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UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. 




































































































































































































































































































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" How it was that he happened to hang himself by the middle, mater.d 
®ne end, I could not tell,” — Page 125 , 



THE 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 

OF A N 

ARKANSAW DOCTOR 


BY DAVID RATTLEHEAD, M. D.. 


(the man of scrapes.) 



PUBLISHED BY M. LAFAYETTE BYRN, 
49 Nassau Street. 






Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1879, 
By M. L. BYRN, 

in the office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington. 


The copyright of this book, entered by Lippincott, Grambo & Co., of Phila- 
delphia, in 1851, and by them sold to J. A. & U. P. James, of Cincinnati, Ohio, 
February, 1853, expired August 19, 1879, and the present copyright, entered by M. 
L. Byrn, on March 3, 1879, is a renewal of copyright, and belongs exclusively to 
said M. L. Byrn, of New York City. 



VO T ■ ■ 

StttjtmUs tfet Igttirial gtpr»nunt 

OF THE 

UNIVERSITY OF NEW YORK, 


THIS LITTLE VOLUME IS INSCRIBED, 

AS A 


TOKEN OF THE BEST REGARDS OF THEIR FRIEND, 


THE AUTHOR 


P rt E F A C E. 


In offering to the j>ublic the “ Arkansaw Doctor, ” I make no 
ipologies, nor offer an excuse, more than this : Though I have 
been born and reared in an obscure part of our country ; though 
my name has never appeared in thi public press, and though I 
have been a roller of pills and masher of boluses, in the back- 
woods, I have as great privileges- with pen, ink, and paper, as 
if I were a descendant of kings and princes. I hope, d^ar 
reader, before this work has been scanned by your penetrating 
eye, that things will have been related that will prove amusing 
and instructive. I trust you will pardon me for giving a short 
history of my youthful life ; it is not done for self-aggrandize- 
ment, but that you may see under what unfavorable circum- 
stances a man may sometimes labor, and yet rise amid every 
scene of disappointment and blighted expectation, to honov and 
distinction * and if I should be the means of inspiring one poor 
desponding ^ul with confidence, or amuse for a moment some 
of my fellow beings by relating a few of the many incidents of , 
my past life, I shall be more than repaid for all the labor be- 
stowed on this work. 




Raccoon Bayou, Ark. 


CONTENTS 


CHAPTER I Meil 

A Lumping Business, J3 

CHAPTER II. 

Starting Of? of the Right Foot, ' . . . .26 

CHAPTER III. 

Spontaneous Ebullition in a Drunkard, 33 

CHAPTER IV. 

The Resurrection, or how to take up a Negro, . . 38 

CHAPTER V. 

Busting a Dog and Carding a Turkey, ... 49 

CHAPTER VI. 

The Way to keep Folks from Marrying, . . .59 

CHAPTER VII 

A Death-bed Scene, ...... 64 

CHAPTER VIII. 

A New Plan for Catching a Rogue, ... 70 

CHAPTER IX. 

Bloodshed and Hysterics, ...... 76 


Vlii CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER X page 

Aqua Fortis and Croton Oil, or Taking the Wrong Med- 
icine, 84 

CHAPTER XI. 


Three Scrapes in One Night, . . . . .91 

CHAPTER XII. 

A Thunder Storm, and a Night in the Woods, . 100 

CHAPTER XIII. 

Making a Hole in the Wrong Place, . . . .115 

CHAPTER XIV. 

A Fishing Party, a Ghost, and Suicide, . . . 121 

CHAPTER XV. 

Taken Captive by Indians, . ' 130 

CHAPTER XVI. 

The Man with a Snake Disease, . . . , Hi 

CHAPTER XVII. 

Cutting up a Negro Alive, . . . . . .147 

CHAPTER XVIII. 

A Fight with Wolves, 154 

CHAPTER XIX. 

How to Cure Deafness in Three Hours, . . .161 

CHAPTER XX. 

Ra.ttlehead’8 Farewell Address, . . . . 16f 


THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES 

OF AN 

ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


CHAPTER I. 

A LUMPING BUSINESS. 

Air — Gander's retreat from the hog-pen . 

When I commenced to rove the world, 

I was quite young in years, 

And when my banner was unfurled, 

I melted soon to tears. 

Why! I’d left the home of youthful days, 

My destiny to seek — 

Ah, now how soon the thought betrays, 

My purse is slim, my frame is weak. 

Unoho. 

History says I was born in one of the South-western 
States, in the year eighteen hundred and — bring a bucket 
of water — in the m©nth of September. What an auspi- 
cious moment, or rather, what a lovely month it is. It 
is in this month we can see the wisdom of nature dis- 
played in all its glory. Think of the rich fruits with 
which we are blessed, and now, before hoary frost has 
preyed upon the verdant foliage, all nature seems in its 


14 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


beauty. But as the month is not so much concerned 
now , with my history, I will leave it and proceed. My 
parentage I can boast of as being of the highest respect- 
ability, but unfortunately, they were not rich — had they 
been, then this book had never been written. Although 
they were not wealthy, they possessed enough of this 
world : s desirables to give me and all my other sisters a 
very respectable “ Log-cabin” education. 

At quite an early age I manifested a disposition to 
obtain an education superior to that given to my older 
brothers, or in fact superior to most persons in that part 
of the country. 

I often spoke to my parents about it, and they seemed 
willing to give me a better opportunity, but they feared 
my older brothers would make complaint. (Very natu- 
ral thing in a family, about matters of less importance.) 
Notwithstanding my desire to obtain an education, I 
could not help playing many pranks on my schoolmates 
and teacher, but as these are of everyday occurrence, I 
will not annoy you by relating them. I went to school 
about four or five months of the year until I was fifteen 
years old. I had to work on the farm the balance of 
the year. Finding at that age that I could not have an 
opportunity of obtaining much of an education, 1 pro- 
posed to my parents to let me gooff about three hundred 
miles, in a different portion of the state, and offer myself 
as clerk in a dry-goods store, with an old acquaintance 
of theirs I thought I could find some leisure time to 
study in an establishment of that kind. As luck would 
have it, they consented, and now for a long journey 
thought I. Every preparation for my departure was 
made. I had as good a horse as ever made a track 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


15 


The day was fixed for me to leave. I had thought but 
little about, it until the day arrived. What thoughts 
passed through my aching brain in a few momeqts. I 
could think of every endearment that bound me to my 
youthful home. Yes, even as 1 recall the scene to-day, 
after years have passed, it awakens in my bosom feel- 
ings of the deepest emotion. 

But I must proceed. The day appointed was the 10th 
of December; it arrived, and I don’t think I ever be- 
held a more lovely day in winter ; every thing was still 
as death about that dear old home, that now is lost to 
sight, perhaps forever. Not the rustling of a leaf, the 
rippling of water, nothing could be heard save the lonely 
moan of a dove, perched upon the bough of a neigh- 
boring tree, basking in the genial rays of the sun ; and 
well do I remember how desolate and lonely that sound ; 
it seemed* as the last dread call to mortal beings on 
earth. My brothers and sisters were collected at my 
father’s dwelling to bid me a fond adieu ; many, many 
were the words of advice given me before the parting 
hand was taken ; they all took an unusual interest in me 
as I was going to leave them, to seek my destiny among 
strangers. Another thing that made them more carefhl 
in their admonitions, I was the youngest of the family. 
One would tell me,“ Now, brother, you know you are the 
runt of the family, any how, and you must be careful — 
do n’t get sick — take care of Charley (my horse), and 
your money.” Many other words of advice.were given 
which I have now forgotten — and I s’pose you are glad 
of it — and I bade them all adieu, mounted my horse and 
started on my journey. One of my brothers accom- 
panied me a few miles, and then l had to leave him and 


16 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


steer my course alone. Never had I before known what 
it was to feel bad. I began to wish that I had never 
started, that 1 had never left my parental roof. I then 
thought how kind my parents had been to me. I re- 
flected how I had often treated my brothers and sisters — 
not but that I had been as good as most brothers, but 1 
thought of the many unkind words I had spoken. I 
then thought of their attention during any little illness I 
had ever suffered. I recollected that my dear sisters 
had come around my couch and wept, because I was 
sick. I thought of the tears my parents shed when I 
took the parting hand. I thought of all my school- 
mates, how cruel I had treated them, sometimes without 
a cause — thus thinking, I was overpowered, my youthful 
heart was filled to overflowing — I burst into tears. This 
relieved me for a moment, and I knew r I had started and 
it would never do to turn back. I was determined to 
go ahead. I traveled on until night, and called at a very 
good-looking house, to see- if I could stay all night ; I 
was informed that I could ; got down, and after giving 
many careful directions about Charley, 1 went in. The 
landlord was very kind, and made me feel quite at 
home. 

Nothing of interest occurred until I went to bed. I was 
put into a room with a good comfortable wood fire, and 
being tired from a long ride, I retired early. 1 suppose 
1 had been in bed an hour and had fallen asleep. 1 was 
suddenly awakened by a noise at the door ; I w T as confi- 
dent the door was locked safe, and that I could not be 
molested by any person — I sp«ke* and asked who was 
there ; I received no answer, and hearing no more noise 
for some time after, concluded 1 had been mistaken, and 




“Good God! ’massa, don’t hurt poor nigga ; him just come to black 
your boots.”— Page 17.J 






OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 17 

was about falling into the arms of Mcrpheus again, 
when the noise aroused me the second time. 

I had prepared myself before leaving my father’s to 
face any difficulty that I might meet, and thought I should 
soon have an opportunity of trying my weapons of death 
in my own defense. I accordingly arose, took out my 
pistol and long knife — the pistol in one hand and the 
knife in the other — and now I was ready. I still heard 
the noise at the door. I waited a little while, expecting 
the door to be forced open — that I should be knocked 
into a cocked-hat, or eternity, in a little or no time, and 
then my destiny was soon realized. You had better think 
I was frequently at my father’s house in my imagination, 
under the same protecting care, but was not long left in 
my fancied imagination, until the door was opened, and in 
popped a big black negro almost large enough to swallow 
me. Says I, “ Stop, you black scoundrel, or I will blow 
your brains out in a moment ” — at the same time point- 
ing my pistol at him, and flourishing my long knife in 
the other hand. I concluded it was a runaway negro 
trying to rob me. The sight of the knife and pistol had 
quite a narcotic influence on the African, for he looked 
like he had come out of a thunder-cloud in August. He 
raised his hands to the utmost, rolled his eyes like a 
Panorama, oped his mouth like the Mammoth Cave, 
and said, 

“ Good God ! massa, do n’t hurt poor nigga, him just 
come to black your boots.” 

The negro had come to the door, expecting to find my 
boots outside, and was fumbling about in the dark trying 
to find them; not finding them outside, he was trying 
to come in without waking me. I told him to take them 


18 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


and put off, and never attempt to go into a gent email’s 
room again without knocking, or he might get his spleen 
blown into a batter-cake. I then locked the door and 
rested finely all night. On my way next day, I thought 
about my adventure the previous night, and considered 
myself fortunate in getting off' as well as I did. 

In about three days after this I arrived safe at my place 
of destination, and found my father’s old friend. He in- 
vited me to see him, which I did very soon, and was not 
long in telling him my business. A salary was soon 
agreed upon, and T was getting right up in the world; 
from a farmer’s boy, had become a clerk in a dry-goods 
sto^e. I felt my greatness, I did. I entered on the du- 
ties of my calling with a little instruction from my boss 
occasionally, with due regard for his best interest. The 
first thing to be done was to learn the whereabouts of 
all the different articles in the store. This occupied some 
four or five days, and then my employer said he would 
give me the pass-word — that is to say, for instance, in 
particular the cost-mark. I was eager to get into the 
mysteries of the mercantile business, did not know what 
I might be some time myself. One morning he came 
in and said to me — 

“Mr. Rattlehead, this is the cost word; you must 
learn to tell what any piece of goods cost in a moment 
by this mark, and be careful you do n’t lose it before 
learning it.” 

I took the word and commenced looking over the dif- 
ferent goods in the store, and found I could tell very well ; 
but, alas! that word cost me more than it did anybody else. 
Not being aware of the vast importance acost word is to 
a dry-goods merchant, I was rather careless with it The 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


19 


word is one of ten letters, no two being the same. The 
word was H-a-r-t-s-f-i-e-l-d. I was going round look- 
ing at one thing and another and their prices, and, not 
looking whether any person was in the house or not, 1 
went on thus: H-one-a-two-r-three,&c.,to see if I could 
tell an article when it was necessary. A gentleman — or 
rather I should say fellow, for he was no gentleman that 
would thus take the advantage of a boy fifteen years 
old — happened to be in the store at the time, sitting 
down reading a newspaper. 

“ Ha, ha ! ” says he, “ I ’ve got you now, have I ? It 
spells Hartsfield, does it?” 

If I didn’t feel like I was ruined, you may bury me and 
my book forever in the oblivion of a potato hill. I told 
the old fellow that he was mistaken, it was only the name 
of a little village where a friend of mine lived, and I was 
spelling the name on a letter I had just written, and was 
going to send by the first mail. My lying did not serve 
as good a purpose in that instance as it did very often 
after that with that same old covey, for if 1 did n’t make 
him pay for that trick before I got done with dry-goods, 
then there is no virtue in high prices. He was a good 
customer, and he paid good prices when I was the sales- 
man, certain as three ones make a broomstick. The old 
stick-in-the-mud left that day before my boss came in, 
greatly to my relief. When he came in, 1 of course had 
to tell him all about it, and what a blunder I had 
made, and begged that he would excuse me, as I did not 
know any person was in the store at the time. He 
looked about as sweet at me as green persimmons, and 
pleasing as a rooster laying an egg, and said nothing 
Cor about ten minutes. 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


20 

Then said he, “We will have to go to work and re-mark 
every piece of goods in the house.” 

I remarked that I was willing to do all that I could. 
Then we had it about what word we would have. 

Says he, “ It is not so easy to find a word to suit every 
day, and I hope you will be as good to find a word as 
you were to lose one.” 

Rather spurred at such a sharp remark, I went to 
thinking at the rate of a bushel per minute, and in less 
than a minute I had it. I was always thinking of Char- 
ley and my dinner, and here I found the word with ten 
letters, and no two alike. Says I, “ Sir, I ’ve got it for 
you much quicker than I lost the other.” 

“ Well,” he said, “ what is it ? ” 

“ Charley,” says I. 

“ Charley ? ” 

“ Yes, Charley.” 

Says he, “ You are a fool; how does that make ten 
letters ? ” 

I commenced for him: B-l-a-c-k-H-o-r-s-e, Charley. 
The thing was so good it put the old boss in quite a good 
humor, and he and I made black horse serve a fine pur- 
pose of obtaining high prices for goods after that. 

In the store was kept a general assortment of almost 
everything. Hardware, dry-goods, queensware, and a 
few medicines, &c., & c. After getting over the difficul- 
ties about the cost mark, I thought I would get on with- 
out any more trouble. Here again I was mistaken. My 
boss thought he had initiated me sufficiently into the 
mysteries to trust me for a short time each day in the 
store alone, while he took his pleasure in walking about. 
I think it was rather dear pleasure, if 1 had to guess 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


21 


He went out one da}', and left me in the store. A gen- 
tleman called and wanted some blue mass. I went to 
hunt up the article, and found ajar marked blue mass, 
and the figures 371. This I thought was the price of it. 
I took it down, and sold the jar and contents for thirty- 
Beven and a half cents. I rolled it up, and off’ he went 
with near one pound of blue mass for that small price. 
The price markedon the jar was intended by the ounce. 

I was sitting down comfortably, whistling “ Yankee- 
doodle,” and asked no favors of any man, when in came 
the old boss. He went to the slate and saw a sale made 
of blue mass at thirty-seven and a half cents, and went 
round ti see, I suppose, how' I had put it up. He looked 
where the blue mass was, and it was n’t there. He 
commenced looking at me, and I began to look at him ; 
and says he, “ Where’s the blue mass jar? 1 don't see 
it; have you moved it?” 

“ Sir, 1 have sold the blue mass ; do n’t you see it 
marked on the slate? ” 

“ What ! sold all the blue mass in the house for that 
price ? ” 

Yes ! that was the price marked on the jar.” * 

I have seen bears, wolves, wildcats, &c., staring me 
right in the face, but he looked more intolerable than any- 
thing on record. I remarked to him that I was quite 
sorry that anything of the kind had happened, but could 
not help it now, and when he wanted things sold by the 
ounce he must mark them by the ounce. He considered 
the matter over, and thought he could not blame me so 
much, as 1 was young. I thanked him ; and said I 
hoped nothing of the kind would occur again 

He left me in the store again in a few days, and some 


22 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


person called for tobacco. On the box was marked ten 
cents. I concluded very readily that it meant by the 
plug, and told the gentleman ten cents a plug. He said 
he would take six plugs. I put them up for him, think- 
ing all was right. The ten cents was intended for a 
square, the plugs being cut into five pieces. The boss 
came in, and looking on the slate, as usual, he saw the 
tobacco marked on it, and going round to the box, saw 
six plugs gone for sixty cents. “Oh, Mol, get off’ my 
corns l” what looks. He came near bawling right out ; he 
crammed paper in his mouth, knocked off his hat, and 
swallowed fish brine. I just thought he ’d eat me up 
without time to say my prdyers. He was so mad and 
so confused he never thought of speaking to me the first 
time. I took the trouble to interrupt him in his happi- 
ness by asking him what was the matter ; was he sick, 
or what could make him act so ? 

“Matter,” says he, “you have sold sold six plugs in- 
stead of six squares of tobacco for sixty cents ! ” 

“Well, sir, I know nothing of your squares: I do n’t 
believe in masonry, nohow; if you want your tobacco 
sold by the square yard, just square it off yourself.” 

Finding that I was a little spunky, he came to his 
senses again, and we made friends, to my great gratifi- 
cation. He hoped, and I thought, that nothing of the 
kind certainly would happen again. Believing that I 
had learned a lesson from the past, he left me again to 
sell what I could. I was determined on doing better, if 
possible. 

A lady called and wanted some “ crockery-ware,” 
among other things a six gallon jar. I went to get it 
for her in haste, and in my hurry I played thunder with 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


23 


burnt clay. I turned over a pile of vessels that were 
stacked one upon another, and smashed about five dol- 
lars’ worth. I thought I had as well be fixing up to leave 
by the time the old man came in, but then concluding to 
pacify him a little by selling the jar, I found it, and saw 
marked thereon twelve and a half cents. It seemed right 
cheap, but I knew it was none of my business about his 
prices. The jar (six gallon) went off for the price marked 
on it. In the evening the old man came in, and saw I 
had sold a jar for twelve and a half cents. He went 
round to look for a jar that could be sold for that amount 
ofmoney. You think you know how he looked, butyou 
don’t. There lay the broken jars, jugs, flower-pots, &c., 
a pile of ruins. He looked at the pieces of hard dirt and 
then at me ; his face looked like a storm rising ; his hair 
raised his hat off his head ; his mouth looked as though 
he was trying to swallow a tea-pot ; his eyes streaming 
with tears ; his ears laid as close to his head as a mule’s, 
and there he stood perfectly motionless for fifteen min- 
utes, without being able to say one word. At last he 
yelled out, “ You have broke me ! ” 

“ Sir, I beg to differ with you on that point ; I have 
not broke you, but the crockery is knocked crooked, 
certain. If you and that deformed mud are any kin, 
perhaps you are broken.” 

He got madder than ever, and seemed in the act of 
blowing me up without ceremony, but stopped to ask 
what sort of ajar I had sold for twelve and a half cents. 
I told him about the six gallon jar; he could stand it no 
longer, but made at me as though he intended to give me 
blazes in a hat-box. 1 knew I was small, and had bet- 
ter begin in time, so laid hold of the first thing I could 
B 


24 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


get (which was a thunder- mug), and let him have it 
right in the face and eyes. He stopped about the time 
this reached him, and commenced wiping oft' the blood, 
and thinking. I told him I sold the jar at the marked 
price. He said that was by the gallon. “ Well, what do 
you measure it in? Unless you leave a big measure I can’t 
sell this sort of stuff by the gallon.” He saw the mis- 
take, and said he would look over it one time more. After 
this we got on without much trouble, and the old man 
thought I would make a great salesman in a short time. 
I remained with this gentleman for two years. 

Here let me drop a hint or two to young men just com- 
mencing business, more especially in a dry-goods store 
I thought I must fix myself up considerable after getting 
a situation like mine. I had one or two suits made at 
first, and then had to have this thing and that thing, and 
it all counted by the time my year was up. At the end 
of the first year I had gone in debt more than my sal- 
ary considerably. That taught me a lesson that I have 
never forgotten. The second year my salary was in- 
creased twofold, the old boss thinking I would buy as 
liberally as before. He would caution me about every- 
thing else but buying goods of him ; he never said once 
do n’t be extravagant in your clothing, although he was 
a professed friend of my parents. The second year I 
took the precaution of buying but little, and thus hauled 
out a little of the boss’s cash. At the end of the second 
year I was getting tired of my situation, knowing I 
could never flourish much in the world as a “ counter- 
hopper,” and concluded to resign my office. 

During my stay in the store, a medical book chanced 
to fall into my head— no, my hands. This I read again 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


25 


and again, and cultivated a great taste for the science. 
How little it takes to make us love those things that are 
hard to obtain. Many were the castles built by me, in 
the air, as I thought of studying medicine. I received 
what was due me from my employer, and started on my 
return to my father’s. I had sold “ Charley” during the 
time I had been in business, as every old hag in the vil- 
lage was running to borrow him, and of course I could 
not think of refusing, for if I did, they would drive my 
head into the ground, rock or no rock. In a short time 
his back was sore, his ribs prominent, tail drooping, and 
he stood out on the sunny side of the crib looking like 
he would like to go to the boneyard to get out of his 
trouble. I went to a landing on the Mississippi River, 
got on board a steamboat, and in a short time was go- 
ing like the d — 1 in harness to my place of destination. 
When I got on the boat I had quite a respectable little 
pile of the “ root of all evil.” I thought but little of 
any thing, only getting back to my father’s to let him 
see how much 1 had improved in my appearance, man- 
ners, &c. I talked friendly with everybody on board, 
and told them all about my affairs in every way. 

Well, trusting to their honesty, I had the consolation 
of knowing, when I got off the boat, that I had ten dol- 
lars left, and was glad I had that much. Big salary for 
two years’ hard labor to show my parents. I felt worse 
than a blind dog in a meat-house ; looked like a droop- 
ing turkey- buzzard, did n’t know which side I stood on • 
brought a deep sigh, went into the kitchen, and got as 
drunk as a fool at a big muster. 

My parents thought I had made a decided improve- 
ment by going from home, and let me sleep out a long nap 


26 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


that 1 might enjUy my dissipation to the fullest extent 
1 awoke, and oh ! my head, it felt as lumpy as an old 
field in dry weather, roared like a saw-mill, and then 1 
puked . But enough of this, for most of you know the 
delightful feeling one has after a dive into Bacchus ; so 
I’ll leave you to think how you got over your last 
drunken frolic, and I ’ll go on about my own business. 
1 told my parents that I should certainly quit the pro- 
fession of drunkenness, and take up that of medicine 
They thought it would be more profitable and agreea 
ble to me, and equally as desirable to them. I accord 
ingly went to a little village about three miles distant 
from my father’s residence, to see our old family phy- 
sician, for the purpose of having a talk with him on the 
subject, and if he said I would make a doctor, it must 
be so, and would commence immediately. I saw him, 
and he told me many flattering tales, and heads too, 
about being a professional man, and concluded by say- 
ing he believed I would make a doctor if any man in 
that country would. The terms were agreed on, and I 
returned home to tell my parents of what had been 
done. They consented. I was soon ready; and then 
came the great time that made me an “ Arkansaw doc- 
tor.” The curtain falls. I am sleepy : farewell until 
to-morrow, and then, if I am alive. “ my life continue*-” 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


27 


CHAPTER II. 

STARTING OFF OF THE RIGHT FOOT. 

A i r — The fool’s recompense. 

The air ’s composed of certain gases, 

That ’s good when kept together ; 

But if from that it quickly passes, 

It ’s death on tender leather. 

Him that saw it 

Reader, what do you think of our first interview? 
Doubtless you will say there is room for improvement. 
I say so too, and I hope, before we reach the other end 
of nothing, or this book, to amuse you with something 
more pertinaciously interesting ; and now give a turn 
on the larboard, and off we go, diving into the myste- 
ries of my many mishaps during my studies in the office 
of my preceptor. 

It was in the month of August that I commenced the 
hottest work of my life, and one that has, as you see 
already ended in the production of a mass of instruction 
and amusement for my “ feller ” men and wimen. The 
watchword was, never turn back, let the undertaking be 
good or bad, but go ahead until I had completed my 
education. I procured me a boarding-house in the little 
village ; and all things being prepared, I went to the 
office of my intended preceptor. Not finding him in, I 


28 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


thought I must amuse myself in some way, and concluded 
I could not do so to better advantage than looking over 
the medicines, books, &c. I laid my hat and gloves on 
the table and walked around the counter with as much 
dignity as a young Galen fifty years old. The first thing 
to be done was to write my name and see how it would 
look. I commenced, Dr. David Rattlehead. Again 
and again I wrote it. Then I would write it in co-part- 
nership with some eminent physician ; thought what a 
practice we would have. I thought of being called to 
see patients just at the verge of the grave, when old and 
experienced doctors had failed to do them any good, and 
I would only look at them once, and see the disease as 
plain as an ugly man sees his own beauty. Then 1 
would give a little medicine, and immediately a change 
was seen. All the doctors had left me in my glory, and 
I had cured the case in three or four days. Yes, I 
thought of being called to see some beautiful and accom- 
plished young lady, the daughter of a wealthy family. 
She too was fast sinking into the silent tomb ; my skill 
had been heard of, my name heralded through every por- 
tion of the country. I was sent for; I detected what had 
been overlooked by other physicians; the case was put 
exclusively under my care ; I attended her from day to 
day ; I heard her saying, “ Doctor, you have saved my 
life; I never can thank you enough for your kindness 
and attention.” She is restored to health : I visit her 
and the family often, even when there is no sickness ; 1 
talked to her of every thing, and love too ; I see her blush 
as I approach : I see she loves me with all the affection 
of woman : I court her : she leans fondly on my arm, 
and says, “ I owe my life to you — my life, my heart, my 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


29 


all is yours:” I clasp her fondly to my bosom. I im- 
print a sweet kiss on those ruby lips : I have made my 
fortune : I am completely happy. Hark ! I am aroused 
from my reverie, and see the office full of people : my 
pocket-handkerchief is missing : 1 have swallowed it. 
I had to give an explanation to the crowd for my strange 
conduct. I told them that I had embarked in a calling 
that required the deepest thought, and that I was think- 
ing of the awful responsibility a man took on himself 
in commencing the study of medicine. I said, “ Is it to 
be wondered that I stood here for half an hour in grand 
amazement when I have, by coming into this office to- 
day, changed my entire course in life, my relationship 
with the world? I leave to-day many of my old associ- 
ates, never again to join in their festivities. I am to-day 
drinking the wormwood and gall of my life. I bid adieu 
to the happiness that can again thrill the hearts of my 
young comrades with pleasant emotions. I shudder as 
I think to-day closes my hours of happiness and enjoy- 
ment with the dear young ladies that have rendered life 
so desirable ; they, with whom I have tasted the sweets 
of life ; they that have poured into my — my — my hat a 
bowl of soup last week at uncle Bill’s quilting. I re- 
collect well enough how Jane Higgs did it, ’cause I 
kissed Sally Baker. Come in, gentlemen, sit down, you 
know we all have our faults.” 

They all took seats, anxious to see how I started, for 
everybody, and the rest of the world of mankind in 
that part of the country, said if I “ started off of the 
right foot” I would make a doctor. Well, I was anx- 
ious to start off of the right foot too, as you may know. 
I wanted to make them think I knew a thing or two 


30 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


before reading any thing in medicine, and also warn ,d 
to win their good feelings in the beginning, as I had al- 
ways been told since I had been living, that very much 
depended on the start we made in any thing, and thought 
it must apply to medicine too. I had some good cigars. 
I got them out and passed them round to all present. 
As the weather was warm, there was no fire in the of- 
fice, and I resorted to a match for a light. 

My preceptor had prepared a large jar of hydrogen 
gas for the purpose of making some experiments. In 
my bustle and hurry, I knocked off the top of the jar 
in which was contained the hydrogen gas, and thereby 
let in a portion of atmospheric air. To those unac- 
quainted with this gas, I would say, it is, when mixed 
with a certain portion of atmospheric air, a very explo- 
sive mixture. I put the top on the jar again, as I 
thought, and paid no more attention to it, not knowing 
then that any danger was near. I drew a match brisk- 
ly across the shelf, and it ignited without any trouble, 
and so did something else. If you ever heard a can- 
non roar on the field of battle, or shuddered at seven 
olaps of thunder, all in a pile, you can form some idea 
of the noise in that office on that day. The mixture of 
air and hydrogen had taken fire, and it played the old 
Harry with the jar and all the crowd that had collected 
together to see me “start off of the right foot.” The noise 
had alarmed the whole village, and here they came to 
see what was the cause. In about one hour, nearly 
the entire population, including men, women, and chil- 
dren, negroes, and every thing else in the form of a breath- 
ing animal, was collected in and around the office. 1 
scarcely know how to describe the scene. In the midst 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


33 


of the confusion, my preceptor came up and jumped off 
of his horse in a rage, and came into the office like fire 
in stubble, thinking they were mobbing his student. As 
soon as he got in he asked me what was the cause of 
all this bloodshed, glass, and cigars in his office during 
his absence. I related the circumstances as near as I 
could. He soon explained the matter to the satisfac 
tion of all present, except those that had been so un- 
fortunate as to become the resting place of the pieces 
of glass. I escaped unhurt, strange to say, with the 
exception of a temporary deafness. One man had his 
head cut and was bleeding profusely, another his back, 
another his face, and one poor fellow had a piece of 
glass drove into the shank end of his nose. He squealed 
like a steam-engine, screamed like a wildcat, roared 
like a lion, turned over faster than pumpkins in a thun- 
der-storm, out-spouted a whale, made as many wry 
faces as a pig with his tail under the fence, yelled equal 
to a greyhound running out of a smokehouse with a 
ham of meat in his mouth, and swore he would never 
go to see a medical student “ start off of the right foot” 
again. To tell you the truth, I thought he made more 
ado about his wounded proboscis than was necessary. 
The crowd could not blame me, as I knew nothing of 
what was in the jar, or the danger of lighting a match 
near it. 

This was my introductory letter to my preceptor, and 
he said positively, that any man who could come into 
a physician’s office a perfect stranger to medicine, and 
in less than one hour blow up a glass jar, cut right and 
left on everybody in the house except himself, and there- 
by make half a dozen patients for his preceptor, would 


32 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


make a doctor as certain as four and one make a spit 
box. Here ends the second lesson 

Draw my tongue through a watch key, chuckle me 
under the chin, take my eyeball for an inkstand, split 
my lip and poke my head through it, and come down 
here everybody that’s below, and up here all ye who 
are above, and I’ll give you my corn-stealer for a 
peck basket to feed the pigs out of. 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


33 


CHAPTER III. 

SPONTANEOUS EBULLITION IN A DRUNKARD. 

Air — Open the gate and let him out. 

The drunkard with his thirst unquenched 
Came knocking at my door — 

“ I come to be, and will be drenched 
As I have been before.” 

I told him no ; ’t was all in vain, 

But soon I did knock under ; 

Poor man, you will not come again 
To see a student's wonder . 

Fruntus. 

Afv^r making such an extraordinary start in medicine 
I felt lather careful, and thought 1 would use more pre- 
caution in future. The next morning being appointed 
by my preceptor for me to make a formal commencement 
of studying the healing art, I went according to promise 
quite early to the office. He was in waiting for me, lest 
1 might commit some deed equally as desirable as I had 
done the day previous. He commenced by telling me 
the different medicines that were poisonous, and those 
that I must not touch until I became acquainted with 
them. He then told me what book to commence read- 
ing, and advised me to be a close student and learn as 


34 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


fast as I could. I listened with eager attention to all he 
said, like it had been law or gospel ; told him I would 
do the best I could, laid off my beaver and went at it. 

I had been diving into the hidden mysteries of the 
science I suppose for an hour or more, when I was inter- 
rupted by a sound at the door. I looked up and saw a 
noted old drunkard, whom I had known for a long time 
I knew he was the greatest old pest in the country, and 
concluded that I was in for a long do-nothing spell, unless 
I cut his head or his acquaintance at once. He walked 
in with as much authority as a negro at a corn-shucking, 
and said to me, 

“ Uh, ah ! yes, you look like making a doctor, do n’t 
you; I knew you before you was born, and you were no 
’count then, nor never will be. Where is the old Doc?” 

Says I, “ What do you want with him ?” 

“ I want some soda ; when I comes in here he gives 
me some good bilin’ stuff.” 

I told him I knew nothing about his boiling stuff 01 
soda either, and told him to go off and not trouble me, \ 
wanted to read. This only made him worse. I found 1 
had as well try and get rid of him as soon as possible, on 
any reasonable terms, and got up to see if I could find 
the soda he was speaking of. I had heard of soda water, 
and seen it used, but knew nothing about preparing it. 
I was deeply interested in the book I was reading, and 
wanted to get him off to resume my studies. I com- 
menced looking, and was not long in finding the soda, 
and near it was the tartaric acid. I put the two jars 
on the counter, procured two glass tumblers, and soon 
all things were ready for taking a cooling beverage. 
Here I was somewhat at a loss to know how to mix them. 
















■ 

' 

. 




“ The old fellow made for the door * * * , ,, 

you saw water boil, it just boiled out of him in a stream^'-A^/W/ ® Ver 




OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


35 


I did not know which was to be taken first, the soda or 
the acid; neither did I know how. much water or how 
much soda and acid. I was not to be foiled in my at- 
tempts in this way, and thought guesswork was as good 
as any other when it hit right. I poured each glass about 
two-thirds full of water. I then put into one glass one 
table-spoonful of soda, and the same quantity of the acid 
into the other. I gave him the soda, and told him to 
drink it. I then gave him the acid. 

I had read of explosions by gunpowder, and bursting 
up of steamboats, railroad accidents, and hailstorms ; but 
that laid everything in the shade, and Bill Measles be- 
sides. The old fellow made for the door, put one hand 
on each side, threw his mouth open, stretched out his 
neck about a foot, shut his eyes, and then, if ever you 
saw water boil, it boiled out of him in a stream as big as 
your arm. For near five minutes his mouth was a living 
fountain. I thought the man would certainly burst open. 
His stomach roared like distant thunder; his eyes, start- 
ing from their sockets, looked like the full moon rising in 
midsummer, and his nostrils, distended to the size of a 
dog’s mouth, looked like one side of creation. In his 
spouting he threw off more bread than would kill an 
Irishman, more beef than would fatten a dead negro, more 
oysters than would choke a turkey-gobbler, more mack- 
erel than would make a nice supper at a boarding-house, 
and more gas than would make lies enough for a political 
demagogue in two speeches. He continued his upturn- 
ing of gastric forbearance for about five minutes without 
being able to open the door of his respiratory prolonga- 
tion. I saw him begin to turn as black as a sheet ; his 
frame trembled, his hands lost their hold, and down he 


36 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


came like a log of wood in winter at the door of the 
office. t 

Fire and water, 

Mud and mortar, 

Beef and hogs ! what a slaughter. 

Old man, may I have your daughter { 

What a scrape I am in again ; the most unfortunate man 
in the world ; never went to do anything in my life but 
I was making some mistake; but I’m in for it again, and 
must ret out the best way I can. Here came the whole 
village again, bellowing like so many calves in a farm- 
yard. In less than fifteen minutes I had a crowd at the 
office large enough to storm a fort, and fools sufficient to 
kill any man with as much sense as would go round your 
ha* One smart old gentleman wanted to know what I 
had done to the man. I told him of the old drunkard 
wanting soda, and that I had given him some to get him 
to go off. 

“ Piserfd! pisen'd! ” was the cry raised instanter, and 
off some one went to find my preceptor, or some other 
physician, that could tell what to do. In the excitement 
some person mistook piserdd for fire, and then the tune 
was changed to fire! fire! Everybody broke like doc- 
tors from a graveyard, as they knew I always kept a 
little “ powder” about, that was hard to put out when 
once it took fire. Out they ran, and in a little less time 
than a merchant can tell the truth, we had a deluge of 
water pouring into the office. Such a rattling of tin 
buckets, washbowls, slop tubs, and salt barrels, has not 
been heard since Job killed the “ fat turkey.” 

j have often heard persons blamed for raising a false 
aJarm of fire, but this was one time it did good. The 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


37 


poor old drunkard lying there in a state of suspended ani- 
mation from his long spouting spell, was aroused by the 
cold water. He bawled out, and wanted to know if the 
“ second flood ” was coming : being informed by many 
voices “ no,” he raised himself up about six feet high, 
sprung out of the door like a blue streak of lightning or 
“ Moffat’s pills ” was after him, and ran home to his wife, 
promised her never again to trouble a medical student, 
signed the pledge, and has never been known to touch 
a drop of the “ critter ” since. 


38 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


CHAPTER IV. 

fHE RESURRECTION, OR HOW TO TAKE UP A NEGRO, 

Tcjne — You dig and I’ll watch. 

If doctors go to seek a prize 
Among their patients dead, 

They must be bold, they must be wise 
To save them from an aching head; 

And if when they have once began 
To dig and raise the sod, 

They must not stop, though dog and man 
Should come all in a squad. 

Gourdhead. 

After the trouble with the drunkard, things went on 
as well as I could expect for several days, considering 
that I was never known to be out of some sort of a 
scrape for more than a few days at a time. As I was 
the first student the old doctor had been troubled with 
for some time, he was out of a skeleton. This desidera- 
tum had to be met as soon as circumstances would as- 
sist. We were not long left in want of an opportunity 
to obtain one. My preceptor had a patient, a negro, that 
had been sick for some time with a chronic disease, and 
who was destined to fall a prey to its influence very 
soon. The patient died, and amid the heartfelt sorrow of 
the owner for his loss, and the numerous explanations of 
the old doctor why the disease had terminated fatally 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


39 


in spite of all remedial agents, he was interred in the 
silent grave with as little ceremony as is usual on such 
occasions. My preceptor returned home after staying 
with the patient until his last expiring moment , and told 
me that as I had just commenced the study of medicine, 
and would have many trying scenes to pass through be- 
fore I made a doctor of myself — he wanted to see whe- 
ther I would do to “ tie to ” or not, and said, that on the 
next night I must be ready to go with him to take up 
the negro that had died the night previous. I told him 
I was in, and he might depend on me as being as good 
as ever fluttered, and said to him, “ If I grunt, make 
an ugly face, or turn up my smeller for the first time, 
you may kick me out of the office to-morrow morning, 
and drive me twenty feet in an ash pile, never again to 
rise until old ‘ Pidey’s ’ horn grows off.” 

He remarked very calmly that as for him he was an 
old hand at the business, and never thought of being 
alarmed about trifles, any more than a Yankee does of 
selling goods under first cost, or a tin peddler of passing 
a farm without his share of the gatherings of the long- 
neck squallers. 

There was one part of the “ undertaking” that rather 
puzzled us : the old doctor and I were both small, and 
not able to do much more hard work than a dozen Irish- 
men, and therefore would need some assistance. He 
would have to employ a man, and the difficulty was of 
getting a man that would not become alarmed when we 
most needed his assistance. 

My preceptor, like every doctor, had many debts owing 
him by the poorer class, that he knew could never pay 

him, and thought that would be the best chance to get a 
C 


40 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


man to assist. He put off in the “ hollows ” to see a man 
that was owing him a bill of some size, and finding him 
in the woods mauling rails, all in a crowd by himself, 
he told him if he would go and help us, he would credit 
his account for five dollars. The fellow was glad of such 
a chance to pay up, and agreed to be with us on the 
occasion. The hour and the place were named for us to 
meet. 

My preceptor told me of the arrangement, and said we 
must not go off together, or something might grow out of 
it of a serious nature; and told me at the same time of 
the dreadful responsibility, and that should we be caught 
and the law enforced, we would both go to “ Jack’s- 
house” for the term of three years. 

This news played thunder with my bravery. I felt like 
1 was fifty feet in the air and nothing to hold to ; thought 
how the doctor and myself would employ our time in the 
State prison; would they let him follow his profession, 
and practice among the convicts, and would I roll pills 
for him as usual? How sorry my old mother would feel 
— and worse than all, I could not get to see my angel 
sweetheart any more, for she would never have me after 
I had been in prison. Oh ! horrid thought — why did I 
ever commence such a profession ? why was it I had not 
thought of these things before commencing? what was 1 
to do ? do like they do over the river? do without saying 
any more, or thinking of it in any way ? I eventually 
reconciled myself to go through it at all hazards. The 
night appointed arrived ; eleven o’clock, and everything 
was still as death in that little village. I waited the mo- 
ment ; I turned the key of the office and started. Going 
round a little string of fence at a certain post; I might 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


41 


have been seen, if it was daylight, but it wasn’t, moping 
my way in the dark, hunting for a spade and an old bag. 
The bag was intended to put the negro in. I found them, 
went and saddled my horse, mounted, and soon was on 
my mission of grave-robbing for the first time. I went 
on until I arrived at the place appointed for us to meet. 
I then whistled, and was answered by my preceptor and 
his assistant. It was in a dark skirt of woods, where we 
could not distinguish a man from a hornet’s nest, only 
by the “ feel.” We met, and then for the grave-yard ; 
it was near the woods. In a short time we reached it; 
and it was then a time to talk about bravery over a dead 
negro. We all went walking as easy as a cat on straw, 
round and round the grave. I kept waiting to hear what 
the old doctor was going to say. I waited for some time 
in the greatest agony, and not a word was spoken. His 
bravery he had showed more before reaching the field of 
glory, and he had forgotten to bring it in his saddle-bags, 
and there he was without any. Getting tired of waiting, 
and finding I was more composed than he was, I said to 
him, “ Doctor.” 

“ Don’t call my name, you fool you.” 

“ Well, doctor,” said I, “ if you have come here to get 
up the negro, let us be at it right off.” 

“ Well,” said the doctor, “ you and Dick work awhile, 
and I will watch.” 

I told him to go a piece from us and listen for the ap- 
proach of danger ; that he must be very much alarmed 
about taking up an old negro, and him dead as a forty 
year old trout. 

I tried to appear very bold to the old doctor, but I can 
tell you I felt a little of the awfulest I ever had, up to 


12 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


that time, and had it not been I thought my preceptor 
was trying to scare me, I would have felt worse than a 
sheep in the forest at midnight. He went off a piece 
from us, and Dick and I commenced operations in good 
earnest; he digging, and me giving directions and feed- 
ing him occasionally on old whisky to keep up his strength 
and spirits. We were working away at a great rate when 
we were interrupted by the sudden approach of my pre- 
ceptor, puffing and blowing worse than a steamboat in a 
fog on the Mississippi. He came up, and said that they 
were after us. Dick dropped the spade as quick as 
though it was hot ; I dropped the bottle of whisky as 
slick as if it were an oyster or the white of an egg, and 
off we all went, faster than a rabbit with forty dogs after 
him in an old field. We went until we reached the thick 
woods, and there stopped to await the result. Very soon 
we found it was a false alarm. 

I rebuked the old doctor sharply for his chicken-heart- 
edness, notwithstanding I felt myself as though I was not 
larger than a pound of soap after a hard day’s washing. 
I told him he need not watch for us any more, as he 
would do more harm than good. My apparent boldness 
gave him a little self confidence, and he concluded he 
would stay with Dick and me the rest of the time. We com- 
menced again, and were getting on as well as a sinner at 
a camp-meeting, not fearing any thing or anybody. The 
night was fast wasting away, and we had much to do 
before the approach of bright morning. As our “deeds 
were evil,” we sought darkness rather than light, and 
must finish before daylight. We worked rapidly and 
gave but little attention U surrounding objects. We had 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


43 


nearly secured our prize, and the doctor was getting brave 
again. Dick was doing his cleanest, best, and — bim — 
“ Halloo ! what is the matter, Dick ? ” 

“ I have got to the coffin,” says he. 

Here we were in a nice fix ; we had come off from 
home without any thing with which we could open the 
coffin. The doctor became very much enraged at his 
own negligence, talked really loud and plain, and said 
he would not be disappointed in any such way. There 
was a rail fence about one hundred yards from where 
we were. He went to that and got a big rail and 
brought it to the grave. 

“ Let me get there a moment, Dick.” 

He took the rail, turned one end down, and in a short 
time he had the top of the coffin knocked in, sure enough. 
Then came the trial, who would go down and lay hands 
on the subject. The doctor said he thought he had done 
his part, and proposed to Dick to go down. Dick did not 
say much, but grunted worse than a man with the tooth- 
ache going for a load of wood, turned up his nose a 
little like he smelt something, and thought he had 
worked harder than either of us. I began to get tired 
of hearing so much talk about a small matter, threw off 
my coat and went down. I was in the act of fastening, 
a rope round the negro’s neck, by which he could be 
pulled out, and was congratulating myself that I should 
have the praise next day for my daring and fearless 
conduct. I fancied the skeleton hanging up in my 
own office ; I thought.of the pleasant times the doctor 
and I would have in the big cave we were going to take 
him to ; I considered the danger all over, thinking every- 
body was as'eep at that late hour; and now for a— 


44 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


hush ! hush ! what nas happened ? I heard a noise in 
the upper world like the heaving up of a volcano. 1 
heard the dogs barking, chickens flying from their roosts, 
geese running and flapping their wings equal to knock- 
ing the two ends of creation together ; the cows lowing, 
and the sound was like the last sad sound of the hunters 
horn ; bushes cracking, sheep bleating, and, to cap the 
climax, an old owl as big as a whisky barrel, hollow* 
ing loud enough to raise tadpoles out of water. I had 
not time to think what was the matter before I heard my 
preceptor cry out, “ Good God ! ” and away he went as 
fast as legs would carry him. Dick bawled louder than a 
two year old calf turned loose in a hailstorm, and that was 
the last of him too, for he was so scared that he would 
not have kno vn an ox-cart from an elephant. Well, if 
ever I was in a real “quandary” 1 was then : there I 
was, left in the grave with none to keep me company 
but the dead negro, and not so much as a stick to assist, 
me out of the grave, which was very deep. I thought 
I was doing my last job on earth, or rather in the earth, 
and that not a very desirable one, considering the con- 
sequences. 

I wa s not long in thinking what to do. I knew if any 
persons were after us, that unless I got out of that place 
my time was up. I squatted down like a dog going to 
jump a fence, made one powerful exertion, and out I 
came slick as butter out of a hot skillet. I took to my 
heels as hard as I could go, not looking to see what the 
noise and confusion was all about*. Dick and the doctor 
were not far ahead of me, and I soon got up with them. 
We all run for life, not stopping even to see what sort 
of rails were on the fence, but, jumping over, or trying 


OF AN ARKANSAS DOCTOR. 


45 


to, we knocked down about two hundred panels of it, 
making as much noise as an earthquake. The noise of 
the fence falling alarmed our horses, which were tied out 
in the woods near by, and they commenced pulling harder 
than a woman that wears the breeches hold of her dear 
husband’s nose. Their pulling, like the candy-maker’s, 
was not in vain, and soon they broke loose, and away 
they went like buffaloes from a prairie on fire. 

Of all the fixes that Torn, Knowling and Bill Chumny 
ever got into since Blither sdorf had the neuralgia, we 
were in it then. Our horses were gone ; the grave open, 
a hole knocked in the top of the coffin; my coat, Dick’s 
hat, and the doctor’s old saddle-bags, being close around. 
I thought — and then I thought I had not time to think 
any thing about it — and about the time I got to thinking, 
I thought the dogs were after us, and they were. We 
had got off some few hundred yards from the grave- yard 
when I heard the loudest, the longest, the keenest yelling 
of greyhounds, little fierce bob-tail curs, and bull-pups, 
that ever screamed this side of the Rocky Mountains. 
On they came, making more noise than a thousand old 
women at a quilting, after us. I felt most awful, but 
could not help laughing at Dick and the doctor. They 
kept trying to swallow each other to get out of the way 
of our pursuers, and had it not been that they com- 
menced at the wrong end, they would have accomplish- 
ed it. While they were at this, the dogs kept coming 
with all the speed of their feet, heads and tails. 

I saw something had to be done about as quick and 
as slick as swallowing an oyster, and told them to hold 
their horns a moment and J would tell them how to do. 
1 went a few steps and found a bending tree that I 


4G 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


thought we could climb. I heard a loud shrill halloo 
in the distance, and the dogs commenced worse than 
ever. I just expected they would have us all for break- 
fast next morning. (Thought if they did, they would 
have as tough pulling at Dick’s carcass as medical stu- 
dents on bull-beef at a boarding house at three dollars a 
week.) I spoke to my two companions and told them of 
the bending tree ; they were as glad to hear it as a ne- 
gro is at the sound of the dinner horn in cotton picking 
time, and came to me as soon as I named it. We all 
hurried up the tree, and had barely time enough to get 
comfortably located before the dogs came up and said 
good night to us, stopped, and seated themselves at the 
root of the tree. We looked down on them with con- 
tempt, until we thought probably their backers were not 
far off. I thought of a great many things in a short 
time ; among other things, thought what a fool I was 
that I did not get sick before leaving home and stay 
there. This thinking then, did about as much good as 
rubbing your nose with a cow’s horn. 

Very soon we discovered the source from which this 
human bellowing proceeded, as we could distinctly hear 
persons talking and encouraging the dogs. I had often 
heard of persons being tree’d,but this was the first time 
I ever saw people in good earnest “ tree’d.” Well, how 
could the persons at the house tell we were all at the 
grave -yard taking up the negro ? Somebody betrayed 
us ; can ’t help it now : we ’ll be shot out of here when 
daylight comes. 

The owners of the dogs came up (the owners of the 
dead negro they were), and looked all round to see what 
tree the dogs were at. The dogs commenced barking at 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


47 


the root of the tree we were in. There was another 
tree standing two or three feet from the one we were 
in. After looking a few moments, I heard one of the 
men say, 

“ Boys, we’ll cat it down. 

My old straw hat and Jack Cooper ! how I felt when I 
heard that. I could not have felt worse on a bar of iron in 
the Atlantic Ocean. I now saw and soon would feel what 
it was to learn to be a doctor. They commenced cut- 
ting, the tree was small and it must soon fall, and then 
we will — will — all get knocked into eternity. What* 
now was to be done ? If we hallooed it would only 
make it worse ; they would kill us anyhow : we must 
all die when the tree falls. I heard Dick making his 
last compliments to his Maker. He said: — 

“ My old providence in heaven and earth, I am come 
to it now ; have mercy on me, for you know I stole Gills’ 
meat, and he starved. I won’t do so no more if I die. 
Take care of Polly and the children, and do n’t let them 
work old Paddy in the slide agin. And oh ! how sorry 
I am I didn’t stay at home, and — and — farewell — oh! 
here I go — oh ! ’’ 

And down came the tree, but it was the one standing 
near to us. As the tree struck the ground they set up 
an unmerciful yelling, dogs, men, and all together — and 
what do you think it was about? it was an old fool coon 
that happened to be in the tree resting himself. The 
dogs bounced on him like a duck on a June-bug, and 
used him up in a short while. The men boasted of their 
dogs for a short time, how they went out at night without 
anybody with them, and tree’d a big old coon worth two 
bits in old whi*ky the next “ muster ” they had in town, 


48 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


and put off home. How good we all felt. After they 
got out of hearing. Dick let off his breath like he had n’t 
breathed for two hours, and said he felt very thankful 
to me for naming to them of the tree. We all slid olF 
that tree like terrapins of a hot day, and it was only 
two hours to day. I told them, when we commenced 
anything we must go through it. We went back to our 
work, and without much more trouble we got up the 
negro and carried him to a cave, a short distance off in 
the side of a hill, covered him up safe, and started home 
to see what had become of our horses. We found 
them safe at home, and by the time we got all things to 
rights it was day. My preceptor never boasted any 
more about his spunk. Dick said he would n’t be a 
doctor for the world, and I said but little, knowing I had 
rather slashed the old doctor on the first heat. 

Hold on — hand me a fly with a little wanillifidity on 
it ; hush your gab and take that worm out of your 
mouth ! Here we will go to dinner. 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


4# 


CHAPTER V. 

BUSTING A DOG AND CARVING A TURKVV, 

Am— Piley died with the hollow horn. 

Dogs are useful animals 
If they are kept at home, 

But worse than any cannibals 

When in doctor’s shop they roam ; 

And turkeys are the finest dish 

While they are young and tender — 

But if they ’re tough, I never wish 
. Myself to act as carver. 

Shitepoke. 

Well, now I have recovered from negro-stealmg and 
toss of sleep, and will endeavor to give you a little more 
of my experience in life. After attending the big cave 
every night for two weeks (where I had been dissecting 
the negro), I again commenced studying regularly. 1 
was not long left at ease, and in a situation to enjoy 
my reading. A strange circumstance took place at the 
office ; I began to think I was haunted ; I felt extremely 
uncomfortable. There was a large dog in the village 
belonging to a gentleman of the highest respectability. 1 
am constrained to say this from the fact that I loved his 
daughter about as hard as a mule could kick in a “ yel- 
low-jacket’s nest. I was a frequent visitor at his house, 
and the family seemed to think me quite deserving, for 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


they never said any thing about me but in terms of 
highest praise. I had often noticed the dog, but did not 
see that there was any thing peculiar about him. When 
I first commenced visiting the family, the dog tried, on 
several occasions, to “insert a tooth” for me, but my 
visits becoming more and more frequent, he found it 
troublesome, gave it up as a bad job, and became very 
familiar with me. I had been visiting the family, or 
rather Miss Mollie, for I cared but little for any of them 
but her, for some time. From some cause, I can ’t tell 
what, the dog commenced returning my calls, and he 
came to see me as regular as the sun rises. I began to 
feel rather bored with such a customer ; not that I enter- 
tained any unpleasant feelings toward the dog, but it was 
something so unusual, so much out of the ordinary habits 
of the animal. He would not go to any other place, 
from home, and would not come to the office only at that 
particular time, which was just after sunset. I was get- 
ting on the superstitious order, though I was no believer 
in “ ghosts.” Every little boy in the place was annoy- 
ing me about being so intimate with Colonel Tilford’s 
family. “Even,” said they, “old Cuff comes to the 
office every day to see you.” Then the old women got 
hold of it, and it had as well been in the papers : and, to 
make it still more desirable, the negroes got to putting 
their clap-boards of locomotion in use on the subject, i 
was mad, I was sad, I was teased, I was greased, and 
squeezed about the affair until I got as mad as Davy 
Crockett and the bear in the hollow tree. I knew as well 
as I was a rogue that it would not do for me to make any 
public demonstration of my displeasure, for that would 
only make things worse. I was careful not to let any 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


51 


one know that I felt a little “ haunted,” as that would, 
perhaps, lead to suspicion that I had been doing some- 
thing wrong. I therefore determined to get rid of the 
dog, whether it was ghost or no'ghost; for unless I did. 
my studies would be knocked into a candlestick with- 
out wick or tallow. You need not be thinking any such 
thing ; I did n’t intend to poison him : I was too high 
minded for that. 

I concluded, as a first resort, to give the dog a good 
thrashing, and thought, perhaps, that would give him the 
nint that his company was not desirable. I procured me 
a long beech limb, large enough to drive oxen with, and 
had it ready by the time he would come the next evening. 

As faithful as ever, about half way between sunset 
and dark, while everybody was at supper, and the others 
doing something else, here he came, walked into the of- 
fice with as much authority as a big bob- tail rooster 
into a hen house?, and commenced going round and 
snuffing like he smelt something. I said to him — 

“ My old fellow, I’ll give you particular thunder one 
time, and then, perhaps, you will stay out of here ; I ’ll 
not have everybody talking about you running after me 
like we were some kin.” 

I took the precaution to close doors on him, got my 
beech limb and commenced on him. “ Well, please to 
clear the dishes off, will you ? ” 

If ever a man was deceived in this life, I was that time 
The old dog, instead of rearing and charging like a little 
ram at a gate-post, to get out, told me in language that 
could not be misunderstood, that it was a two-handed 
game. He gave one hoarse growl, and made at me like 
a tiger. I saw 1 was in for a bad scrape ; turned round 


52 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


as quick as I could, thinking if I would open the door he 
wo uld go out and say nothing more about it. As I turned 
he made a grab at me, and caught me about six inches 
below the middle of the hack. He jerked me down as 
slick as you could swallow castor oil before breakfast. 
He commenced on me in reality, and I thought that I was 
to die one of the most undesirable deaths that ever came 
along. He held on to his hold and shook my two extremi- 
ties together as easy as if I had been a snake. I thought 
of hollowing, but then I knew that would not do, the 
beater beat. I finally concluded to send him a flag of 
truce : I did so by saying to him, “Cuff, Cuff,” and whis- 
tling to him. It had the desired effect ; he dropped me 
like a hot potato, to see who was calling him, and I open- 
ed the door that he might cool down a little. He went 
out after staying as long as he wanted to. 

Now wasn’t I mad ? I thought of every means to re- 
taliate ; I walked in every direction, knocked my head 
against the wall, threw off my coat, rolled up my sleeves, 
and then, in the absence of something better to do or do 
with, I fell down, rolled over faster than an old log in 
high water, and bleated equal to a billy-goat at a com- 
pile. I found such snorting and prancing would never 
kill the dog, and as I was determined on his life, I cooled 
off and commenced thinking. I could not stomach the 
thought of poisoning him, it looked so much like negro 
revenge. What was I to do? I knew it would not pay 
well to shoot him; I was unwilling to try my knife on 
him, lest he should apply the scarificator to my sternum 
again. There I stood, looking kin to a fool at a bran- 
dance ; but you know I soon start something important 
when 1 get to thinking right hard. My thoughts had 






. 

. 

• : left* 

■ 




OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


53 


availed me much in equally as tight places, and 1 was 
certain they would come to my rescue now. In a little 
less than no time I “ had it.” Ah! revenge, ’t is sweet. 
I ’ll show you, my old dog, how to growl. 

I was certain that dogs would eat meat when they 
could get it. I resolved on trying another experiment, 
to see who would come off conqueror. I procured some 
pieces of raw beef, spunk, and half a pound of gun- 
powder. About the time I thought he would pay his 
evening visit, I got all my things ready. The pieces of 
beef had been selected for the purpose, and they were in 
hunks as big as a miser’s heart. I had five or six of 
those pieces. I cut into the beef and hollowed it out, 
each piece, so that it would hold near an ounce ofpowder 
After having them all charged with powder, I got the 
spunk and prepared a piece of it for each of the beef, by 
cutting into the middle, touching it with a small piece of 
fire, and then sealing it with a wafer. This being put 
with the powder, and a string tied fast round the beef, 1 
threw them to the dog, and, as I had expected, he swal- 
lowed them without chewing. I soon had five ounces of 
powder “ safely ” lodged in his gastric cavity, and he 
wagged his tail for more, like he thought I was a great 
friend of his. I told him he could n’t come it, and or- 
dered him out. He did not seem disposed to go, and 1 
began to fear the fire and powder would grow warm in 
their digestive movements. I had rather been caught 
stealing watermelons, than for the powder to have taken 
fire while the dog was in the office. 

When driven to it we can do many things, and I knew 
one of us had to be out of there pretty soon, or I would 
be in as bad a fix as the dog. I started out in as grea* 


54 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


a hurry as. a man with diarrhoea. As I went out I saw 
a bucket of water, and in a moment I recollected that 
dogs were as food of water as doctors of poor patients. 
I took up the bucket and threw the contents on the dog. 
He shot like an arrow out of the back door, and then, 
as I must see*the fun out, I shut up the doors and started 
to supper. 

• I think it was the best time for a little amusement of 
this kind that ever happened. The inhabitants of the 
little village were all standing on the sidewalk talking 
very busily just after sunset, on a beautiful day in fall. 
As I got out the front door I saw the dog some few steps 
from me, trotting along as big as an Irishman with a jug 
of whisky on Saint Patrick’s day. He went a few steps 
further and belched forth. It was rich ! it was. I never 
have witnessed any thing more interesting for the same 
length of time. It roared louder than old Bdl Saddler 
blasting rock for bee-hives on Sunday. Such another 
noise had not been heard in that place since everybody 
collected together to see me “ start off of the right foot.* 
The whole village was soon on the spot, except myself. 
I thought that I had better stay away for a while, to avoid 
any suspicions resting on me about killing the old man’s 
dog. I went in and got my supper and could stand it 
no longer, but put off to see “What was the matter.” 
I went up, and there was a sight for a man that had re- 
cently taken his supper. The good people were stand 
ing about in perfect amazement, none daring to go nearer 
than ten or fifteen feet of the remains of the dog. The 
animal had been torn asunder, and no mistake, and His 
quarters were thrown in as many different directions as a 
Yankee has ways to m ike a living. Next evening th* 


OF AN AUKANSAW DOCTOR. 


55 


log came to see me, he didn't. Then came the tug! 
who did it? Well, there was no proof; but there was 
no one in the village that had aught against the dog 
but me, and I therefore had to labor under the suspicion 
of. killing old “Cuff.” 

Now for another scrape ! I had not thought of the 
importance of the affair. I was awfully in love with the 
old man’s daughter, as I said before. I expected nothing 
else but a blow up of my expected happiness. Ah ! 
yes, I was soon to be driven from that angel’s presence, 
that I had loved as my own soul ; no more was I to bask 
in her sweet smiles ; no more to kiss those precious lips. 
We were plighted to marry at the end of my studies. 
(Two years.) We could afford to wait that long, as we 
were both young. But now farewell to every hope of 
such happiness ; it was gone forever. I resolved on 
seeing her at all hazards, one time more. I did not wait 
long, fearing the excitement would get “ no better fast.” 
The next evening I went as usual to see Miss Mollie. 
I expected to get my walking papers about killing old 
“ Cuff ; ” the whole family thought he was a great dog. 
I went in, and immediately I saw a change ; they all 
looked as sweet as rye biscuit at me ; Miss Mollie did 
look a little more natural than any of them, but even 
she did not look right straight at me. The first thing 
to be talked about was the departed dog. I made very 
strange of it, and said any man who would be guilty of 
such a thing was a low-bred, mean scoundrel. I saw 
it would n’t take, and as soon as possible changed the 
subject to one more agreeable. 1 never experienced 
such feelings in all my life. To think of being ruined 
about blowing up a dog, was intolerable. I tried to talk; 


56 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


my mouth wouldn’t go off. I saw at* once I was only 
treated with the civility that 1 was, for some sinister mo- 
tive. I made rather a short stay of it, and on my depart- 
ure was greatly surprised to receive an invitation to a 
“ little gathering ” they were going to have next evening 
I felt a little easier after this, but still feared something 
was going to be done to me. I could almost always 
tell when a storm was rising over my head, by my 
feelings. I thought I would go, and if any thing went 
wrong I would be in for another buster. My dander 
was up as big as an elephant, and, reader, I will make 
you think so before I am done, mind if I do n’t. 

Well, the time appointed drove round and told me to 
get in: I did so, and found a dozen or two of the best look- 
ing young folks in our place, seated round, talking and 
laughing like something was to come off soon, and thinks 
I, it is all to be at my expense, and then won’t it be 
awful before such a crowd to be exposed and lose dear 
Mollie too. I did n’t feel much like talking under such 
liabilities, but I was thinking about as hard as ever you 
saw a man in all creation. While I was thinking at 
such a rate, the old lady and gentleman came in, and ex- 
plained the object of the meeting by asking us in to sup- 
per. We all walked in, and I saw what they were “up 
to.” The old lady politely requested that I would “cut 
up” the turkey. I told her I was a poor hand, but was 
willing to do the best I could. I had never carved a 
turkey in my life, and knew about as much of the sci- 
ence as I did of the French language, but saw there was 
no getting out of- it, and pitched at the old fellow like 
lawyers at a large estate. 

Oh, will you just kick me off my moral subsistinance ? 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 57 

Of all the turkies that ever yelped on chestnut ridges, this 
beat them. It must have been the gobbler that Noah turn- 
ed loose. And then the knife — it was dull enough to go to 
mill on. There I was, doing nothing as fast as you could 
drink whisky, and everybody waiting to try their teeth 
on the “ herbiferous.” I had hold of his hind leg above 
the knee with one hand, and the knife in the other. .1 
found that I had as well try to drink the Mississippi dry 
as to cut that tough old gobbler. I was getting red in the 
face ; I was panting for breath ; the whole crowd laugh- 
ing at me ; I began to throw aside modesty and take up 
a little of something more profitable ; bravery. I was 
as mad as a Jew when he gets the price for an article 
that he first asked. I would die rather than be beat. I 
cooled down a little. I held on to my hold as I quietly 
commenced pulling the old trotter off of the dish — still 
I sawed away — I got him on the table — I kept sawing 
until I got him on the floor — here I did not stop either — 
1 hauled him to the door — made him give one good 
“ cute,” with my assistance — and then taking my foot 
instead of my hand I kicked him twenty feet in+o the 
yard. 

“ Madam, will you please to kill your turkey before 
bringing him on the table, when you ask me to combat 
one again ? ” Great was the consteration when the old 
gobbler made his exit. The old gentleman raised up, and 
#made at me with the vengeance of a maniac. I did not 
want to hurt him, and concluded the best policy would 
be to leave while my credit was up. I broke for my hat, 
which was on the other side of the table — I grabbed it, 
and at the same time started out at the back door. As 
1 stooped to get my hat, one of my coat buttons caught 


58 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


in a hole in the table-cloth, and off came the old lady’s 
“ China,” with the crash of a falling temple. The old 
man, forgetting himself for a moment, called old “Cuff” 
to catch me ; but I had no fears of “ Cuff” then, he had 
gone where all the “ good dogs ” go. It is unnecessary 
to say that this broke up my love scrape with a rush. 

“ Yonder sits a wild goose on that tree, 

I look at him and he look at me ; 

I cocked my gun, he saw me raise it, 

He owes me a debt, I know he ’ll not pay it.” 

But never mind, old “Rackensack” is never behind, 
only when he aint before. 

Three sticks of cough candy, one wooden nutmeg, 
and a cow’s heel — Farewell ! May you never know 
one sorrow, may your life be one of uninterrupted hap- 
piness, and may your heart never throb but with feel- 
ings of tender emotion. The cloud is lowering over 
me ; I ’ll tell you about it to-morrow 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


59 


CHAPTER VI. 

HE WAY TO KEEP FOLKS FROM MARRYING. 

Air— PU hang my nose on a forked stick. 

How sweet to love when loved again ; 

How bad it is to suffer pain ; 

How happy are we to win a heart ; 

How bad it is with it to part. 

How bright the night on which they met; 

How soon they found a room to let ; 

How rich would been the bridal ring ; 

How they would envy prince and king. 

Shakf.srag. 

I i ; act call on Miss Mollie again lor some time, 
nopin^ 5 v ie affair would cool down a little, and rested well 
contenk i until a report was out that she had a new suitor, 
and people said that she leaned up to him like a sick 
kitten to a hot rock, as though she had never cared any- 
thing for me. 

It looked hard to a man up a tree, but I consoled my- 
self by recollecting that I knew where the sweetest spot 
on her face was — on her little pouting lips, I had kissed 
them often. But this consolation did not last long, for 
very soon it was rumored in town that Mollie was going 
to marry him. I grunted mightily, but said nothing. 1 
felt a great rising up and sinking down sensation under 
my short ribs. I saw every hope vanish. I saw I had to 


60 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


haul to. Yes, farewell, Mollie, I have loved thee too true ; 
but for my foolishness you might have been the one with 
whom I could have lived — with whom I could have been 
the happiest of beings. But now the dream is sadly o’er 
— it is too late — and, down I fell on the bed, and the 
tears ran out of me like a shower-bath. What shall I 
do? It is useless to think any more about it now, but 1 
will be revenged yet. 

The night was set ; preparations were making for a 
grand festival ; and sad, sad the thought that 1 was to 
become the object of scorn and ridicule, without being 
able to retaliate. A short time’s reflection opened a way 
by which I could wreak my vengeance on the heads of my 
persecutors. Only two days more, and then Miss Mollie 
was Miss Mollie no more, but Mrs. Koot. Ah ! my young 
man, I’ll Koot you, though in doing it I run the risk of in- 
flicting an injury on her who has been the object of my 
heart’s earliest and dearest affections. 

Nearly every person in the village was invited, except 
myself; this I did not expect, or even wish for ; I had as 
much to do that night as I could well attend to. An hour 
or two before the nuptials were to be served up, I might 
or may not have been seen sloping off to the woods in 
search of something. What do you think it was? A 
limb to hang myself to? No, that was n’t it ; all but that 
It was. something that hangs on trees, but it don’t grow 
there ; something bigger than a common sized dog's head, 
but it wasn’t that neither. I had seen it hanging to that tree 
a long time: it was made of a very frail material, collected 
from fence rails, house tops, &c. ; very tender, but strong 
enough to protect the inmates of a stormy night and cold 
days; and stout enough to keep them safely housed when 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


6 ] 


you stop the inlet and outlet. I went up carefully and 
found it as it was when I last saw it ; it was hanging to a 
limb that was near the ground, so I could reach it without 
any trouble. I had some wads of paper for the purpose 
of stopping the entrance, and, seeing they were all in, 1 
stopped up the mouth, took out my knife, and soon had 
all things ready for returning to the scene of action. 

I got back to the office in good time ; it was getting 
dark, too much so for any one to notice me with my 
knapsack. A few minutes and the marriage is to take 
place. Ah ! if it does, it will be at the expense of a 
good share of suffering to all present. 

While 1 was summing up the cost and the probable 
result of my intentions, an old negro belonging to the 
father of Miss Mollie, came by the door of the office. I 
was standing waiting for the moment to arrive when I 
should put my plans in execution. Says he to me — 

“ Wy massa, haint you going to de weddin’ at our 
house ? ” 

« No, Jerry ; your old master do n’t like me, and has not 
invited me.” 

“ Well, massa, I tells you one ting wat dis nigga 
knows. Miss Moll do n’t like dat Koot, but ole massa say 
she shall hab ’im, cause he no want you to get her.” 

“ Ah ! well, Jerry, I can’t help it ; go on home.” 

I should have liked very much to talk to Jerry more 
on the subject, but knew that time was precious at that 
moment. Now that Jerry was gone, my feelings were 
horrid in the extreme. I now saw what a game had been 
played off on me. Mollie, dearest Mollie, she loved me 
still, and oh ! how cruel I had been not to seek an inter- 
view with her after my difficulties at her father’s — but 


62 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


now the time is past — gone forever. In this state of ex- 
citement I shut up my door, took up the bundle, and 
started to carry out my revenge. I got to the back dooi 
just as these words were spoken by the Squire — 

“If any person or persons present has just cause why 
this man and this woman should not be joined in the 
holy bands of matrimony, let them now speak, or forever 
after hold their peace.” 

It seemed as if there was an unusual pause after the 
words were spoken, and now, I thought, was my time to 
speak in tones of thunder. I pulled out the pieces of 
paper, and, as I did so, put the mouth of one of the big- 
gest hornet’s nests in a crack under the door, that ever 
you imagined. The little creatures poured out like bees 
swarming. After I thought they were nearly all out, I 
grabbed the mouth again, and started for the office with 
all the power in me. I got in and soon put fire to the 
hornet’s nest. 

The office was very close to the old man’s house. 1 
went up stairs to see what effect these little insects would 
have on matrimony or its intention. I had not reached 
the top of the stairs before I heard some of the most heart- 
rending screams, the keenest shrieks, the loudest groans, 
that ever fell on mortal ear. The house was crowded 
with old men and young men, old women and young 
women, boys, girls, and little children in great abund- 
ance. No sooner had the hornets been turned loose than 
they commenced a regular war on every person in the 
house. The first one to be assaulted was the old Squire 
A whaling big old fellow the size of a bumblebee hauled 
away and let him have it between the eyes; and still 
better, Mr. Root’s nose, being the most prominent part 










. 






■ 1 r ' : - r; ' •" r - ■■■ : - -■ i ?rvu • .rr .* • 

■ 

■ 

■ 


...... 




“ There was not another word said * * * for the end of that 

pause found the Hornets playing Old Harry with their faces .” — Page 6 3. 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR 


63 


about, him, except his organ for stealing, was run into worse 
than a snagged steamboat, and they did not content them- 
selves with his nose, but poked it to every available spot 
about him. As you might imagine, this soon scattered 
the crowd, and in time too to save my own dear Mollie 
from an alliance with that baboon, Koot. There was not 
another word said after asking if there was any objection 
to the union, for the end of that pause found the hornets 
playing old Harry with their fair faces. They ran out 
as if the Devil himself was after them. They knocked 
down the fences, run over wood-piles, and cut more 
didoes than a monkey in hot water. They roared like 
lions, screamed like panthers, yelled worse than Indians, 
and jumped higher than negroes at a camp-meeting. I 
enjoyed it, I did. One thing strange there was, in the 
rounds, Miss Mollie did not receive the first injury. After 
the hornets doing so much in the way of stinging, there 
could be nothing more done that night. They concluded 
to put it off until another night; in fact I don’t think the 
Squire or Mr. Koot could have stood still long enough to 
say two words. The old lady and gentleman were in 
equally as bad a fix, as well as many others that were 
present. Violent inflammation set in, and before morn 
ing my preceptor was called to see some twenty of them, 
and I believe Koot was about as bad as any in the mess. 

Fire and tow, here below — 

Ah ! fool, look out — I told you so : 

Go home and see your mammy, O I 

And she’ll learn you how to “ skin a tater or bring a 
basket of chips to make the soap bile. 


64 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


CHAPTER VII. 

A DEATH-BED SCENE. 

Aib — O, leave me to my sorrow. 

A hope has lighted up my path 
Of happiness in future, 

And now, amid the threats and wrath, 

My plans at last will conquer ; 

Hark ! the cloud in darkness rises 
To burst when o’er my head, 

And hope as quickly vanishes, 

As I look upon the dead. 

Myself. 

The tuing of Miss Mollie and Ivoot was postponed 
a few days, and I thought I would make one effort to 
see her again or write to her before another attempt was 
made, as they would no doubt be on the lookout for in 
truders. Whether they thought it was me that played 
the trick on them or not, I am not able to say, but they 
said nothing to that effect that I ever heard of. There 
was another heart beside my own, that thrilled with 
joy, on account of the failure described in the last chap 
ter; it was Miss Mollie. Yes, she would have been 
willing to suffer more than all the persons present did 
to escape such a sacrifice, for she hated Koot worse than 
any man on earth; she told him she did not love him* 
and never could. He saw, though, that her parent# 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


65 


would do any thing to prevent her from marrying me. I 
was studying what course to pursue next morning, and 
picked up my book as usual, and started off to a beauti- 
ful woods near the village. I was in the habit of going 
there every day to study. It was a thick grove of trees 
between two little hills, and a fine place for study and 
retirement. I went and sat down on that same old log 
that had been my seat before, but there was no such 
thing as studying that morning. I was thinking of the 
past, present, and future : I blamed myself for my many 
foolish acts. I could think of no way by which I could 
ever again speak to her that I loved with all the af- 
fection of my youthful heart. I was miserable ; my 
thoughts availed me nothing : my young heart could 
bear it no longer, I burst into tears. Ah ! yes, well do 
I remember the feelings to-day, as my fragile form 
gently sank beneath the weight, and 1 let myself to the 
ground. My head was resting on the log with my hand- 
kerchief over my face ; I was in the deepest agony — but 
list ! I hear a sound — I look up, I wipe away my tears, 
and what do I see ? Is it an angel from the realms of 
bliss above coming to console me ? Do my eyes deceive 
me ? No, it must be her. Yes, it is the object of all my 
thoughts. She approached me. I arose from my situa- 
tion on the ground and sat upon the log. My heart was 
beating convulsively. She came up and said to me, 

“ Why do you thus weep ? ” 

“ Ah! Miss Mollie, would that I might say dear Mollie, 
as once I did, but now I dare not : I have cause to weep : 
the thought that a few days more and then I must aban- 
don every hope of receiving the sweet smiles of the one 


66 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


that is now before me ; the one I love, the one to \vhoi.i 
I plighted my affections, is sufficient cause — ” 

“ Dear Doc, do n’t speak thus, you will break my 
heart. Do you not know that I saw you leave the office, 
and thinking you were coming here, I have come to let 
you know that Mollie loves you yet, and is still willing 
to be yours, notwithstanding that last night I came neai 
making myself miserable for life, and but for the circum- 
stances that occurred 1 would have been consigned to a 
life of wretchedness. My parents have tried to make 
me marry that unfeeling villain ; but now, dear Doc, it 
is with you to save me from impending danger. Can 
you still love your own dear Mollie ? will you stand by 

her when persecution arises? will ” 

“ Come to my arms, my sweet girl ; though they be 
weak, I promise you that by them the mighty shall fall, 
ere they tear thee from my bosom.” 

She leaned fondly on me as I imprinted a kiss on her 
sweet lips. Again she was mine, and mine forever. She 
said she must hurry back, and what arrangements we had 
to make, must be done quick. I told her to hold out faith' 
ful, and I was ever ready to stand by her. We made ar 
rangements to meet often at the same place, and, after 
pledging everlasting fidelity to each other, she left. 
After she was gone, my poor heart was at ease. 

In ten or twelve days after this, her parents told her 
that the wedding must come off. Now came the trying 
point, the one that would test her love. It was soon 
decided. She let all things go on, all arrangements 
be made as before, told me in the mean time, though, 
what she intended doing. The night arrived, and all 
things seemed fast coming to a close. They were again 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


6T 


cm the floor, the ceremony proceeded until it came to the 
part, “Will you take this man to be your lawful husband, 
&c. ? 55 When she loosed her arm from his, and said : 

“ No, I never will. I am pledged to another , and 1 
never agreed to marry this man . I was tried to be forced 
to marry him, but now say in the presence of these 
witnesses, I never will, marry him?’ 

There was great excitement for awhile about it, but 
finding she would not agree to marry him on any terms, 
they gave it up. She would not see him again that 
night after leaving the room. Her parents made use of 
every means to keep her and I from meeting : we met a 
few times at the same romantic spot in the woods, but 
her parents finding that out, it was put a stop to; we pass- 
ed notes and sweet smiles ateach other for atime: this too 
was detected and prohibited, and soon her parental home 
was nothing more than a prison to her. Ah, cruel, cruel 
parents, that could thus trifle with your, child’s happiness ! 
You know not what you do ; you, ere long, will weep 
over your barbarous triumph. Yes, could it be other- 
wise ? In a short time those rosy cheeks were growing 
pale, those eyes so bright were soon dimmed by sorrow. 
It passed unnoticed by her parents, who, seeking nothing 
else but their own ends to accomplish, let he* suffer 
uncared for until this dear creature was prostrated on a 
bed of languishing and affliction with cheeks burning 
with fever. They were at last alarmed, and tried to re- 
store her by kinder treatment; but ah, the time had passed. 
The trouble of mind contributed something, in fact was 
the exciting cause, of her disease ; but she would one 
day have fallen a victim to the disease, which was con- 
sumption. She thought, though, that it was altogether 


G8 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


the treatment ner parents had exercised toward her 
that caused her sickness, not knowing that she was pre- 
disposed to consumption. Medical aid was procured ; 
she was treated a short time by another physician, liv- 
ing in the village, but all to no purpose. My preceptor 
was then called in consultation ; he told her parents 
she must go in a short time, that nothing could be done 
for her. As he was going out of the door, my precep- 
tor was told that the young lady wanted to see him 
alone. He went in, and she said to him — 

“ Doctor, I feel that I am only going to live a few 
days ; do n’t deceive me : what do you think of me ? ” 
He told her candidly that he did not think himself 
that she could. 

“ Well, then, will you tell Pa and Ma to come here ? ” 
He called them ; they came in, and then she talked 
to them, for the first time, about dying. She said — 

“ My dear parents, you have made my life a misery 
to me ; deprived me of the society of one that you knew 
J loved ; brought me now near the grave, and the doc- 
tor says I can ’t live many days : will you grant me one 
request, that I may see Mr. Rattlehead to-day, and every 
day that I have to live? He loves me; may I see him?” 

Those parents, who before had refused her almost 
every request, told her to ask for any thing and it should 
be granted. How strange that parents will sometimes 
treat their children so cruel, and yet love them. They do 
not remember that their children have tender feelings, 
like they once had themselves. She told the doctor to 
tell me to come over and see her, that her parents were 
willing. He came to the office and told me. It was 
the most welcome news that ever greeted my ear. 


■ 


' . : ■ ' ‘ -v : 'T 

V 






■ • ... 



* My dear Doe, do I see you ©nee more !” 


Page H. 





OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR 


69 


I went ami oh, what a scene ! to see her who, a few 
?\eeks before, was a paragon of beauty, now reduced to 
a shadow. But though she was so feeble, her voice was 
good, her love was steadfast, her heart was true. I had 
hardly crossed the threshold of her father’s dwelling, 
when Miss Mollie, poor creature, raised up in her bed 
and said : — 

“ My dear Doc, do I see you once more? ” 

I went to her; I pressed her to my heart; 1 kissed 
her pale lips; she again laid down. May God forbid 
that any of those who may read these pages should ever 
have to know, by sad experience, my feelings at that 
moment. I was allowed to visit her until she died, 
which was ten days after I first saw her. The time is 
past — the scene is o’er : but it will never be forgotten. 
She died resting-on my arm ; she died happy. She’s 
gone to rest in heaven. 

Farewell, dear Mollie, I see thee no more, 

Thy trouble and sufferings are now at an end , 

You ’re gone to reap your reward in store, 

But you have left to weep a faithful friend. 

Years have past since the last fond look 
I took of thee, thou sweetest of beings ; 

Thou art lying near the murmuring brook 
On which we met in by-gone days. 

Often memory will bring back 
A thought of where you now repose, 

And oh ! how sweet ’t will be to think 
Thy soul no sorrow knows. 

Farewell to the spot, it ’s long since faded 
From my vision, then so bright, 

But will be cherished and regarded 
With remembrance never dying. 


70 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


CHAPTER Vlli 

NEW PLAN FOR CATCHING A R^GUR 

Air — Good-by, you ’ ve broke my hern 

When winter comes with chilling frost 
We know the summer ’s gone, 

And quick to work, no time is lost, 

We gather in our corn. 

But something else we know we want, 

Besides this common food, 

Houses tight to keep us in, 

And good supply of wood. 

Corkscrew. 

As may well be supposed, after passing through so 
many sore trials, I could not study much for several 
4 days. The thought, though, that Miss Mollie loved me 
to the last expiring moment, and that she had escaped 
a life of misery, by not marrying a man she could not 
love, was one consoling thought that made me better 
prepared to stand the shock. I knew that she was hap- 
py. I knew that weeping for her would not bring her 
back, would not make me any more happy in future. 
Before long I recovered from the effects of it, and com- 
menced studying again. 

It was now getting cold weather, and 1 confined my- 
self to the office very closely. I had a fine lot of wood 
laid up for the winter, and thought now that my life would 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


71 


be a comparatively smooth one to what it had been for 
a few months past. I had no more love-scrapes, no 
more “ negro stealing,’’ nothing now to interrupt me. I 
was imbibing knowledge very fast, comfortably seated by 
a good wood fire from early morn until late at night. I 
had but little to say to any person but my preceptor. T 
often felt gloomy and sad in reflecting over the many 
unpleasant scenes of the past, the solitude of the present, 
and fears of the future. Notwithstanding my retired life 
it was not so much so but that I could discover any in- 
jury or injustice done me from any source whatever. I 
observed that my stock of wood, which I had thought 
quite ample for the season, was fast melting away. I 
thought I was not extravagant in the use of it myself; 
could it be that any person in the village was so friendly 
with me as to “ take a little ” of a cold morning before I 
got out of bed ? I did not know of any one so remarka- 
bly intimate with me as that, but the fact was, the wood 
was going too fast, and I was determined to see how it 
was. 1 had some pieces cut of a suitable length for 
putting on the fire, and left them outside of the door. 
Next morning the wood was gone. I tried the experi- 
ment the second time ; the result was the same. I had 
now fairly tested the matter, and found that some person 
was toating it off : but now who did it, was the question, 
and how was I to find it out ; and more important still 
how to put a stop to it. It was too cold to stand out and 
watch, and besides that, I had something else to do, and 
no time to spare. I wanted to put a stop to such an in- 
fringement on my rights; how was I to do it? I was 
puzzled no little about it, but finally a plan occurred to 
me that I thought would meet the exigencies of the case 
E 


72 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


There were some knotty old beeches that were hard to 
split, and not very valuable, that I had cut of the usual 
length for putting on the fire, took them into the office 
and bored two or three holes in each piece with an auger, 
about half way through them. I then took some gun- 
powder, filled the holes half full of it, then fitted tight 
wooden pins to put into them, making a small groove 
on the side of the pins, by which I could fix a match, 
the external part to be filled with cotton, wadded in to 
prevent the powder from running out until the wood was 
on the fire. I put these out at the back door, as pre- 
viously. I did not sit up very late that night, but retired 
to bed, hoping that before another sun should rise I should 
be waked up by the sound of “ gunpowder on fire in a 
tight place.” 

I was resting from the labors of the day, and dreaming 
very interestingly on some medical subject, when I was 
awakened by the sound of something in the upper part 
of the village. There was more than half a dozen slap- 
bangs — roaring like fifty-sixes well charged. I got up 
as easy as I could and went to the window to see if I 
could tell any thing of where it was. I heard a mighty 
noise like people running, brush cracking, children cry- 
ing, men groaning, women screaming, horses neighing 
and running in every direction. Such a noise could not 
fail to arouse the good people of that quiet little place 
from their lethargy. I concluded to be in the fashion, and 
got up too, to see what was the consequence. I began 
to fear that I had done a horrid deed for the sake of sav- 
ing a little wood ; but no time to think of that part of the 
job now it was done. I dressed myself as soon as 1 
could, and went up to behold the effect of wood-stealing 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


73 


Reader, were you ever present when a steamboat ex- 
ploded, or a steam- car ran off the track down a big bluff? 
If so, you can form some idea of what a picture presented 
itself when I went up. It was something remarkable 
that, on that very night there was a little “ coming to- 
gether” of some of the young people of the village, to 
have a bit of fun in the way of dancing, playing, &c. It 
is now long since the circumstance I am giving you an 
account of occurred, but I almost shrink from the task as 
I attempt to pen it for your reading to-day ; such an im- 
pression was there made on me at that moment. I almost 
repented that I had acted so harshly for such a trivial 
cause, but I recollected it was my lot always to be in 
scrapes, and was reconciling it to my own feelings the 
best I could. 1 felt pretty safe as regarded the law, for 
they would not dare to speak of it even, or censure me 
in any way. 

Well, I must get through with this, i am taking up 
time and space telling you of my feelings, and have neg- 
lected to finish the history of the case. As I said, I 
went in and found many persons there besides those that 
were invited to the party. The noise had awakened 
many “ that slept,” and they came to see what was on 
hand. Where do you suppose this party and my wood 
was at, and who was there ? It was at the house of one 
Mr. Koot. “ It was n’t anywhere else.” You recollect 
Koot, do n’t you ? Yes, my rival. I thought you did. 
I ’ll tell you all how it happened. 

You see this Koot and I did n’t like one another better 
than a dog likes hickory, anyway, and he thought, to vex 
me a little, he would steal my wood; and, still more to 
wound my pride, his father gave a little party to his 


74 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


■particular friends, and left my friends and me with “ the 
bag to hold.” (Very glad he did.) When they all got 
in a good way, John Koot, the young man, sent or come 
himself, I do n’t care which, all the same, you know — 
and waged off my wood, all ready for putting on the 
fire — quite convenient, you see, (all bored and full of 
powder, if he ’d known it,) and carried it up and laid it 
on the fire — cold night, very good thing in its place. 
All was proceeding well, and doubtless they were ex- 
ulting over me, when one of Amos ./hc&.S 0 ?i’.s baby -wakers 
burst loose in all its power. It told a tale of bloodshed 
and broken noses never to be forgotten. I went in, and 
as bad as I was at tricks, I felt greatly mortified that 1 
had done as I did. It had played dreadful havoc indeed. 
The old man Koot, poor fellow, was the first I observed 
A piece of the log had struck him just above the knee 
his leg was badly bruised and torn, and was bleeding 
like a spring sprout. Young Koot — unhappy man, I 
feel for you to this day — had the worst injury of any 
one in the room. His skull was badly fractured, and he 
was lying on the floor perfectly senseless, and the blood 
gushing from the wound in torrents. The old lady, Mrs. 
Koot, happened to be in another room, and was nothurt. 
Miss Koot, though she was as ugly as a mud fence, I 
could but feel sorry for her. Her arm was fractured 
above the wrist. Many others were injured slightly, 
such as broken noses, splinters of wood in the back, 
and other things too tedious to mention. 

Mercy save us ! the old woman was making more 
noise than I ever heard proceed from mortal lips. She 
out-squalled an Indian, knocked her hands together 
worse than a rattle-trap, jumped higher than a dog in 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


7 5 


an oat patch, shook like an earthquake, fell up and got 
down faster than a fool on ice, and made more motions 
than a calf choked with a hemp rope three feet down 
its throat. 

Medical aid was procured as soon as possible, and as 
there was no other physician to be found in the place 
but my preceptor, he was called. It was a fine job for 
him, and I too, as I assisted in dressing the wounded; 
and before day we had them all in as good condition as 
could be expected. Young Koot had a dangerous frac- 
ture ; we took out a piece of the bone, which soon re • 
stored him to consciousness, and eventually he recov- 
ered; in fact they all got well without any trouble, 
except paying the doctor-bill. It was a profitable job 
for my preceptor ; he got a very decent sum for his ser- 
vices. As I had prognosticated, there was no fuss made 
about the affair in any way by the Koot family ; it was 
too plain they had been stealing wood. 

In a short time after this, the family, all in a lump by 
themselves, picked up their duds and left our parts — 
and have not been heard of since ; and if this little vol- 
ume should ever fall into their hands, or their hands 
should ever fall on this volume, I hope they will pardon 
me for naming the circumstances. I have started out 
to give my readers my life a little in detail, and could 
not do justice to them and leave it out of my book. I 
did not lose any more wood that winter, I did n't. In 
conclusion, let me say to those that lose wood, “ Go and 
do likewise.” 


76 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


CHAPTER IX. 

BLOODSHED AND HYSTERICS. 

Air — Here blood as free as water flows. 

A lady and daughter one morn did come 
A distance of three miles from home ; 

It was to see an older doc. than I 
A string around their arm to tie. 

“ Madam, him you can not find, 

But I am here to treat you kind.” 

“ Mother, now let him pierce my vein, 

And that will take away my pain.” 

Sally Hooker. 

Thus ended my difficulties for awhile. I found that 
unless I quit such tricks as I had been at all my life, J 
would kill somebody, and I did not want to do that ; 1 
had been in scrapes enough ; I had become tired of it. 
I had been reading for some time without any trouble 
with mankind and human beings in general, and con 
sidered quite a change had come over the “ spirit of my 
dreams.” Actuated by these feelings, I thought it high 
time that I was doing something to make people believe 
I was learning to be a doctor. There were many chronic 
cases that came to the office to be prescribed for. So, 
not to put the doctor to so much trouble going to see 
them — and many of them I knew were not dangerous— 


OF AN ARK ANSA W DOCTOR. 


77 


why can ’t I try my luck on them ? I can do as well 
perhaps, as the old doctor in many of those cases. 

One morning an old lady and her daughter called at 
the office to he bled Many persons in that part of the 
country were in the habit of being bled once a year: it 
was an old custom, and it is a vulgar notion, I have been 
informed, of many persons, even to this day, in the high- 
est circles of society. My preceptor was out, visiting 
some patients. The old lady, after telling me the object 
of her visit, asked where the old doctor was. I informed 
her that he was absent, and would not return for some 
hours ; but, says I, if you only want to be bled, I can do 
that for you as well as the old doctor or anybody else. 

“ You look like bleeding any one, do n’t you ? You 
do n’t know enough to bleed my old bay mare that ’s 
with colt in the rye-patch.” 

“ Oh hush, ma’am,” says the young lady ; “ I reckon 
young doctors has got some sense as well as old ones.” 

“ Well, I s’poses you think so,” replied the old lady. 

“ Yes, I am willing to let him try on me, if he has ever 
bled anybody before — have you ever done the like ? ” 

“ Madam, if I have bled one person, I have bled a 
thousand; besides, I have been in this office more than 
a year hard at study, reading medical books, and im- 
proving every day.” 

“ Oh, well, Sally, do as you please. I believe you 
like the young men best, anyhow.” 

By thus evading the question, I soon had a case. 1 
got out my lancet that the old doc. had given me, and 
flourished it round in a wise manner, like I had bled 
somebody before: well, I had, but not with the lancet 
exactly — remarking at the same time that bleeding was a 


/8 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


small affair. Bandage, bowl, staff, &c., all being ready, 
I laid hold of as fat and plump an arm as ever hung from 
the body of a damsel since Adam. I took up the bandage 
to cord her arm, and not knowing any thing about how 
tight it should be, drew it round like a bear hugging a 
dog — so close it couldn’t breathe. 

“ Oh ! mercy help me, you will cut off my arm, 
doctor.” 

“ Not by any means, my dear lady ; I was just trying 
to see how tight you could bear it; sopie persons, you 
know, must have a bandage much tighter than others ; 
I suppose you must be a little on the nervous order.” 

This the old lady objected to, saying that “ Sally had 
never been ’sterical in her life.” 

I had to ease her mind on that point before proceed- 
ing further, and this I did by telling her that I meant 
nothing about hysterics ; I meant that her daughter’s 
sensitiveness only proved that she was more refined in 
her feelings than most of ladies. 

“ I thought so ; she ’s a very smart girl, doctor.” 

I relaxed the bandage a little, and now for the worst 
part of it. I was scared awful, but I was in for a trial 
then. I made a lick at the arm with the lancet, and 
happened to strike the vein.* The blood run quite free, 
and the old lady was praising me for my skill, for such 
a short study, until I concluded Sally had bled enough. 
I loosed the bandage, and not knowing more about the 
process, I was standing there thinking how to stop the 
blood. The young lady was still bleeding as fast as ever, 
from the fact that she let her hand and arm swing down 
for the blood to run off of her fingers instead of on 
her dress. The old lady was getting alarmed for her 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


79 


daughter’s safety. Sally commenced crying; still the 
olood run. The old lady, not knowing what else to do ? 
tore off her bonnet, made an attempt to hollow for help, 
and, failing to do this, she fell down in a fit. of hysterics. 
Now, my feller mortals, you see the condition of affairs, 
how do you feel ? I do n’t know how you feel, or would 
have felt, had you been in my situation, but i felt with 
my fingers. 

When the old lady concluded to take the hysterics, 
Sally grew much worse, and keeled over with a fainting 
fit, or rather, she was suffering from too great an “afflux 
of blood to the arm.” I had often thought I was in a 
scrape before, in life, and doubtless you may think I had 
been, but now I could have got all my scrapes together 
in a bag, and this- would take the rag off your noses ; in 
fact it was the scrapings of creation. To think of it 
was enough to make the blood run hot in my toe nails. 
Just think of it. I do n’t believe you are half as much 
interested in it as I was. I believe I was about as much 
interested in it as I ever was in any thing in my life ; 
the old lady lying there on the floor, foaming at the 
mouth, and gasping for breath, or a little water, I didn’t 
know which ; Sally, a beautiful girl of fifteen, with pale 
countenance and fluttering pulse, seemed in the last 
agonies of death, lying at my feet. Ah ! horror of hor- 
rors, and my old hat for a bee-gum ! did 1 ever think 
such was to be my fate in life, after all the danger and 
bloodshed through which I had passed! Farewell to 
every fond hope and bright expectation, that had once 
lighted up my path. Here now lay the work of my 
hands ; two innocent females consigned to a premature 
grave by my presumption ; a husband — a father, made 


80 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


miserable by my heedlessness, my unguarded actions. 
1 wish you to bear in mind, though, my friends, that 1 
did not take as much time on that occasion to do some- 
thing, as I have on this page to do nothing. 

You may judge I was for looking to the young lady 
first, as my preceptor had always told me to remove the 
cause and the effect would cease. I reasoned thus : as 
Sally’s bleeding caused the old lady to take the hys- 
terics, I must staunch the blood before either would be 
relieved ; good syndesmology, was n’t it ; but, like many 
others in medical science, very absurd in the abstract. 
Well, think as you please, I acted accordingly, and now 
for the result. I looked at Miss Sally’s arm and found 
that it had quit bleeding — a very natural result — when she 
fainted, a small clot formed, and stopped up the orifice. 
I took advantage of the auspicious moment, and put a 
piece of cotton over the orifice, and a bandage. I then 
put ammonia to her nostrils, threw cold water in h£r face 
and the dear little creature opened her eyes, drew' her 
breath fast for a few moments, and before long was on 
her feet trying to revive her mother. She asked me for 
some spirits of camphor, saying her ma’am muse always 
have it when she was in that fix. The camphor soon 
had the desired effect ; the old lady bounced up and com- 
menced a terrible squall about the way 1 had done, but 
soon quit it, when I told her if she would say nothing- 
more about it I would not charge her any thing, and 
come to see Sally three times a week in the bargain. 
This soon made us friends, and if ever the scrape leaked 
out, you may have my mouth for a w r ash-bowl. I ’ll tell 
you the reason; as I said before, I promised to go and 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 81 

see Sally three times a week, merely to keep peace in 
the family. 

A week or two after the “ venesection ” of Sally, 1 
strolled over to see her, only three miles off, but in one 
of the most pugliferous, agroomenous, ambiguous, cada ^ 
verous, sudorloric “ Hollows ” that you ever did see. I 
rode up as authoritative as a sheep to a haystack, got 
off my horse and went in. I arrived in the best time, 
perhaps, for as soon as I reached the door the old lady 
bawled out — 

“ Polkstalks and leather breeches ! there comes our 
ramstuginous little doctor ; how are you?” 

“ Very well, madam, I thank you, hope I find you and 
family well ? ” 

“Most awful well since our spree in town the other 
day. I won’t tell any body ’bout it, though, you know. 
Look here, Doc., Sal was never so well in all her life ; 

I believe she is puttier than ever I was when I was a 
gal in ole Yirginny ; but 1 ’ll go and bring her out, 
though, and you can judge for yourself.” 

And so saying she put off into the other cabin for 
Sally. I was thinking, “ Well, old woman, if you think 
to put your daughter off on me, you are as bad mistaken 
as if you had burnt your shirt; not because she is not 
pretty, but I can ’t forget my dear Mollie so soon as this ; 
and besides this, I do n’t want to marry nohow up in 
these hollows.” 

In she come, before I got done thinking, with Sally, 
blushing like a millstone. She had improved very 
much. The old lady said to me that they were going to 
have a frolic there that night, and was glad I had come. 

She said she had sent Bill over for old Pat Dismukes, 


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and he would soon be back with the fiddle, and then we 
would have some fun ; “ I think we deserve a little after 
all of us coming so near losing our reputation, or our 
lives, you know, about the same thing. I haint told 
’bout that yet, though, an’ aint goin’ to.” 

I had a great time with Sally, about how she looked 
when she fainted. I told her she looked so white and 
nice about the lips, I felt like kissing her. 

“ I wish you had, it would soon brought me to my 
right feelings.” 

But, making short of a long story, Bill did soon come 
back with the fiddler, and then they commenced, and 
“ frog ponds and old newspapers ! ” what a row they 
kept up for three or four hours. As Sally and I did n’t 
dance, we set off in one corner and talked most tarnal 
agreeable all the time. At last they all feared they 
might wear out their new shoes, and was about breaking 
up when an unexpected, unnatural, unabridged circum- 
stance occurred. The old man and old woman got to 
talking very loud about the pigs rootin up the taters, and 
we all concluded to stay and see the fun outside in, if 
there was any more. The evil spirit had been in and 
among the crowd during the evening, and was now 
doing its share of good. They kept quarrelling until 
their labial prolongations made as much noise as the bolt 
of a wheat mill. So much labor was not to be lost. 
The old man plainly toid her, if she did not hush he would 
N frail her worse than a dog would a polecat. She was not 
disposed to bear any encroachment on her rights or her 
lefts either, and therefore gathered the broomstick and 
commenced giving him a good sweeping. He closed in 
on her, and they commenced a regular “ buster.” The 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


83 


persons present did n’t touch or say a word, and they 
continued uninterrupted until she got two or three ^ 
inches of the old man’s nose between her teeth. This 
is more than any man can stand, so he bawled out like 
something hurt him. They were soon separated, but 
too late to save the old man’s nose. She had taken an 
inch or so for breakfast. When she saw what was 
done, she gave one keen “Oh, ma ! ” and down she came, 
with a fit of hysterics, coflumpux on the floor. 

What a fortunate thing I happened to be here to-night. 
I’ll get a case of surgery, and 1 did too. Without say- 
ing a word to any person present, whether they desired 
my services or not, I took the piece of nose from the 
old lady’s mouth and put it in situ on the old man. I 
could not help thinking how much he looked like a big 
fat bull pup, before the end of his nose was put on. 1 
got a needle and thread and sowed it on the best I could, 
and then, by taking the white of an egg for plaster, 1 
completed the dressing. By this time some one had 
aroused the old lady. 

Thus ended the frolic in the little hog-skin hollow. 
But my name was soon sounded far and near as a sur- 
geon. The old man’s nose growed on again fast; yes it 
did, you need n’t be contending about whether it could 
or not. 

But now good night ; the wojves are howling most 
beautifully out on the bayou, and I can sleep so much 
better by some such music as that. I know you will 
excuse me until morning, and then commences another 
chapter 


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LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


CHAPTER X. 

AQUA FORTIS AND CROTON OIL, OR TAKING THE 
WRONG MEDICINE. 

Air — Stop dat kicking. 

Haste ! doctor, haste ! to save my son, 

Or he must quickly die; 

A horse in fright has caused a stun 
That made his mammy cry. 

With head and tail raised in the air 
■ We start to see the splutter; 

But ’fore we safely landed there 
We found we ’d lost the butter. 

Ole Paddy. 

After taking a good meal of venison this morning, ? 
am again prepared to proceed with my history ; and let 
me here state that I will not pretend to give a full history 
of my life ; it would require a much larger volume than 
you have patience to read, or I have time to write. 1 
only give you an account of incidents as I can now re- 
collect them. I write entirely from memory, and give 
such as I think will amuse and instruct. At no very 
remote period, should this little volume meet with public 
favor, I expect to prepare another that will, I trust, be 
equally if not more edifying than the present one. 1 
recollect many scenes, that 1 have no doubt would prove 
highly amusing, that occurred during the remainder ot 


OF AN ARXANSAW DOCTOR. 


85 


my studies, but I will pass them all by until we arrive 
near the close of my studies in the office of my preceptor. 
This will be a short account of the first case that 1 was 
bold enough to take the responsibility of mounting my 
steed and throwing across his back a pair of saddle-bags; 
not a regular pair of physicians’ saddle-bags, but a pair 
of ordinary saddle-bags that would hold near half a 
bushel. One day about ten o’clock, a man came riding 
into the village like streaks of blue lightning were after 
him, without shoes or coat, and a rope bridle, without any 
saddle or blanket, bawling at the top of his head — 

“ Doctor, doctor, run here, my son will die ! for God’s 
sake run here ! ” 

Ever and anon I was on the look in for a chance to do 
some good for my friends and particular acquaintances, 
especially in that part of our country, through my neigh- 
borhood and section. He rode up to the office and called 
out for the old doctor. I told him he was not at home. 
He then asked if there was any other doctor in the place. 
I told him there was none at home but myself. 

“ What ! are you a doctor ?” 

“ Well, now, that ’s a nice question to ask, indeed; 
what do you think I would be doing in the office, if 1 
was n’t a doctor ? ” 

“Well,” said he, “ get your horse as soon as possible, 
or sooner, if possible, for my son is very bad.” 

I asked him what was the matter; he told me his son 
had been badly hurt by a fall from his horse. I told him 
to get down and wait a few moments, and I would be 
ready. He did so, and I had my horse ready in a short 
time, but then 1 was in a fix to know how to carry some 
medicines with me. I was well aware, that unless I took 


86 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


some few medicines along I would not make a good im- 
pression. I happened to look under the counter and saw 
a pair of saddle-bags, such as persons in the country are 
in the habit of taking along when they travel. I did not 
want to let the old fellow see me fixing up, lest he should 
smell a rat, or some assafoetida. I asked him to walk in 
the back room, if he pleased, until I was ready. He did 
so, and then I commenced filling up. I scarcely know 
now what I did n’t put in, but among others, I recollect 
the following : — Calomel, lft>; jalap, Hb ; ipecac (jar), 
8 oz ; croton oil, 1 bottle ; salts, 2 pounds ; 2 big gimlets ; 
1 large carving knife ; 4 yds of canvas for bandages ; 1 
paper pins; lib mustard; 6 cupping glasses; 1 pr. tooth- 
pullers ; 1 pint (bottle) aqua ammonia ; 2 yds adhesive 
plaster, and many other articles too tedious to mention, 
making in all enough to fill both ends of the saddle bags. 

“ Halloo, my old friend, all ready now, let us be off.” 

He came out and looked at the saddle-bags mighty 
hard for a little while, but said nothing. Fearing he 
might be displeased with my appearance, as a doctor, I 
remarked to him that he must excuse me for carrying 
such a large pair of saddle-bags, it was all for the good 
of my patients. Says I, “ Sir, I am not like most of your 
proud fops of doctors, who take a little pair of bags about 
large enough to hold a half dozen two-ounce vials, and 
when they get to their patients, have to send back home 
for medicines, and while they are about it their patients 
might die. I take medicine enough to do some good, 
and I am not too proud to carry a large pair.” 

Oh, Mol ! what an impression that made on him ; you 
could see the in-tent-a-sham on his skin. The large 
quantities of medicine that I put in was not so much a 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


87 


matter of choice as necessity. I had no time to tarry for 
etiquette then . All things looking favorable, we started; 
yes, we started to get there in a minute. We put our 
horses out at their level best, and, as I had rather the 
best one of the two, I kept before. I could see persons 
looking at me as I went on, as though they could not be- 
lieve it was me. The old man lived five or six miles off, 
and before we reached there our horses as well as our- 
selves were hauling in sail. We were riding along talk- 
ing very busily, and I suppose the old man thought, very 
learnedly, when my horse began to sidle to the left like 
a steamboat going to land stern foremost. He switched 
his tail, he humped his back, he snorted, he kicked, he 
reared up, and cut more shines than a snapping- turtle on 
hot iron. 

“ What is the matter ?” says the old man, “ is there 
yellow-jackets about?” 

We commenced looking as well as we could, but found 
no cause for such unqualified objections to my situation 
on his dorsal ridge. He got worse and worse, and soon 
at that point where a man had better stay on than get off. 
Not knowing what else to do he broke like he was scared 
to death for the woods. He went rolling equal to wild- 
fire over logs, rocks, bushes, briers, and such other things 
as came in his way. He did not keep up his efforts long 
until he walloped me as slick as soap on the ground. I 
soon found out what the poor animal was making all this 
complaint about, for in my fall the saddle-bags were 
thrown all in a lump on me, striking about fifteen inches 
above my knees, and me flat on my face. I felt a little 
of the awfulest, warmest, keenest, hottest, gnawin’est, 

burnin’est, peculiarest, unpleasantest sensation that evei 
F 


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LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


crawled over a man’s “glutei” in Christendom. I put 
my hand round to see if I was on fire, and the same 
action was set up on my manual extremity. By this 
time the old man came up. 1 asked him to look at the 
saddle-bags and see if any of the medicine had leaked 
out. He turned them over, and if they was n’t as black 
as my hat, you may swallow me. What could be in 
the saddle-bags of such a corrosive nature ? He com- 
menced, and the first bottle he took out was labeled 
Aqua Forlis, instead of Aqiui Ammonia , as I took it to be 
in my haste at the office. The aqua fortis bottle had 
lost its stopper out, and it leaked out through the leather 
on the horse’s back. I told the old man to get me some 
water, if possible. There was a spring near by, and 
he went and brought me his hat full, as this was all he 
had to bring it in. I washed off my horse the best I 
could, and did not forget myself either. Having fixed 
up all things, we again set out to see the sick patient. 
We arrived there very soon, and found the young 
man lying on a bed in a state of stupefaction, with 
the following symptoms : laborious breathing, eyes 
closed, pulse full and heavy, and, the old woman sitting 
in the chimney-corner crying like she was fond of it. 1 
went to the bed, took him by the hand and tried to rouse 
him. It was all no go, he only “ uh-ha-hi-oc ” — and 
that was the amount of information I could get about 
his case. I fumbled round him for awhile, doctor like, 
and told the family that I hoped I could restore him in 
an hour or two. I went to the saddle-bags to see if 
something useful would not present itself. 

“ Potato pies, brickbats, and old shoes ! if ever you saw 
such a muss, you may larap me two hours with a cow’s 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


89 


tail.” I pulled out, and pulled out, until I had got near 
every thing in them on the floor, and not a piece of med- 
icine as big as a hickory-nut of one kind could be found 
without being mixed with another, except the vial of 
croton oil. This was my only resource, and it was the 
very thing, I thought, for I recollected of reading that it 
was used in concussion and compression of the brain. 
I uncorked it, poured out half a teaspoonful, got some 
molasses, mixed well together , and poured it into the pa- 
tient’s mouth as he lay on his back. As it happened, 
his throat opened a little, and down it went. I told the 
old man it would operate, I thought, in an hour or two ; 
sat down, and commenced thinking over the case and 
the medicine. I did not think long until I thought I 
had given him a deadly dose, for, instead of half a tea- 
spoonful being a dose, from one to two drops was sufli 
cient, and an old saying was, it always killed or cured. 

Father of big rabbits, and door-sill of Bell Towers ! 
what must I do ? I kept thinking on the affair, and 
noticing the patient for half an hour, when I was awak- 
ened to a sense of do something, by this potent drug 
displaying its effects on the young man’s sen-for-sum- 
cum-under-me, (sensorium commune.) He raised up and 
made out of that house as fast as if forty panthers were 
after him. As regards the effects of the medicine, you 
may have your own way of thinking. Suffice it to say, 
that the matter of the young man’s being thrown from 
his horse was all a hoax, for there was nothing the mat- 
ter with him, only “ he was drunk.” I never let the 
old man know any better than the notion he entertained 
of his son’s getting thrown from his horse, and in doing 
Jhat I secured his good feeling; and Joe, the young man 


90 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


told me if I would say nothing about it, he would sign 
the temperance pledge. I agreed to it. The old man 
still thinks I worked wonders in a short time, and is one 
of my warmest friends. Joe is now a son of temper- 
ance and has a wife and seven children. 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


91 


CHAPTER XI. 

THREE SCRAPES IN ONE NIGHT. 

Air — Could I mend my leg again . 

Here we have facts in multiplicity, 

From greatest sorrow to felicity, 

And each in turn has been the lot 
(Whether they’ve told it yet or not), 

Of all of Adam’s fallen race, 

Since he from shame did hide his face. 

Now, if any of you want to grumble, 

Come down and we will have a tumble. 

Bandy Shanks. 

I should like very much to tell you of some other 
scrapes that I had while I was with my preceptor, but I 
have now taken up as much space in that, as the limits 
of the present volume will admit. I must therefore 
pass over many things that would be interesting, to allow 
me more room to describe my adventures after becoming 
a practitioner in the backwoods of Arkansas. I had 
been studying two years, and now it was time for me to 
attend my first course of lectures. I bade adieu to all 
my old associates, parents, brothers, sisters, and friends, 
and left for one of the cities in the Western States, to 
complete my medical education. After all the toil and 
difficulties attendant on traveling in the States where in- 
ternal improvements are limited, I arrived at my place 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


92 

of destination. I felt very green when I got to the city, 
and paid dear enough to learn a little of the city ways. 
I stopped for a day or two at the hotel, until I could 
find a private boarding house. After getting quiet at 
the hotel, my next business was to find the Medical Col- 
lege. I found no difficulty in doing this ; went in, and 
there I saw a list of boarding houses as long as the mo- 
ral laws. I struck out, and after many long talks with 
the landladies about good board, high rents, dear provi- 
sions, coal hard to get, wearing out carpets, good atten- 
tion if you get sick, comforts of a home, what church 
do you belong to? that’s the one I attend ; my boarders 
never leave me ; I thought I would take a few this winter 
for company ; my daughters play well on the piano ; nice 
beds; I think I would like you; nice looking gentle- 
man ; widow woman ; hard time to get along; just about 
pay expenses, &c. &c. I procured a situation that 1 
thought I should like, and moved to it. There were five 
other students boarding in the same house. The old 
lady was very attentive at first, indeed; kept a good 
table, and every thing went on well. We had been there 
three weeks, when things began to have a different as- 
pect. The butter was old and rancid; cold biscuit; no 
meat for supper ; weak tea, with plenty of water in it ; 
bad coffee, and all those little things that are usually met 
with at boarding houses. I waited several days for some 
of the boys to say something to the lady, but they were 
from home, like myself, and concluded to grin and endure 
it; and besides this, when anything was to be done or 
said, Rattlehead was the one, and they were looking anx- 
iously at me for a start. I was getting tired of such 
treatment, and could stand it no longer. I went down 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


93 


and made sharp complaint to the landlady. She made 
many fair promises, and did improve very much on what 
it had been, and to make the affair pass off the better, 
fearing she might lose her nice single gentlemen, she 
gave us a party. Well, the night for it came on, and 
the boys talked considerable about it, and wanted to 
know if it was different from our frolics in the country. 
One of us knew about as much about it as the other, as 
all of us were from the dry diggins. “We were not in 
the habit of saying party,” in our own circles of society. 
The following conflameration in the way of a dialogue, 
took place amongst us six. I will not give any other 
than the nicknames by which each of us passed ; should 
any of them see this book, they will call to mind our old 
familiar names. They all called me Lord Byron, from 
the fact that I was fond of poetry, and occasionally 
would let a verse leak out of my cranium. 

Granser . — “See here, boys, Mrs. Palon is going to 
give us what she calls a party, to-night; what do you all 
think of it?” 

Old Cow . — “Well, I don’t exactly know whether I 
understand what she means by it ; I reckon its some new 
fashion from New York.” 

Big Hoss . — “ I will tell you all about it. I have seen 
it out in Indianny, a heap of times ; the way they do, 
they kach a big yallar cat and tie a beef’s bladder to his 
tail, and he runs most awful, till somebody jumps on the 
bladder and bursts it, and it makes a twerible noise, 
and — ” 

Pie Crust . — “ Ha ! ha ! ha ! now, Big Hoss, don’t tell 
us anything about how they do things out in Indianny 


94 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


that backwoods country and forest ; you never saw any 
thing out there like they do among civilized people.” 

Parson . — “ You all think you know what is coming 
off, but. you do n’t, and you won’t know which end is up 
when you get in the parlor with these city ladies.” 

Lord Byron . — “ Gentlemen, hold your tongues ; you 
will see one thing; I’ll do just as I do when we have a 
frolic in the country, and if anybody says a word about 
it, I’ll knock him into eternity before he can repeat it.” 

It might have continued much longer but for my timely 
interference. Night came on, and we all were reminded 
that the trying moment had come, by the sound of music 
in the parlor. I never saw such a set of fools in my life, 
as there was on that occasion ; one would start, then he’d 
come back; another swore he had palpitation of the heart; 
Parson had the headache; Old Cow was sick at the sto- 
mach ; Pie Crust had to answer a letter ; and here they 
stood like so many fools at a still-house, until I got tired 
of such faint-heartedness, and was as mad as a wet 
hen. Says I, “You low-bred, stupid beasts of burthen, 
if you don’t clear out of here and go down stairs, I’ll cut 
your medical throats. Who’s there to hurt you? a few 
young ladies with pretty faces. Wffiat harm can they 
do? If any of them laugh at one in this crowd except 
old Indianny, I’ll make their countenances hurt them as 
certain as you are all fools. As for Big Hoss, he knows 
all about it, he says ; we’ll see very soon.” I led the way ; 
they all followed, puffing and blowing like they had been 
running a foot race. We were introduced as we went in, 
and took seats ; old Indianny was the last one to get in 
and he was so much scared, he sidled off to one side of 
the room like he wanted to hide himself. I did n’t blame 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


95 


him for it, for he came down to the parlor, Hoosier fash- 
ion in his shirt sleeves. As he was making off to get 
out of the way, he ran against a table and over it went. 
There was a lamp on the table, filled with camphene; 
it fell on the floor, and I rather suppose you can tell what 
happened. It gave one little pu, and then it exploded. 
Poor Indianny was stooping to catch the table before it 
fell, but alas! too late. The pieces of glass were thrown 
in every direction. He was badly damaged ; a piece of 
glass struck him just above the left eye and made a se- 
vere wound; another piece was driven into the fleshy part 
of his shoulder. A piece struck “ Old Cow ” on the side 
of his head, and came near knocking his senses out; al- 
most every one present was injured more or less; even 
your humble servant shared his part this time, and if you 
ever come through my neighborhood, please to stop, and 
I’ll show you on my left hand the marks of that night’s 
fun. Old Indianny was badly burned, besides his other 
injuries. The lamp was not so large but that it might 
have been larger, and if it had, it would have put a stop 
to some of our breathing. There was a blaze of fire as 
big as an elephant in a minute, and before it could be 
extinguished the carpet was a gone case. The fire being 
out, Indianny was to be attended to. We soon had him 
dressed and comfortable in bed. All persons belonging 
to the party remained until the fire was out and things 
quiet. The landlady made a considerable squall for a 
little while; but finding that did no good, she concluded 
to say nothing more about it, and proposed that the dance 
go on. All hands were in for it, and, the back parlor 
being arranged, we were all ready. A young lady seated 


90 


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herself at the piano and commenced. The old lady 
cried out, “ Partners, gentlemen.” 

I tell you I felt sort of down in the mouth, because I 
had never danced a lick in all my life. Somehow, or 
somehow else, they could not get enough to start a set 
unless I would come in. Old Cow, Granser, and Pie 
Crust could all dance a little, but 1 never had attempted 
it. I did not want to go out there to show my ignorance in 
a crowd, and still I wanted to dance. I knew that I was 
in a bad fix with my hand badly cut, to dance, even if I 
knew how, and I recollected I had went at so many things 
that I knew nothing about, and paid so dearly for it, that 
1 feared to attempt dancing, not knowing what accident 
might happen. They were all trying to get me out, any- 
how, and said they only wanted me to go through the 
figures to make out the set. I concluded that they would 
overlook any awkwardness I might display, and finally 
agreed to try it. I was introduced to a beautiful young 
lady ; begged the pleasure of dancing with her ; she 
agreed : more, I supposed, to see some fun out of me 
than any thing else. # After we were on the floor I told 
her .that 1 had never danced, and hoped she would bear 
with me through the set. She said she would make 
every allowance. It came to our time to go through, 
and I did make out to walk the rounds, and that was all. 
My partner praised me very much, and said I did much 
better than she could expect for the first time. That set 
being through, I felt much relieved, but still I had to come 
on the floor every set, now, as I had commenced. I did 
improve a little, I believe myself, but not as much as I 
then thought, and as you will think before the scene 
closes. Look out now what I tell you. We went on 






* 






■ 

■ 

• ' ■'* V ", . - . - ( 

' 




“ The others coming ’round stumbled over us 
•we were in a confused pile on the floor .”— Page 97. 


until 






OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


97 


until the third or fourth set, and I thought I was “ some 
pumpkins” at dancing. The gentleman that acted as 
director, cried out something, and we all commenced 
going round and round, holding to each other’s hands. 
I was as large as anybody, and in one of my attempts to 
show oft a little extra, I did it. As we were goinground 
I made a wrong step, and put my foundation of pedestral 
existence on the dainty little foot of the young lady that 
I was dancing with, and — ca — ge — ra — eh — whee — 
allap ! her and I came flat on the floor. She gave one 
loud scream, and that was the last opportunity she had 
to say any thing, for the others coming round, stumbled 
over us, and so on in rotation, until every one was in a 
confused pile. Such scrambling, hollowing, crying, 
bleating, laughing, twisting, and rolling over I never 
heard talk of. We all managed to get upon our feet 
again, except the young lady that was dancing with 
“ Granser.” Sne was lying on the floor when the others 
got up, screaming with all her power — 

“ My arm, my arm ! it is broke, it is broke ! ” 
Mutations of man’s happiness, and ferry-boats of future 
pleasures, what have 1 done now! another scrape — I 
thought so. The young lady was taken up and her arm 
examined. It was found to be a dislocation of the shoul- 
der joint. I felt a little of the queerest, awfulest, badest, 
and most squeamish in general ; the smallest, longest, 
awkwardest, and quadrilateral in particular, that a poor 
wretch ever did in creation. I began to think it was 
a dear party. The young lady’s arm was soon set, but 
the thought of having given pain to a dear creature like 
she was. made me feel all overish. I offered my apology 
by telling them that they had overruled my feelings in 


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the commencement; I was only dancing to oblige them; 
at the same time remarking that no man could feel a 
more heartfelt sorrow for the young lady than myself; 
and as a proof of my sympathy, the doctor’s bill should 
cost her nothing (I set the arm myself, I did, first thing I 
thought of.) The excitement gradually wore off, and we 
were about to break up, when the subject of aether was 
named by some one present. They had all heard of the 
wonderful effects of this medicine when taken by different 
individuals, how it showed the disposition of any person, 
and how strange they acted. They tried every student 
in the house to get them to take it, except myself, but 
they declined, as they had never used it. The young 
lady that had been so unfortunate as to have her shoulder 
dislocated by my awkwardness, remarked to me in the 
sweetest tones possible, that if I would take the aether 
she would forgive me for all past offenses, and smile on 
me in future. I could not stand such a banter. I said 
to the young men (the students) that if I took the med- 
icine they must pay for any damage that might result 
from it. “ Certainly,” said they. 

I took this precaution, because I had heard so much of 
what persons would do while under its influence, and also 
because I never went at any thing in my life but some 
accident occurred. I had come near killing several per- 
sons in my life, and I was getting cautious. I did n’t 
know what influence the aether would have on me, as 1 
had never taken it. Some of the precious liquid was pro- 
cured, and all things being ready, I sat down to inhale 
it. I took it gradually, and well do I remember yet how 
1 felt. I felt some of the biggest sensations that ever 
crawled ovei my mortal frame : it seemed as though 1 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


99 


could tear down houses, pull up trees, and lick an ele- 
phant. My ears trembled like an earthquake, and slowly 
the sound increased as the anaesthetic agent was taken 
into my system ; bu — eh — bu — eh — bu — eh — bu — ah ! 
and I was gone, insensible to all the outward world, and 
surrounding objects in general. How long I was in this 
situation I can not tell, but when 1 had a return of con- 
sciousness, I know one thing: 1 had a gash two inches 
long on the back of my head, and bleeding like a hog, 
and still more I remember, everybody had left the room 
in a fright, the old lady hollowing “ help! help!” the 
piano turned heels upward, knocked into twenty pieces 
and “Old Cow” with his foot mashed as flat as a pan- 
cake. 

Gentlemen, you remember I have told you there never 
was a man that got into as many scrapes as 1 have in 
life. Only think of it, — two accidents in one night, 
besides what old Indianny did for a beginning. Old 
Cow and myself having been dressed, it was moved 
and seconded, that we adjourn sine die. I laid it on 
the boys in the way of damages, do n’t you think I did ? 
Nothing more at present, only remain, mine and yours 
together, when we get there. 


100 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


CHAPTER XII. 

t\ THUNDER STORM, AND A NIGHT IN THE WOODS. 

Air — Bull-frog's meditation. 

Farewell, old building, I leave you now 
To steer my course alone — 

You go to the frog-pond 
And I ’ll mind my business — 

The lightnings flash, the thunders roar 
As they were never heard before — 

Musquitoes, wolves, and panthers, 

Watch how you make your banters. 

Dick Hamestring. 

Well, now, I have got. through some other difficulties, 
temptations and trials. What will be next? We all 
recovered from the injuries received on the eventful, 
night of the “ party.” The young men were as good 
as their word : they paid the damage done to the piano, 
and therefore the landlady could say nothing to me 
about it. The lady did not keep her good table long, 
and finding that we could not have such things as we 
wanted without very great trouble, we concluded to 
move, and did so. After moving, we had no cause to 
complain, as- we had a fine boarding house. 

There were many things that occurred during my stay 
in that city that I would delight in giving you an ac- 
count of, but I find I can not do so without crowding 


OF AN ARK ANSA W DOCTOR. 


101 


out things that relate more especially to the hairbreadth 
escapes, sore trials, and professional sprinklings I have 
been heir to, in the wild state that I have been living in 
for some length of time. I spent a very pleasant and 
profitable winter in the city, had many ups and downs, 
became quite learned, felt thankful to the professors for 
their many kind words of instruction, and thus ended 
my first course of lectures. 

You see I have had to pass over many things that oc- 
curred during the winter. I attended the lectures closely 
and made as many improvements, I venture to say, as 
any student in college. The last bell being rung by the 
janitor for the coming together of medical students, the 
last lecture delivered, the farewell of each professor pro- 
nounced, I took my last look of the dear old building, in 
which I had been advanced in the healing art. Though 
I was glad to return to the place of my boyhood and 
youth, though my heart was thrilled with tender emo- 
tions when I thought of meeting my aged mother again, 
and though I had often been wearied by the close at- 
tendance daily for several months, still I could not help 
shedding a tear when I left the old college. I thought 
my future success in life depended on the knowledge 
and instruction I had gained while 1 had been an in- 
mate of its walls ; it was to be my sheet-anchor in time 
of trouble, my standard for reference when sore trials 
should await me ; but farewell ! old halls of science, 
farewell! 1 now must stand on my own merits; no 
longer under thy protection. I went on board a steamer, 
and soon was wending my way down the beautiful 
stream, and in a few days was safe at that same old 
dwelling. I found that a few short months had wrought 
9 


102 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


many important changes. Many of my lady acquain 
tances had changed their place of residence as well as 
their names. Many of my old friends had left the stage 
of action, and, still worse than all these changes, my 
preceptor had changed in his feelings toward me, or he 
had always been deceiving me. Previous to my de- 
parture to attend the lectures, he had told me that on my 
return he would take me in as a partner in practice. 
After visiting many of my relatives and friends, and en- 
joying myself in their society, I went to see my old pre- 
ceptor, to have a talk with him about the future pros- 
pects of practice. Great was my disappointment to 
hear him say nothing about it. I began to fear that 
something was wrong, and was determined to know 
what it was, or have one of the biggest rows that I had 
ever been in yet. After waiting a short time to see if 
he would not name the thing, I threw off all scruples 
about nice feelings, and named it myself. Says I, 
“ Doctor, I have been absent for several months en- 
deavoring to prepare myself for practice ; what have 
you to say about your proposal last fall ?” 

“ Well — well — I — I — oh — there is not much practice 
doing ; I do n’t much think there is enough doing to sup- 
port us both. 1 would like it very well if I thought you 
could do well by it, but — but do n’t think you can. 1 
think some place where the profession is not crowded 
would be better for a young physician commencing 
practice. If I was you I would ” 

“ You go to the wall with your wood and advice too, 
and I will go to the backwoods of Arkansaw, or some 
other hot climate, to find more sympathy and sense of 
honor than I have found in you.” 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR 


103 


And so saying, I picked up my hat and toddled out, 
and that was the last 1 ever saw of him, and hope I may 
never see him again, he acted so much like a low-bred, 
heartless dog. He gave no reason for his change of mind 
more than I have stated, but before I left the neighborhood 
I found out the reason why the old scoundrel changed his 
notion: he had another young man a student in the office, 
that was in better circumstances than I was, as regards 
property, but no better as to principle ; for though I am a 
practitioner of medicine in the part of our great country 
that is yet almost uncivilized when compared with other 
portions, although this seclusion may be my lot for life, 
and though this little volume may be all the name I shall 
leave to posterity, I flatter myself that a nobler heart 
never beat in human breast than mine. Yes, my dear 
reader, 1 am now far from the scenes that then surround- 
ed me ; the place of my youthful associations is now 
lost to sight, perhaps never again to be seen by me, and I 
am in a land of strangers, where no kindred spirits can 
commune with mine. I have never beheld a face since 
I have been here that I laid eyes on before ; but yet I 
think I have warm hearts here that feel for me ; they 
appreciate my services, and look on me as a friend when 
scorched with fever, or racked with pain. They shall 
not be deceived. 1 am with you still, to help when over- 
taken by the hand of affliction ; in me you shall find all 
that you have found up to the present moment, and I 
feel that you will not forsake me when the vile slanderer 
assails me in my absence. Well, it is useless to think 
any thing more about it now ; it ’s past and can ’the re- 
called, and I would not recall the moments if 1 could, 
am happy and contented in my present situation in 
G* 


104 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


life, though humble it may be, and that is more than 
many can say that are in better circumstances, and revel- 
ing in the crowded city. I returned from my old pre- 
ceptor, to my parental roof, and told my relatives of the 
change in my prospects, and remarked to them at the 
same time that a few more days and I must leave them, 
perhaps never to meet them again. 

Ah ! reader, have you ever parted with relatives and 
friends, with the expectation that you should never meet 
them again? have you taken the affectionate mother by 
the hand and said to her, Farewell ! mother, I may never 
see you again ; I must leave you to seek my destiny in 
another land. If you have passed through such a scene, 
you can form some idea of my feelings at that moment. 
It was hard to leave them, but it could not be helped. In 
a few short days I was ready to go, I did not know where, 
but go I must, to try my luck on my own responsibility. 
I told my relatives I did not know where I should stop. 
I had as fine a horse for the trip as ever kicked, and now, 
every thing being ready, I took the parting hand once 
more. It seemed to me, that I was never again to be- 
hold one of those that were so near and dear to me. It 
has thus far proved true; I have never seen one of them 
since. Some I never can see again, as they have long 
since passed from time to eternity. But now to my 
journey. 

I started once more on the lonesome road. I traveled 
day after day until I arrived on the bank of the Mississippi 
river, in the southwestern part of Tennessee. Here 1 
stopped for a day or two, studying whether to go to 
Mississippi or Arkansas. After thinking over the mattei 
in every possible way, I concluded to go through Missis- 


OF AN ARK ANSA W DOCTOR. 


105 


\ i, and if I did not find a situation to suit me I would 
go on to Arkansas. I started early one morning and 
traveled until near night without stopping to rest more 
than a few moments at a time. I made good headway 
that day, but my horse, poor animal, was near tired down, 
as well as myself. I stopped at a house and asked if 1 
could stay all night. The gentleman told me that I could. 

I got down, went in, and very soon found that I was per- 
fectly at home. The old gentleman was very loquacious, 
communicative, and inquisitive. After supper I proposed 
to him that we go and see after my horse. He readily 
agreed. We went out, and, after seeing my horse, he 
remarked what a fine animal he was. “ Yes, my oc- 
cupation in life requires a horse that can stand the 
rubs.” 

“Pray, sir, what is that occupation, if I may be so 
inquisitive ? ” 

“ Certainly, sir, I like to see a man take interest enough 
in me to ask questions when he feels like it; I am a phy- 
sician.” 

“ Ah ! indeed, you do require a good horse for that, if 
you intend to practice in the South. You will find many' 
bad roads, bayous, bushes, and every thing calculated to 
wear out man and horse. Where do you think of going 
to — some place in view I s’pose?” 

“ No, sir, God only knows where I will get to ; I do 
not know a place on earth where I can find a practice; 
wish that I did. I have been studying a long time, spent 
most ’of my means, and I am just now from College. I 
have seen some practice, and think I could do well if I 
had any chance. Very discouraging, my friend, to a young 
man in my situation.” 


106 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


My history seemed to awaken some feelings of sym 
pathy in the old gentleman, and he said to me : 

“ My young friend, l think I can tell you of a situa- 
tion where you can do well ; your friendly and kind 
disposition will secure you the good feelings of any com- 
munity in which you may locate; I don’t know whether 
you would like it or not ; your practice would be a 
laborious one ; you will be deprived of such refinements 
in society as you have, no doubt, been used to.” 

“ It matters not, sir, about the labor or the refinements ; 
anything for a year or two, until 1 get a start.” 

“ Well sir, it is on Raccoon Bayou, Arkansaw ; I have a 
friend living there, that writes me they need a doctor 
very much in his neighborhood ; there is none nearer than 
twenty miles, and he has n’t sense enough to get out of 
a shower of rain in dry weather. Come, let’s go up to 
the house ; I’ll read you the letter.” 

We went in, he got the letter and read it, and it was as 
flattering as he had represented, as you will see by its 
perusal. I have the letter now in my possession : the 
old gentleman handed it to me that night, and I never 
returned it, as I wanted to show the writer of it that J 
had documents to show that a doctor could be sustained 
in his neighborhood. Here is the letter : 

“ Racune Bio Arkunsau, Ap'l 3 rd. 

“ Deer sur : 

“ I taak and uppertuite to ryte yue agin. I hav bin 
inity sik cence you hurd from mee las. I hav bin grate- 
ly infortunite indead. I hav had thee Agger an feevoi 
fur threa weaks, I am sum beetur now seence I yousid 
thee doog-would biiters. I dount no whatt we will do 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


107 


inn ower cection iff a doktur dount seetel heare. We 
hav nun neerear then tad-pole slue an thatt are twente 
myle. Sallye gott hur legg broak thee uther daa an eye 
seent fur doktur Cadely. Thee legg wass soe badd 
wheen hee goot tu hur hee sayed itt muss bee saud off. 
He comenced wythe hiss insurments an bi jolley the fus 
thing eye nowed hee hadd oft thee legg an thee rong 
one att thatt. Wheen hee had it drest eye lucked at itt 
an eye were so madd eye coomenced on hymn an beat 
himn intu flynders. Thee legg which were broked gott 
wel without anny trubble. Now iff yue coud send us a 
doktur inn our naburhud weed bee mouch ablige, wee 
kan giv hymn plenty off practyc, he shall not suffur if 
he wil stay heare — eye looke fur a leetur from you inn 
dew time, and hoap yue will senn uss a doktur, our luv 
an komplimets to awl, 

“ Youer frend and wel wishur &c., 

JOHN HANLY.” 

You may believe that I am exaggerating; but if any 
man doubts it and will call on me, I will show him the 
original letter in Mr. Hanly’s own handwriting. 1 
must confess that a letter written in the style it was, 
did not seem very inviting, but this was all the place 
that had been offered me. The old gentleman re- 
marked that Mr. Hanly was a bad scholar, but a better 
hearted man never lived, and what he said could be 
depended on. He said that none but “ Quacks ” had 
ever been in that part of the State, and if I was from 
college I would do all the practice in the country. Let 
me say, while I think of it, that as regarded Sally’s leg 
being cut off (the wrong one at that), was all a piece of 


108 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


fun of Mr Hanly’s ; the other part of the letter was 
true. We talked about the matter until bedtime, and 
when I was going to bed, the old man told me to sleep 
on it until morning. I retired, and though greatly ex 
hausted by my hard day’s ride, I could not sleep for some 
time. I got up next morning and told the old gentleman 
if he would give me an introductory letter to his friend, 
I would go and see the situation. He did so, and still 
further as a proof of his interest in my welfare, he would 
not charge me anything for staying all night. He gave 
me directions how to go, and I shuddered almost as he 
was doing so, for I would have to go through the Missis- 
sippi bottom, cross the river, and then encounter other 
things equally as desirable on the Arkansaw side. I 
thanked the old gentleman a thousand times for his 
kindness, bade him good morning, and started on my 
journey. 

I had three or four days more traveling before reach- 
mg my intended location. I arrived at the edge of the 
Mississippi bottom about 12 o’clock on the first day after 
leavfng my old friend. Never have I had such feelings 
about what I would now call a small affair. When 1 ar- 
rived at the edge of the bluff, my horse looked down on 
the valley below as if he feared to venture in ; I did not 
feel much better. I got down, stripped my horse, and 
rested myself for awhile. The road that led through 
the swamps was nothing but a path, or, I suppose persons 
accustomed to traveling in the bottom would call it a 
wagon road. Persons were in the habit of driving 
vehicles of different kinds along the road when the watei 
was low in the river in the summer season. They had not 
however, commenced yet, as the water was not dried 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


109 


i.pin the bayous, sloughs, &c., sufficiently to justify them 
in going through. I feared that I should lose my way, 
and then I knew I was a gone sucker. But the task 
was before me, and I must decide. I was the first, I 
supposed, that had attempted to go through that spring. 
Well, I could never stand the thought of turning back; 
other persons had once gone through, why should I fal- 
ter? I got ready and turned my horse down the way 
the path seemed to go; he went a few steps and stopped, 
then looked round at me, as much as to say, I do n’t 
want to go. Poor horse, I could not blame you ; it was 
a dismal sight. Seeing that I would not accept of any 
apology from him, he went on. In a few minutes I was 
buried in the depths of a dense forest, bushes, briers, canes, 
thorns, sloughs, lagoons, and cypress knees. I looked 
round to see the bluff once more ; ’t was lost to view, 
I could n’t see twenty steps. I had no other way now to 
look but onward ; I knew that I did not have more than 
time to reach the first house by night ; if I was left in 
the woods to spend the night, I was surrounded by bears, 
wolves, wildcats, panthers, snakes, and every thing else 
that could destroy both man and horse. I w r ent as fast 
as the condition of the road would permit, which w r as 
not very fast. I had been in the bottom for two or three 
hours, and considered that I was getting on finely, when 
a shock passed through my system by the sound of dis- 
tant thunder. In a moment I recollected all the accounts 
I had read of tornadoes in the Mississippi valley ; the 
tornado at Natchez, a-t Granada, and other places; they 
in all their horrid colors w r ere at once before me. I 
still traveled on, as turning back would be as bad as 
going on. Louder and louder the thunder ; nearer and 


110 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


nearer the clouds approached, and brighter still the 
lightning’s flash. I found I had better get under the 
branches of the largest tree I could find : I looked around 
and saw a large oak: I rode out to it, got down, stripped 
my horse, laid down my saddle-bags, and covered them 
with my saddle to keep them dry. 1 had a large blue 
blanket with a hole cut in the middle, and an umbrella. 
Having put on the blanket and spread the umbrella, I 
was prepared to weather the approaching storm as well 
as circumstances would admit. 

The sky is darkened, the angry cloud is lowering o’er 
me, and it breaks with a deluge of water. I could tell 
from the way my horse acted that it was going to be a 
dreadful gale. The poor creature, as if looking to me 
for help, stooped his head, put it under the umbrella, 
near my side, trembled, moaned, and looked anxiously 
at me. In a few moments his worst fears were realized; 
and let me say here for the benefit of those of my read- 
ers that are not already aware of the fact, that when you 
are traveling on horseback and a storm rises, you may 
tell from the actions of your horse if it is going to be a 
bad storm. Should he moan, tremble, and stand close 
to you, you may look out for a hard time. It is perfectly 
useless for me, an old dried-up backwoodsman, to at- 
tempt a description of that storm: the rain fell in torrents 
the trees were felled to the earth, and the ground oi 
which I stood trembled like an earthquake was at hand 
It continued unabated until nearly dark. Oh, horribb 
thought ! in the middle of the Mississippi bottom ; not i 
house or place of security nearer than ten miles; overtaker 
by night without any thing for myself or horse to eat, and 
at the mercy of the wild beasts of this dark and benighted 


OF AN ARK A NS AW DOCTOR. 


Ill 


wood. It was very evident I could not get to any house 
that night : for even if the road was such that I could 
find it without any trouble, I would run the risk of being 
eat up by some wild animal. I concluded I had as well 
take lodgings for the night near the large oak. I found 
a place to put my saddle and saddle-bags, in a bending 
tree near by. I tied my horse where he could eat green 
jane and bushes, and now for a place for my own carcass. 
I had with me a large knife and revolver; these afforded 
me a little protection. I looked for a tree that I could 
get into ; and after looking a short time, I found one with 
a large fork. I managed to get into it, having previously 
put my blanket up by means of a pole. Notwithstand- 
ing my situation was not the most desirable, I felt thank- 
ful that I had been so fortunate as to get where I was. 

Well, here I am, and won’t it be the longest night 
that ever enveloped human nature in darkness. It was 
just the commencement of musquito time, and I did not 
have any cause for grumbling for the want of kin-folks : 
they all called me Ku-Zene (cousin), and though they 
were warned every few moments to stick no bills , they 
pitched into me like pouring suds down a sink. Besides 
these friendly “ gnawers,” I had some others gnawing 
at me; for instance, a gnawing appetite, a gnawing con- 
science, and, worse than all these gnawings, three large 
hungry, gaunt-gutted, slab-sided, lopper-jawed, black- 
eyed, long-tailed wolves came up, gave a few loud howls, 
and commenced gnawing at the root of the tree in which 
I was located. Can it be that they can gnaw down a 
tree before morning? They had not been howling long 
until they raised as many more of their infamous tribe ; 
and they all setup the most horrible noise that ever fell on 


112 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


my ear. The clouds had now cleared away, and it was 
a beautiful moonlight night. I felt bad enough with 
those wolves gnawing at the foundation of my security; 
but this was small compared with what my feelings were 
when I heard a loud’ piercing scream proceeding from 
what I thought were the lungs of a panther, and my 
diagnosis turned out right, for in a short time two or three 
of the largest, I suppose, that ever made a track in the 
Mississippi swamp made their appearance. 

Farewell to marble halls and two big frogs for sup- 
per — what a fix 1 am come to. 

Was it possible, after all my misfortunes in life, my 
dangers, my escapes, that I must become food for wild 
beasts — my friends never to know where, when, or how 
I died. I was in a quandar} 7 what to do — I was thinking 
whether I would do something or do nothing, or not do 
something or nothing — in fact I thought the prognosis 
decidedly grave. The wolves and panthers setup a most 
terrible yelling as there I sat in the fork of the tree with my 
big knife in one hand and revolver in the other. During 
their yelling and howling my horse broke loose and run 
off. This was making things no better fast, as I would 
be left in almost as bad a situation next morning, if l 
should live, without a horse, as I was then surrounded by 
such desirable friends, such good friends that they would 
eat my flesh if they could get it. In this truly unplea- 
sant situation I passed the night, expecting every moment 
that the panthers would climb after me. If jever I was 
glad to see the dawn of morning it was then . I had been 
looking forward to that time with the hope that the wolves 
and panthers would leave me ; that my nurses that had 
watched under me through the night would now seek 


















; 
















































































1 drew a bead on an old wolf, and let him haY6 It 
just behind the left fore leg; he gave one short breath, 
and it was the last act of his life .— Page 113 . 



OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


113 


some rest for themselves ; but not so, they said ; though 
they were tired and wanted sleep, they were unwilling to 
leave me while my situation was so dangerous. It seem- 
ed ungrateful to wound their feelings, after setting up with 
me all night, but I was compelled to do so to get some 
ease myself — not such an easy thing to sit all night in 
the fork of a tree. I was only fifteen or twenty feet from 
the ground, and when it was light enough I concluded to 
treat them to something for their trouble. I drew a bead 
on an old wolf, and let him have it just behind the left 
fore leg; he gave one short breath, and it was the last act 
of his life. This unexpected news alarmed the whole 
crowd, and off they all started like a cannonading had 
been let loose on them. This was the last of them, and 
I felt greatly relieved, as you may imagine, to get on the 
earth once more. 

The first thing after I got down was to see to my saddle 
and saddle-bags, and to look for my horse. I found all 
things right except my horse. Now what was I to do? 
I could not wag out all my traveling utensils; did not 
know whether I could get out myself or not. I com- 
menced looking round and calling him, and, true to his 
master, my good animal came out from a thick patch 
of bushes and cane where he had been secreted eating. 
I felt like doing something then, I did. 1 soon had all 
things ready again, and after that found but little diffi- 
culty in getting through the bottom, except occasionally 
a bayou to swim. In three days more I arrived at Rac- 
coon Bayou, Arkansas, safe and sound. I delivered my 
introductory letter to Mr. Hanly, and though a poor 
scholar as regards spelling, he was very kind and gen- 
tlemanly in his deportment. He told me he thought his 


114 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


neighborhood was a fine location for a young man aw 1 
was, said he would do all he could for me, and that he 
had a great influence ; know every man in twenty miles 
square, and would board me and my horse for nothing, 
only if any of his family got sick I must cure them — 
the country was thinly settled, people scarce, and none 
to spare. Seeing that I had went so far, and being 
about out of the needful, I finally agreed to stay ; and 
now commences a little of something else, as I have 
come to the incidents of my life that have occurred 
while I was an “ Arkansaw Doctor.” 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


115 


CHAPTER XIII. 

MAKING A HOLE IN THE WRONG PLACE. 

Air — Cornstalk fiddle and de shoe-string bow. 

If you will listen, I ’ll relate 
A truth that ’s worth your reading: 

A negro in haste came to my gate 
Saying, a doctor now is needin’. 

I quickly went to see the case, 

And thought I ’d make a quarter: 

How dear it was my time to waste, 

In drawing off the water. 

Boot-blacker. 

After much difficulty I managed to procure me a 
supply of medicines for my office, and every thing being 
prepared, I was ready to commence “pilling it.” I felt 
the weight of responsibility : I was situated where I could 
not have the advantage of consultation in a tight place. 
T knew but little about the healing art, compared with 
my older brothers in the profession, and was yet young, 
and knew but little of the usages of the sick room ; but 
consoled myself in this respect, by thinking there were 
no usages in them parts only rough usage. Notwith- 
standing all this, I was determined to do the best I could, 
an I that was all any man could do, and rest assured that 
I will give a plain and comprehensive description of cases 
as they occurred ; not picking the cases that might suit 


116 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


my own taste ; that is, not telling you of cases I 
cured, and leaving those that did not do well for my own 
reflection ; the good and bad luck will all alike come 
before you. I am not going to give an account of every 
case 1 had. Far from it; that would require a large 
volume. I will give those of the most importance, the 
lucky and the unlucky. Mr. Iianly took the trouble to 
go around with me and make me known to the neighbors. 
Everybody seemed glad to think that 1 had come into the 
country to practice; they said I might depend on their 
support, let who come that might. I had been settled 
but a few days until I was put to the test of what I knew 
about medicine. I was sitting one afternoon in my office 
reading some medical book, when I* was interrupted by 
the sound of horses’ hoofs. I looked down the road and 
saw a negro on a horse, coming with all speed up to the 
office, in a few moments he was at the gate, and bawled 
out to know if there was a doctor living at that place. 
There was no other gentleman at the house but myself, 
and 1 stepped out and told him i was the doctor, and 
asked him what he wanted. Says he, 

“ Massa wants }mu to come as quick as you can to 
see a sick nigga at our house.” 

I asked him if the negro was much sick. 

“ Oh yes, massa, him’s ’mitey bad.” 

I was soon ready, and away I went on my first visit in 
Arkansaw. We had ten miles to ride before reaching the 
patient. The old negro seemed to be very much alarmed 
about getting back with the doctor in time, and rode on 
more than a hundred yards ahead of me all the time. 1 
found it useless to try to catch him, for every time that 
1 would ride faster to overtake him, he spurred the 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


117 


tighter, and kept the same distance ahead. At such a 
rate vve were not. long in reaching the place of action. 
I got down, took off my saddle-bags, threw them across 
my arm very learnedly, and went in. I found the gen- 
tleman that the negro belonged to sitting near his side, 
waiting anxiously for my arrival. When I entered the 
door he said to me, 

“ Good evening ; I s’pose you are the doctor, from the 
appearance of- ” 

“ Yes, sir, Doctor Rattlehead, at your service.” 

He did not wait long to talk about me, for he felt more 
interested about his sick negro — several hundred dollars 
gone if he died. He pointed the patient out to me, and 
related his symptoms in detail. I examined him minutely 
for a long time, drew a long breath, sweated freely, and 
found it hard to satisfy myself of the nature of his dis- 
ease. I thought of every lecture I had ever heard, every 
page I had read, and could make it out nothing but a 
case of dropsy of the abdominal cavity. The negro was 
very much swollen and suffering great pain: he was roll- 
ing and tumbling equal to a printing press, groaning like 
a dead dog on a wood-pile, and sweating faster than 
“ Doctor Thompson in a steam tub.” It was as plain as 
the nose on “ Bradbury’s” face, that something had to be 
done soon, or there would be a dead negro, as certain as 
tearing your shirt. I studied awful hard, looked very 
grave, and said but little. The old man began to look 
straight at my countenance, as much as to say what are 
you going to do? I bristled up courage enough to com- 
mence a conversation with him about the case. I told 
him I was sorry to say so, but that his negro was in a 
bad fix ; for, said I, there is an effusion of serum in his 


118 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


abdomen Not knowing what I meant by such terms, 
he asked me to explain myself. I did so, by telling him 
the negro had the dropsy of the belly, and that the wa- 
ter must be let off. He said that he did not think he 
had been sick long enough to have dropsy. 

“ It is, doubtless, sir, quite an acute attack, and some 
times fluid will be thrown out rapidly.” 

We talked about the case for some little time, but he 
eventually said it was in my hands to do with as I 
thought best. I explained to him what was necessary 
to be done, and took the precaution to say, that some- 
times it was the case, that a physician would tap a pa- 
tient, and from some cause the water would not flow out; 
such might be the case with the negro, I could not tell ; 
I would do the best, though, that could be done. I went 
to my saddle-bags, took out my instruments, and soon 
had things in readiness for making a hole in the negro’s 
dinner box. The negro was in so much pain that he did 
not notice whether I was going to spike him or put on a 
poultice. I made him get in a suitable position, and 
then for a sharp job, a hard job, a slick job, and in fact, 
one of the most jobbinest pieces of jobs that ever I 
jobbed at in all my natural life. I had a pan ready to 
receive the water that should flow out. I felt most con- 
sequently squeamish in the region of my stomach and 
lungs, but actuated from pure motives — winning a great 
name, and the old man’s good feelings, I thought it 
would not do to shrink from duty ; I therefore, with all 
the solemnity of taking a chicken from roost at midnight, 
proceeded to perform the operation. I took up the trocar 
and plunged it in, then withdrawing and leaving the 
canula through which the water was to flow. The 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. LI 9 

operation thus far was completed. I waited some little 
time for the “ moving of the waters,” but found it was no 
go ; it turned out to be a dry dropsy. 

Now for another scrape. Is it possible that I am to 
lose my first case ? If I do, the jig is up with me in these 
parts. I withdrew the instrument, and told the old man 
that it turned out very much as I had told him. He did 
not seem to think I had done any thing wrong. I also 
told him that as the external operation had failed, I 
would try internal remedies. I applied a strip of adhe- 
sive plaster over the wound, and made preparations for 
trying some other remedies. I concluded I had better 
try the effect of an emetic, to see if the negro had not 
been eating something that caused this enlarged condi- 
tion of his old bacon and corn-bread reservoir. (Why 
was it I had not thought of it before?) I mixed up a 
good dose of ipecac, and gave it to him. I also made 
him drink freely of warm water while the old man was 
out pacing the yard, wringing his hands and crying, cause 
he thought his negro was going to die. In fifteen or 
twenty minutes he commenced trembling like a horse 
with the blind-staggers, his eyes rolled up the white side, 
water commenced running from his mouth in strings as 
long as plough lines; he doubled himself up like he had 
the colic, and a-wh-ah-hic, he went at it in good earnest. 
I scarcely know what to compare the scene or the con- 
tents of his stomach to, but I think it looked a little more 
like the breaking up of the fountains of the great deep, 
than anything I ever saw. As regards the ejected mate- 
rial, it would rank well with the cleaning up of a horse- 
trough, the malt vat of a still-house, or a hog-pen on a 
washing day. He kept up his heaving and setting until 


120 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


he threw off near half a bushel. On examination it 
turned out to be green corn. After the negro got his 
breath a little, he was asked why he had done so, and 
was threatened with a good thrashing on his recovery ^ 
unless he told how many ears of corn he had eaten. 

“ Wy massa, me only cum fum de corn fele wid twenty - 
two years of roasin corn , and me eat um for dinner.” 

The negro was now out of danger, but I considered 
myself in danger, unless I could give the old man good 
reasons for tapping the negro. I told him that the corn 
had produced a rapid accumulation of fluid in the bowels, 
as he could see by the amount thrown off (and thrown 
in too I think), and as the negro would tell nothing about 
it, any man would have been under the same impression 
that I was. I explained to him how it was that the fluid 
was in the bowels instead of being on them, as in ordi- 
nary dropsy. I proved successful in curing the negro, 
and also in winning the old man’s friendship and esteem, 
as is proved by the continuation of his patronage. 1 
fixed up and put out home, well pleased that I had es- 
caped as well as I did. 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


121 


CHAPTER XIV. 

A FISHING PARTY, A GHOST, AND SUICIDE. 

Air — Sugar in de gourd and de way to get it out, 

Away to the beautiful lake, away, 

To catch the silver fish. 

Hush ! what happened while we stay 1 
More than any one could wish. 

In despair he seeks relief 
By destroying his life — 

Let it be a ghost or beef, 

I know it’s not my wife. 

Daddy Longlegs. 

I arrived at home after my first visit, at ten o’clock 
at night ! I rested well during the night, and next morn- 
ing Mr. Hanly had to ask me many questions about my 
success. I of course gave a glowing account of my 
operation, and after it failed, then restoring the patient 
by other means. He congratulated me on my good start, 
and said he had no doubt but that I would soon have prac- 
tice enough. While we were talking, one of Mr. Hanly’s 
daughters came out, and commenced talking of a fish- 
ing party that was to come off the next day, and asked 
me if I would not like to go. I remarked that I should 
be most happy to do so. She named over the ladies and 
gentlemen that were going, and among others a young 
man that 1 bad often seen during my short stay there. 1 


122 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


thought from appearances he was a little in love with Miss 
Han ly . Early next morning the party had all assembled 
We put off in fine spirits to a little lake five miles distant, 
that was celebrated as a great fishing place. I asked the 
pleasure of accompanying one of the gals. She consented, 
and very soon we had arrived at the place intended for onr 
amusement. Having tied our horses, and made a few 
other little arrangements necessary on such occasions, we 
commenced operations. We had good luck in getting a 
fine lot of fish in a short time. We had been fishing for 
some time, when it was proposed that we have something 
to eat. A few nice fish were soon prepared, and we sat 
down to partake of them. The young man that was so 
much in love with Miss Hanly, was eating away at the 
rate of a fish a minute, and all at once he dropped every 
thing and commenced looking most tarnal strange for a 
man that had any sense. The tears streamed from his 
eyes in drops as big as pears ; his arms were raised to his 
head; his legs stretched out and quivering like a dying 
calf ; his head he was trying to put between his shoulders ; 
he gasped as if in the last agonies of death; a few fain 
struggles and he fell prostrate to the earth. It can easily 
be imagined what was the matter; he had a fish bone 
cross -ways in his red lane. Every thing was alarm and 
confusion,, and in this state of excitement, I rushed to his 
side and had his mouth open to see if I could reach the 
bone. I saw it, but so far down that I could not extract 
it with my fingers. I ran to my saddle-bags as quick as 
possible, knowing that time was precious. I returned 
as soon as I could get out my instruments, but saw a 
great change in that short time. He was lying pale, re- 
laxed, and senseless. I took a pair of forceps, introduced 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


123 


them, and soon had the bone out ; but it seemed that he 
was too far gone to recover, several minutes having 
elapsed since the bone was lodged in his throat. I made 
use of the usual means for restoring animation, such as 
throwing water in his face, hartshorn to his nose, rub- 
bing his chest, and rolling him about. Finding all these 
measures had failed, I tried, as a last resort, rolling up 
his trousers, taking some half dozen large switches, and 
laying it on him with all my power. This acted finally, 
and soon he was restored to consciousness. He appeared 
thankful that I had saved his life, but did not like the 
thought of getting a frailing for it. 

In a short time all things were going on as well as ever, 
and it was named that we all fish a little more before start- 
ing home. The young man just rescued from his perilous 
situation was as lively as if nothing had happened. His 
name- 1 had as well tell you, as he has moved off" from 
those parts long since. His name was BillDods, a short 
way of expressing ourselves in this country ; everybody 
goes by the name of Jack, Tom, Dick, Sal, and Jake. 
Some of the young men happened to bring along a little 
old whisky, and after dining they got to feeling as big 
as elephants; and I believe Bill Dods was a little larger 
than any one else; he did not quit his fishing, though, 
until in one of his tantrums he jerked his hook a little the 
wrong way and stuck it through Miss Hanly’snose, tear- 
ing it at a great rate. Poor girl ! she screamed like a 
panther, bled like a butchered hog for a few moments, 
fainted, and fell to the ground. Again my services were 
needed. She was soon resuscitated, and then came a lit- 
tle of her father’s spunk. As soon as I had dressed the 
wound she turned round to Bill Dods and gave him 


124 


LIFE AND ADVENTUKES 


instructions neve** again, to come into her presence* or 
dare to speak to her. Bill, poor fellow, looked like he 
was thunderstruck. He was so bad hurt at the lan- 
guage of Miss Hanly, that he was perfectly speechless. 
In this condition of things we broke off and went home, 
leaving Bill to go his own w r ay. 

When I reached home there w 7 as a summons waiting 
for me to attend a patient some five miles up the bayou. 
It was now half past two in the afternoon. I started, 
thinking I was getting into practice fast. I found the 
patient suffering with common chills and fever, prepared 
the necessary medicine, and, after staying a short time, 
to make some good impressions , I left for home. I had 
proceeded a mile or two when my attention was attracted 
by the strange actions of my horse. He w r as more 
frightened than ever I had seen him, and I knew it must 
be something unusual that would cause him to be 
frightened so bad. I was fearful that a panther or some 
wild beast was near. I looked around to see what was 
the cause of all this. I saw something suspended in the 
air, two or three hundred yards ahead of me ; the 
strangest looking specimen of creation that I ever laid 
eyes on. It was working and twisting about like a pig 
in hot slop, a goose with his head in a crack, or a medi- 
cal student out of money at a boarding-house several 
hundred miles from home. I got off of my horse, took 
my saddle-bags on my arm, and concluded to lead my 
horse up to the spot and see what it was. This I should 
not have done, had it not been that it had the appearance 
of some human being in distress. My horse was unwil- 
ling to go for a moment, but I went up to him, patted him 
on the head, and gave him to understand al 1 -’jas right, 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


125 


and he followed me without any trouble. Strange to 
say, that horse was so constituted that when I patted him 
in that way, he would follow me anywhere I might go. 
I went up, and there I saw a young man, seemingly in 
the last agonies of dissolving nature ; which, on examin- 
ing a note that 1 found lying on the ground, turned out 
to be Bill Dods, who had committed suicide. He had 
went up the .tree, from appearances, with a rope to com- 
mit the deed, by tying the rope round a large limb that 
made out from the trunk fifteen or twenty feet from the 
ground. How it was that he happened to hang himself 
by the middle instead of one end, I was left to make 
what inference I might. The rope was tied fast round 
his neck with one end, while the other was hanging 
loose. I came to the conclusion, that he had been sitting 
on the limb fixing the rope round his neck, or, perhaps, 
studying whether to hang himself or not, and accidentally 
lost his balance, and in doing so the fundamental portion 
of his trousers had caught over a small snag that made 
out from the limb. I was standing there making my 
calculations about these things, when I saw him move 
again, as though he was making his last feeble effort to 
save his life. He was evidently nearly dead, and how 
to save him I did not know. I was a poor climber, and 
it was a bad tree, a little snurly oak. I thought it would 
never do to let the fellow die, without trying to save him. 
Such an ignominious death would break the hearts of his 
parents. I tied my horse, went up to the tree and com- 
menced ascending ; I made poor progress, but reached 
the limb after a powerful exertion. Under almost any 
other circumstances 1 could not have accomplished it. 

J cautiously went out on the limb, and, after reaching 


126 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


him, 1 found I could not extricate him by lifting. I sa-w 
no other alternative but to take my big knife and cut out 
a yard square from his tow breeches. This I did, and 
down he went like a lump of dirt, to the ground. I hur- 
ried down, and found the vital spark was not entirely 
extinct. I out with my lancet, quick as thought, and 
bled him freely from the arm. I did this because his 
head had been hanging down, and there was certainly 
great engorgement of the brain, and perhaps effusion of 
blood. It was all the remedy that presented any prospect 
of relief. He very soon showed symptoms of returning 
life, and before half an hour, was sitting up tolerably 
comfortably, considering the blood he had lost, and his 
previous dilemma. I did not say any thing to him about 
the note or the intended suicide, but managed to get him 
upon my horse and carried him to his father’s, a mile or 
two from where I had found him. His parents were 
much surprised to hear of such an occurrence. After 
taking supper with them, I bid them good night, and 
was in the act of leaving, when I was told Bill wanted to 
see me. I went into the room where he was, and he 
told me for God’s sake to keep the matter a secret, or he 
was a ruined man. He thanked me for this second time 
saving his life. 1 then went on home. I had the note 
in my pocket that I had picked up under the tree where 
Bill was hanging, and whether to destroy it or not I did 
not know. 1 thought there could be no harm in keeping 
it, and did so. When I got home I could not keep from 
having a little fun with Julia Hanly. 1 thought if Bill 
did not like it, he might go to the left inid-ter-sheep, or 
Jericho, I did not care which I had saved his life twice, 


OF A]\ ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


127 


and he had never offered me any thing bat “ thanko ” 
for it, and that did n’t pay. 

As soon as I got in the house I called for Julia and 
handed her the letter from Bill, who thought he would 
be in eternity when that was read by the fair one. She 
made some little to do, but not so much as I thought she 
would. She showed it to her father and all the family. 
The old man said, if Bill wanted to take a pleasure trip 
to the devil, let him go, but that would not cure Julia’s 
nose. Here I consoled him by saying that I would cure 
it without a scar if any man could do it. I then had to 
tell all the joke, and of all the laughing that I ever beard 
roll out of human natur’, the old man beat it. If I had 
known it, I had just as well stuck up an advertisement 
on every tree in those woods about the matter, as to tell 
old man Hanly. Very soon it was known for twenty 
miles square. Bill knew it was me that had let the affair 
leak out, and he got awful mad at me. A few days after 
this, being called to see the same patient who had re- 
lapsed, if I recollect right, by some carelessness, I was 
returning home about nine o’clock that night, and got 
near a place that was said to be haunted; scarcely any 
person in the neighborhood would pass that place at night 
alone. Such was the superstition that even the Indians, 
that still lurked about in the forest twenty or thirty miles 
off, were unwilling to see the place at night. I was 
coming near the place, and I thought of what dreadful 
tales I had heard of the <ghost. When I got within a 
few rods of the spot all at once my horse became dread- 
fully frightened at a ghost, or whatever it was, and would 
not move a peg. The sight before me was truly a fearful 
thing to think of. It looked like an angel ; it had larga 


128 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


wingo, which were extended as if in the act of taking 
flight to the regions above ; it was white as snow ; some 
strange ornament on the head, and in short, it looked 
vrodigiaas to a man in the forest, surrounded by wild 
beasts, two or three miles from any house or human 
being. On each side of me was a dense forest through 
which I could not go. There was but one way to get 
home, and that was the narrow road, in the middle of 
which stood this hideous ghost, or what you may call it. 
I could not think of turning back to the house of the 
patient where I had just left. I was determined to try 
something else to make the beautiful creature give me 
the road for a moment. I again patted my horse, and 
laid my arms around his neck. I knew then he would 
go or die ; for he wanted his supper as bad as I wanted 
to get past that place. I took the law on my shoulder, 
and said, “ who’s there ? ” No one spoke, and then I 
reined up my horse steadily and gave him the word 
He got within about twenty steps and stopped. I had 
nothing but starlight to see by, but thought I could hit 
as large an object as the one before me. I raised up, 
fired away, and you had better think I did too, for if ever 
you heard yelling, bawling, throwing off of white things, 
rolling, ranting, cursing, and gubbing it up, you could 
have heard it on that occasion. A man in ghost’s cloth- 
ing, and he was felled like a tree in new ground. I went 
up and there saw Bill Dods, with a big bullet passed 
through his left shoulder, as a remuneration for his at- 
tempt to sprinkle me with ghost feathers. 

Notwithstanding I was not pleased with his treatment 
toward me after saving ids life on two occasions, 1 took 
him upon my horse to his father’s. The young man was 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


129 


too badly wounded for his parents to say any thing to 
him at that time. I explained to them how it hap- 
pened. They justified me in so doing, and asked if I 
would not dress the wound, and also attend him until 
it was well. 

After fixing Bill up comfortable, I went home. I at- 
tended him until he got well, which was not very long, 
and made out a bill against his father for thirty dollars; 
he paid it, and Bill left for parts unknown, and has not 
been heard of since. 


130 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


CHAPTER XV. 

TAKEN CAPTIVE BY INDIANS 

Air — Wilt thou give thy scalp ? 

Through the dark and shady wood 
For nine long hours wo toiled — 

Little needen, little done, 

I must return by light of sun; 

No comfort for you, stranger, here — 

Then good-bye — Oh! the red man now 
Surrounds me, and I am lost: 

Sleep on, no more you’ll hear it thunder. 

Bruther Beetle-Nose. 

Now that Bill Dods was gone, my troubles with him 
were over. My practice gradually increased until I had 
as much as I wanted to attend to in a country where 
there were scarcely any roads. It is true I had but few 
patients, compared with a physician in a thickly settled 
country, or a city practitioner, but they were so scattered 
that I was busy most of the time. I often went twenty- 
five and thirty miles. One morning while at breakfast, 
some person hollowed at the gate for me. I went out, 
and he told me he wanted me to go to see a sick woman 
some twenty-eight miles across the country. After we 
got our breakfast we started. We swam our horses across 
the bayou, and struck a little trail that led through the 
forest. It was in a different direction from any that I had 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


131 


ever been, and the road was entirely strange to me. I 
endeavored to notice as many of the peculiarities as pos- 
sible, knowing I would have to return alone. After 
passing through many swamps, crossing bayous, cutting 
cane, and bogging a few times, we arrived safe at the 
house where the lady was sick. I soon fcfund I had tra- 
veled a long ways for little purpose. The patient was 
an old lady that was of an industrious nature, and the 
day previous she had been making a big pot of soap which 
required her attention the whole day. Her husband 
coming home drunk about dark, had upset the pot, and 
away went all the woman’s hard labor. Returning from 
the spring with a pail of water on her head, she saw the 
work of destruction, gave one loud, long, keen “O, me ! ” 
and fell down with a fit of hysterics. This was the first 
attack she had ever had, and it soon sobered her husband 
to his senses. In this state of things he ran off for one 
of his neighbors. All their efforts proved unsuccessful 
in restoring her to consciousness, and there she lay, 
gulping and snuffing, without any prospect of relief. 
They had heard of my whereabouts, and fearing a fatal 
termination of the case, the old man succeeded in pro- 
curing the services of his friend as messenger for me. 
I found her pretty much as when the messenger started 
for me. 

After resting a few moments, I proceeded to give her a 
good shower bath ; that is, it was not exactly like your city 
shower baths, water running out of holes made in tin, but 
pouring a bucketfull or two slap-dash at once. This 
soon brought her to her natural feelings , and the first 
thing she said was — 


132 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES. 


“Tom, you scoundrel, what made you turn over my 
soap ? now you may wash your own clothes.” 

Tom promised to do better in future. This, with two 
big assafoetida pills, soon set all right. I gave instruc- 
tions to the old man how to act should she have another 
attack; then bidding them good-day, started home. 
There were but few houses on the way, and I had to 
travel well to reach the house of an acquaintance about 
half way between there and home. I thought I could 
get there by dark. I had gone four or five miles, when 
I was overtaken by a rain and considerable storm. I 
sheltered myself under a large bending tree the best I 
could, and, after the rain was over, started on my way 
again. I saw it was getting late, six o’clock or later. 
I made but slow progress, owing to the canes, vines, 
bushes, &c., being blown across the path. I went on 
until dark, and as it was yet five miles to the house of my 
acquaintance, I concluded I had better stop at a little 
cabin on the road side, just ahead of me. I rode up to 
the house and hallooed. A little boy out in the woods 
heard me and came up, when the following dialogue 
took place. 

Doctor . — “My little boy, what’s your name? Can 1 
get to stay all night with you?” 

Boy . — “ Mr. my name is same as my daddy’s; don’t 
think you can stay all night here ; we no way komidatin’ 
strangers nohow.” 

Doctor . — “ I am willing to put up with any sort of 
fare, so I can stay ; can’t you find some place for my 
horse, and feed him a little?” 

Boy . — “ Well, I reckin not,; for we haint no stable, 
an’ we haint no corn, nor we haint no fodder nederP 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR 133 

Doctor. — “ Well, if I tie my horse up, can’t you find 
some place for me to sleep?” 

Boy . — “ Welly I reckin not; kaise we haint no bed, 
nor we haint no straw, nor we haint no floor in de house 
nedur .” 

Doctor. — “ That looks pretty bad, my boy ; but if I 
stop, can’t you give me something to eat? I feel hun- 
gry; had no dinner to-day.” 

Boy. — “ Welly I reckin not ; kaise we haint no meet, 
nur we haint no bred, nor we haint no taiter nedur.” 

Doctor. — “ How do you all do about here, then?” 

Boy. — “ Ah, tolable, thank ye, sir ; how you do your- 
self? Good-bye, sir — dad’s gone out to steal some now.” 

Doctor . — Tooked void a leavin. Feeling somewhat 
insulted at such language from a little knock-kneed, 
bow-legged, bandy-shanked, dried-up, hump-backed 
boy, I rode off and left him in his glory and in his shirt- 
tail. I thought perhaps I could find the way, or at least 
my horse could. I suppose I was about two miles and 
a half from where I left the boy, and that was the near- 
est human habitation in any direction. 1 was going 
along thinking I would soon be at my friend’s house. 
The clouds had cleared away a little, and the moon would 
alternately cast a light, and then a shadow over that 
silent and dismal wood.’ I was looking foward with 
sweet anticipation of the future, summing up in my mind 
how much I had made since my commencement : occa- 
sionally the thought that I was in a dreary wilderness, 
surrounded by ravenous beasts, would cast a damper over 

my feelings, but hoping soon to be Hark ! my horse 

suddenly stops, raises his head, and I feel his big heart 
beating convulsively under me. I hear a rustling in the 


134 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


bushes close to me : my hair is standing on end : I look 
around me : I behold a faint light, and in a moment the 
mystery is revealed. I hear a sound that falls like the 
death knell upon my ear; it sends a terror to my heart; 
1 know it is the red man of the forest ; the enemy of pale 
faces, the heartless savage. I know too that I am at the 
mercy of those who heed not the cry of the infant on its 
mother’s bosom, and regard not the gray hairs of age. 
Thousands on the frontiers have, in their turn, fallen a 
prey to the tomahawk and scalping knife ; now it is for 
me to be shot down like a dog, or burnt at the stake 
amid the shouts of these ungodly beings. Scarcely had 
those thoughts passed through my mind before I heard 
the Indians set up a horrid yelling. My horse dashed 
off in a moment, and endeavored to make his escape ; but 
alas ! my noble animal, it was in vain, I was surrounded. 
One of the Indians jumped before my horse with hatchet 
in hand, and caught him by the bridle. I was quickly 
taken off, and found myself in the hands of six big 
Indians. They were in the act of ransacking my saddle- 
bags, but when they got the scent of the medicines they 
let them remain on my horse. They then put out the 
fire, and after talking (I could not tell what about) for a 
little while, they gave me signs to mount my horse again. 
Whether they did it because they were afraid to ride the 
horse or not I could not tell. One of them took my horse 
by the bridle and started off, the others all following after. 
This is practicing medicine with a long pole. Now I am 
in for my last scrape certain ; no use thinking about any 
thing else. I thought of my past life, my many mishaps, 
and thought how much better it would have been for me 
had I been carried from the stage of action in some past 



»» i W as quicely taken otf, and found myself la tlM 
hands of six big Indians .— Page 134. 














OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


135 


difficulty, when some trace of me could have been left ; 
but now to be burnt at the stake — the most awful death ! 
I remembered every narrative I had read of Indians, their 
manners and customs, their cruelty, their barbarous con' 
duct. 1 finally quietly resigned myself to the will of Him 
that holds the destiny of man : that if it was to be my lot 
1 could not help it now ; I had put myself in danger; 1 
must abide the consequences. We traveled all that night, 
only stopping occasion ally to rest. I took the precaution 
to observe the direction in which we went, so that if an 
opportunity should present to escape, 1 could tell in what 
direction home was. We went a north-west course. 
We traveled until eleven o’clock next day, when we 
arrived at the wigwam of the Indians. There was a con- 
siderable number at the place. They gave me signs to 
take off my saddle and tie my horse. I did so, and if 
ever I felt sorry for any thing in my life, it was for my 
poor horse; he was so hungry and tired he could scarcely 
stand. I tied him where he could eat grass, bushes, 
and such things as he could get. 

Ah ! reader, you may imagine how 1 felt, but its more 
than I can now express; death viewed in any light, even 
when surrounded by a kind father, an affectionate mother, 
a dear sister, a good brother, or a devoted companion, is 
sad enough ; but to think of dying by the hands of an 
Indian in the forest, far from friends or home, is painful 
beyond description. I went up to the wigwam of the 
Indians who had captured me; they motioned me to come 
in, and offered me some venison to eat, which I could not 
refuse, for I had an appetite like a crosscut-saw, having 
eat nothing formore than twenty-fourhours. After eat- 
ing, I looked for them to commence operations on me in* 


136 


LIFE' AND ADVENTURES 


some way, but in this I was happily disappointed. They 
did not trouble me or take much notice of meforseveral 
days, and let me go about and attend to my horse, holding 
him to eat grass, and watering him. They gave me 
plenty to eat, and also to drink of whisky, when they 
had it. I slept in the wigwam on my blanket, and my 
saddle-bags under my head for a pillow. I was at a loss 
to know what they intended to do with me, but one day 
thought I would soon find what was going to be done, 
for they got to quarreling while drinking whisky, which 
I found was about me, and one of them made at me with 
a hatchet, and would have killed me but for another 
Indian running before me, who caught the blow himself 
in the arm. It was a bad cut, and would have been 
wmrse had the force not been checked by his other hand. 
It commenced bleeding profusely, which put a stop to the 
fight. They did not do any thing to stop the blood, only 
to apply some leaves to it. 

I thought this a favorable time to get their good will, 
and went to my saddle-bags, took out my things and 
motioned the Indian what I wanted. He sat do wm on the 
ground, and by means of tying a small artery or two, and 
using an astringent, I soon stopped the bleeding. I then 
brought the edges together with strips ofadhesivejplastei, 
and in a few^days his arm w r as w^ell. This made a great 
impression, and they thought rne a superior being. Not- 
withstanding this, I found it useless to think of getting 
away from them, unless I could find some means to take 
advantage of them. They were in the habit of going ofF 
during the day to hunt, and occasionally took me with 
them. They dressed me after their own savage maw* 
ner, and seemed very proud of me. 


OF AN ARKANSAS DOCTOR. 


137 


Things went on in this way for three weeks, i was 
anxious to be at liberty, but saw no chance of escape 
until on one occasion, when they had some whisky, 
which they had obtained at Fort Smith or Van Buren. 
The distance to either of these places, from where the 
Indians had me I could not tell. They had a big spree 
while the whisky lasted, and next day all of them went 
out hunting except six or seven. In looking in the jug 
they found all the whisky was not out, as the other 
Indians had thought. They commenced on it, and were 
getting to be “ Indian big man,” very fast. They made 
me drink also, and I just saw what would become of me 
if the whisky held out long enough, and the other Indians 
did not come in. While they were making merry with- 
out, I slipped into the wigwam to see how much more 
whisky was left. There was enough to set them in a 
fine way for killing me, to pass off the time while they 
had nothing else to do more profitable or easier accom- 
plished. Now or never was my time, I thought, no time 
was to be lost. I searched my saddle-bags, and found two 
oz. of laudanum and a vial of morphia; also, a vial of pare- 
goric. To make sure work of it I put all of these into the 
whisky, put all things back again, and laid down like i 
was drunk or asleep. It was not long until they came in, 
and then was a trying moment. If they tried to wake me 
was I to remain still? if so, they might drive a tomahawk 
into my senses. If I waked up, they would make me 
drink with them, and then I would be in as bad a fix as 
they. They came to me and gave a few “uh-ha-wa-hos!” 
but I would not wake; I knew it would only be death 
anyhow, and was resolved on trying to make them think 
I was drunk. Should the other Indians come in after 


138 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


they had drank the whisky and before I got off, and they 
were to die, then I should be killed. I was successful 
in my attempt at feigned drunkenness, for they Jet me 
alone, and drank the whisky themselves. I waited in 
awful suspense and the deepest anxiety for the opiate to 
stupefy them and permit me to get off before the hunters 
came in. Thank heaven ! I was not long left in this 
situation until I heard them utter a few deep groans, and 
then, falling into a deep, snoring coma, they were all 
soon in the arms of sweet Morpheus. 

Now is the golden moment. I quickly had my saddle 
on my horse, and, going back for my clothes and saddle- 
bags, I bowed politely to them, mounted, and was soon 
lost to view in the deep recesses of the thick woods. My 
horse seemed to know every inch of the way, and car- 
ried me swiftly from my place of bondage. I traveled 
as fast as I could, not knowing what moment the hunt- 
ers might come in and start in pursuit of me. I had no 
fears of the six drunken ones following me, for old opi- 
um, bless the article (in the right place), was fast waft- 
ing them to that wigwam whence no Indian returns. 
That was my private opinion about the matter, and 
though I did not yet feel safe, I could not but congratu- 
late them on their indulgence in a good long nap. My 
horse seemed more happy to get away from the camp 
than I possibly could be, and though he had been tied 
up for three weeks, he traveled without in the least 
showing signs of fatigue. 1 went on until dark with- 
out molestation. At this time my feelings were an^ 
thing out pleasant. I thought I was on the right di- 
rection home, judging from the moss on the trees, this 
being my principal guide. And here letme say tothos* 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


139 


of my readers that are not acquainted with backwoods 
life, that should they ever become members of such a 
community, they will, in traveling through the forest, 
find this an infallible guide; the moss always growingon 
the north side of the trees. I thought I had better rest a 
little, and therefore got down, let my horse eat some grass, 
while I helped myself to some dried venison 1 had brought 
with me from the camp. After this my horse and my sell 
were much refreshed. I mounted again and resumed my 
travel, taking the precaution to see that my pistol (which 
I had kept concealed during my stay with the Indians) 
was well charged, and put my big knife so I could lay 
hands on it at any moment, not knowing when I would 
be attacked by wild beasts or pursued by the Indians. 

Happily for me the moon was shining for a short time 
in the early part of the night. I rode as fast as I could 
while the moon was shining, fearing I could not find my 
way after that luminary had ceased to light my path. I 
got along without much difficulty while I had moonlight, 
but after that I had many troubles. Occasionally, while 
going along, I could hear coons and bears, running up 
and down the trees, as though they were on a smooth 
sidewalk in a city; loud keen screams of the panther, the 
cries of wildcats and howl of wolves ; but I proceeded 
unharmed until near midnight. I, as well as my horse, 
was almost exhausted from the long continued fatigue; 
I did not know whether I had kept the right direction or 
not, or when I should again behold a human face. I 
was desponding, and thought my lot a hard one, when, 
to my great joy, I heard in the distance the lonely sound 
of the cow-bell. I knew I was near a settlement ; I fol- 
lowed in the direction of the sound for near an hour, and 


140 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


just as the light of day was dawning I rode up to the 
house where the old lady that had the hysterics lived. 
By the time it was light I had aroused the inmates, and 
there was a happy set of folks for you. I found the 
cabin as full as it could hold of neighbors, who had been 
out several days on the hunt for me, and, not finding 
me, were on their return home. 

It was on that occasion I felt that though in a land 
of strangers, far from every kindred tie that bound me 
to earth, I was not uncared for ; that my worth was ap- 
preciated; that there were yet some warm hearts that 
beat for me. I had to relate my adventures while ab- 
sent, and when I told them about knocking the suscep- 
tibilities out of a half dozen Indians with so little 
trouble, I never saw a set of men more highly pleased 
in all my life. We got breakfast, and went off home 
in fine spirits. I was so much engaged I could not call 
on my red brethren to see whether they lived or not 
but I have no doubt but they did well. 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


141 


CHAPTER XVI 

THE MAN WITH A SNAKE DISEASE. 

Air — Our way across the swamp . 

List, thou fiery serpent, 

And leave your resting place, 

Long, long will you repent 
That you occupied such space. 

Doctor, I ’ve suffered this many year 
With — and — a — sort of wheezin’; 

Hush ! Polly, nothing the matter but fear— 

Drot your melt, I ’ll give you a greasin’. 

Yaller Britches 

I was scarcely left at leisure long enough to rest, be- 
fore I was sent for to see an old man, some ten miles 
down the bayou, who had been sick for a long time, and 
he was no better than when first taken. The messenger 
that came for me was a favorite old negro belonging to 
the man that was sick. When he came up I asked him 
who was sick ; he said, “ Ole massa.” I asked him who 
his master was. 

“ Wy, wy, God bless you, sir, I thought ebery body 
know ole massa: him name Tom Dupree.” 

I told the negro to wait a few moments, and I would 
be ready. I went in the office to get something — well, 
when 1 say office I mean it, but it was only a little log 
house used for an office, in common with several other 
12 


142 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


things ; such as shelling corn of wet days, putting the 
saddles in, getting drunk in when they wanted to, ana 
many other things not worth naming. Well, as I was 
coming out of the door, Mr. Hanly hailed me : 

“ Hello, Doc ! who ’s sick ? ” 

“ Mr. Dupree, the negro calls him.” 

“ Ha, ha, ha, Doe, you had as well try to grin off a 
bear’s tail at midnight, as to cure that old man ; every 
old quack, Indian, and midwife in Arkansas has tried 
on him without doing any good ; he imagines he has a 
snake in his insides, and unless you can get that away, 
you can ’t cure him, and you well know you can ’t do that, 
for there is no more snake in him than there is in you.” 

“ Well, it is my duty to try on every case that comes 
up, and I will go once and see him anyhow.” 

Mr. Hanly said that he would pay me as long as I 
held out any hope of curing him, for, said he, “A fortune 
or two has been spent on him already; he has confi- 
dence as long as a man tells him he can cure him.” 

We started, and I soon found the old negro was more 
loquacious than I wanted him to be, and therefore did 
not encourage him any. The first thing he spoke ot 
was, that if I could cure his master he would give me 
heap money, and that people down in his parts, said as 
how I was a great doctor. 

When I got there I found the old gentleman with his 
hands crossed over his breast, fiat on his back on the floor, 
and his wife with pipe in mouth, pouring poke juice 
down his throat. This she stopped when I got in, and 
she and the old man commenced talking, and giving a 
history of the disease ; this doctor and that doctor had 
tried him and all did him no good, made him w< ; 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


143 


And had it not been that I stopped them they would have 
been at it yet. They would not give me time to slip in 
a word edgeways for at least two hours. At the end of 
this time, finding I could stop them no other way, I took 
up my saddlebags and started out as if I was going home. 
They could not have been worse shocked if a buffalo 
had fallen through the house top horns foremost, than 
when I started out. They stopped for a moment, and I 
told them they must not tell me any thing more about 
the sickness, or 1 could not cure it. The old man did 
think that he had a snake in his belly sure enough, and 
every one that tried to cure him had laughed at the 
absurdity of the notion, and tried to persuade him out of 
it. It all did no good ; he had the same notion still. I 
saw the foolishness of his notion, but thought I would try 
a different course from what had been done by others. 1 
told them I was of the same opinion as they were, and 
thought he had a snake in his belly, and unless it was 
got out he would never get well. I never saw people 
cut as many capers in my life,, as they did, when they 
found a doctor of the same opinion as they were about 
the snake. The old man told the very night that the 
snake crawled down his throat, while he was asleep on 
the wood-pile. I told him if he would give me fifty 
dollars I would cure him, and if I did not show him the 
snake before I was done, I would not charge him a cent. 
He agreed in a moment. I told him I would have to go 
into the woods, to find a certain herb that would kill the 
snake, and then I could get it up easy enough. 

I started out and found some lobelia, the very thing I 
wanted, the very one I needed, and I knew I could find 
it easy enough, and besides that, if I gave him any medi- 


144 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


cine out of my saddle-bags, he would think it was the 
same old tune; something new was to be tried to meet 
his freak of fancy sickness. After finding the lobelia, 1 
returned and asked the old lady for a skillet to boil it in. 
She wanted to go into the kitchen with me to help about 
it; I told her no ; that I was dealing with a snake, and 
must do every thing myself. I put the lobelia on to boil 
a few moments, went out, got an old gourd, and went 
off to the woods again. I found a small black-snake 
without much trouble, managed to weary him down, put 
him in the gourd, filled it with water, and soon had him 
as dead as a mackerel. 

You must not think strange of me saying I found a 
snake so easy, for they are as plenty in Arkansaw as 
musquitoes or buffalo gnats. I left the snake in the 
kitchen, went in to the old man, and told him he must 
have a handkerchief over his eyes, as he would not then 
be so sick, took out mine from my pocket and put it on, 
blindfolding him completely. I then asked the old woman 
to step out in the wood a little, as I wanted to be alone 
for awhile with the old man. I went for the snake and 
lobelia, and 1 gave him a rip-snorting dose of it, and it 
was not long in displaying its effects, for in a few minutes 
he commenced throwing up more bread, potatoes, pieces 
of deer meat, and turnip tops, than would make a dinner 
for the Bull-frog tavern at Pine Bluff. While this was 
going on I put the snake into the vessel, threw away the 
gourd and lobelia, and in one of his greatest upturnings, 
I hallooed out at the top of my voice, “ hurraw m} r old 
fellow, you will get well now.” By the time 1 had said 
it, he had off the handkerchief and squalled out — 

“ Betsy, Betsy, Betsy ! there it is at last ! ” 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


145 


Betsy rail in, and then a thousand blessings were 
showered on my head, plenty of whisky down my throat, 
and fifty dollars in my pocket. The old negro came run- 
ning up and said : — 

“ God bless de doctor fureber, ole massa got de right 
un at last.” 

I ordered a purgative of calomel, rhubarb, and aloes — 
a favorite purgative in the south and west, passing under 
the name of Cook's Pills — told the old man to be care- 
ful of his diet, never sleep on the wood-pile again, bathe 
twice a day for a week in cold water, and he would never 
know what sickness was any more. 

That was a great job for me, not only because I got fifty 
dollars, but everybody thought I was the best doctor on 

earth, and because because you'll find out before 

you get through reading this book. I never told any one 
of the cheat until now, and you may consider yourself 
fortunate in getting it, as it is done at the risk of friend 
Tommy Dupree and Betsy hearing of it. 

As I was returning home, 1 was called in to see a 
woman troubled with some complaint not of much im- 
portance, but I shall always recollect one thing that 
happened, and a day after, probably : here it is. The 
woman commenced telling me a great tale of her sick- 
ness ; this was the matter, and that was not right, and I 
do n’t know what, until her husband said to her — 

“Polly, I don’t think you are much sick, making me 
pay a dollar for nothing.” 

Fire and blazes, how mad she got. She came out on 
him like a blue streak of lightning, and kept up for some 
time. Finally he said to her if she didn’t hush he would 
make her. She was too good pluck to bear such an 


146 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


insult as that, even from a distant relative, as her husband 
was: so she just raised herself up and fastened on to the 
first thing she could get, which happened to be a great 
long string of scissingers stuffed in guts ; and if she didn’t 
give him one of the greasiest drubbings that ever I saw 
then you can have my noggin for a spit-box. She didn’t 
need any medicine. 

CHAPTER XVII. 

CUTTING UP A NEGRO ALIVE. 

Air — I dreamt I was in a nigger cabin. 

Bring your brandy, pour it down, 

A warm bath will restore him ; 

Farewell, death’s relieved his pain — 

Now, doctor, please to carve him. 

Good God ! massa, Dick not dead, 

And you are sawing on his head. 

My sides’s in pain ; his eye ’s not stout ; 

Murder ! the pain is worse — his eye is out. 

Billy Dishrag. 

Having met with such unprecedented success in cur- 
ing those that were put under my care, I was called for 
very often, and could not be had at any price. I 
had returned one day from a distance very much fatigued, 
and had laid down for a short repose. I had not been 
asleep long, until I was waked up to go in haste to see 
a negro belonging to a gentleman in the neighborhood. 
I was soon ready and went as fast as possible, as it 
was said the patient was very dangerous. I found this 
to be the case on my arrival, for the negro was as stiff as 
a poker, as senseless as an iron wedge, and breathing 
with as much noise as a stern-wheel steamboat on a bar. 
I could get no sense out of him or into him, and there- 
fore was left to form my own opinion about his disease, 


O*’ AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


147 


His hard breathing, cold extremities, clammy perspira- 
tion, rigidity of the muscles, &c., 1 thought was a good 
indication of a congestive chill. I could make nothing 
else of it, and began treating it as such. The first 
thing I did was to get some stimulating fluid down his 
throat. I succeeded in getting a little brandy down him. 
I then had a large tub of warm water prepared, and put 
him into it. I wish you may stop my nose with red 
wafers and wheat-bran, in a flower garden ora dissecting 
room, if he didn’t keel right over like you had shot him. 
The fact is he never kicked after striking the water. I 
felt most gallinipperatious uncomfortable about it, but 
could not help it. I did it all for the best, in accordance 
too with what I had been taught. I told the bystanders 
that he was too far gone — very common expression with 
doctors, you know. The gentleman that the negro be- 
longed to, sent word down from the “ white folks’ house” 
that he had not owned the negro long, and wanted me to 
examine him to see of what disease he died, as he might 
have a lawsuit about him.' 

I was glad of an opportunity of trying my instruments 
on his tough skin, and without much ceremony went at 
it. I thought I would commence on the head first, then 
the chest and abdomen. I sheared off the wool and made 
a circular incision around the head to the bone. Well, 
about this time I was troubled to know what I should do 
for a saw to get through the bone ; I had none in my case. 
We finally found an old rusty saw that was lying in the 
loft, and with that I commenced sawing away. It re- 
minded me of the old dissecting room at college, only 
one was in the backwoods of Arkansaw, the other was in 


148 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


a large and populous city : one was performed by a sort 
of a coboler, the other by a wise old head and steady 
hand. I drew the saw across once or twice, when I saw 
something that made me feel about as desirable as sit- 
ting on a mill-stone in the gulf of Mexico. The negro’s 
head moved without any assistance from me, and one 
old darkey bawled out : — 

“ Good God ! massa, Dick not dead.” 

I was sawing away on Dick’s brain-holder, and him not 
dead. Farewell, vain world, and pull my nose out ; what 
now ! He groaned a time or two and commenced vomit, 
ing; this soon started the circulation again, and in a short 
time the poor negro, with his head cut to the bone all 
round, was able to talk. I was puzzled no little to tell 
how I had been so much deceived. 1 had felt his pulse, 
and every thing that is usually done I had attended to, 
and all in the house thought him as dead as a hammer 
I thought, though, when I was cutting round his head, 
that the blood run very free for a dead negro, but never 
imagined but what he was dead. I felt all over in spots 
as big as a blanket, but it was done now, and I must 
help myself to a piece of get out of the scrape. The 
owner had requested it, and therefore I did not feel as 
guilty as if I had proposed it myself. I set to work 
quick as I could, to repair the injury done. This I did 
by the usual means, such as bringing the edges together 
by sutures (stitches) and strips of adhesive plaster, and 
also a wash of sugar of lead and opium. After doing 
this I thought I would ask the negro a few questions and 
see what I could find out. I commenced in an abrupt 
manner, as 1 was not pleased at the idea of losing such 



M I was sawing away on Dick's brain-holder, and Un 
not dead .” — Page 148. 

































. 

, 




OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 149 

an opportunity of gaining information. The negro 
seemed alarmed immediately, and said — 

“ I won’t do so no more; won’t do so no more.’* 

“ Won't do what ? ” said I. 

“Wy — wo — I — I — made a strong tea of Bull Vin6 
leaves , and drunk um to kill myself, ’cause Mast. Joe’s 
Dina won’t marry me.” 

This was an explanation of all the affair; the bull vine 
is a weed that grows in many of the Southern States, and 
possesses strong narcotic or stupefying properties; what 
its botanical name is I can ’t tell ; this is all the name by 
which I have ever heard it called. The intended post- 
mortem is all that saved him ; he was nearly gone; but 
when tne blood commenced running, his brain was re- 
lieved of the engorgement, and he was aroused, more 
especially by the saw ripping across his bony simblin. 

I was then requested to go up to the house to see the 
old gentleman himself, as he had been sick for a day or 
two. After some few directions about Dick and his head, 
1 went up and found the old fellow quite ill. The first 
thing on docket was to talk about Dick; T explained every 
thing, 1 believe, to his entire satisfaction, more especially 
when I told him I thought Dick would recover. I then 
examined his condition, and found him suffering with an 
attack of pneumonia. I told him it was of a serious 
nature unless taken in time, and said that I thought he 
should be bled. He told me he had been bled, and the 
pain still continued. I proposed to him that he should 
be cupped on the side, where the pain was. 

On examination, I found he had been blistered on the 
part. I concluded I could find room sufficient to apply 
a few cups, and made preparation to do so. When 1 


150 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


bad every thing ready I took up one and applied it near 
— Fire! murder! oh! John, take him off! Doctor! wa- 
ter! how did it come ? where are you? eh? ha! oh 
whack! and he jumped some four or five feet high, 
with his hand clasped tight on the glass, and fell flat on 
nis back in the middle of the floor. 

In my haste and his fear, 1 had applied the cup to the 
recently blistered surface, which was as raw as a beef- 
steak. The way he squalled, rolled, kicked, puked, 
snorted, and sailed into the air, was a caution to old 
women on three legs. The remedy acted as a powerful 
revulsive, and after it was removed he felt much better 

When I had fixed him off and he had in a degree re- 
covered his natural feelings, he told me he had a negro 
suffering with sore eyes, that he wanted me to see; sent 
for him, and had him brought to his own room. I ex- 
amined his eyes and found them much inflamed and 
requiring remedial means immediately. I told him 
the negro should take a good purgative, live on spare 
diet, stay in the house out of the strong light, and be 
cupped on the temples. The cups were all ready, and 1 
put the negro on a chair, scarified his temples, and now 
I was ready to apply them. I picked up one, fixed the 
dry paper and spirits, and all being nicely arranged, l 
proceeded to apply one. It is quick work, you know 
and as the spirits and paper flashed in a blaze, while 
applying the cup, the negro ierked his head a little the 
wrong way, and— 

“ Lordy God! massa — poor nigga ! my ftv® I coon 
skins ! my ole tow britches ! oh — oh ! ” 

The cupping glass was over his eye, and out it popped 
slick as a peeled onion . There now, I have done it, hain * 


OF AN ARKA NS AW DOCTOR. 


15] 


I ? The nigger’s eye was sucked out of joint before you 
could say Commodore Perry with your mouth shut. 1 
did not know what to do. I had heard many long lectures, 
read hundreds of pages of surgery, and had a little com- 
mon sense myself, but this was a case I had never come 
across before nor behind either. If 1 went to pull off 
the cup as in ordinary cases, I w r ould pull out the eye- 
ball and all together: if I took something and broke the 
glass, like fools do on all occasions, the pieces of glass 
would probably cut the eye so much that it would be 
lost. 

What you reckon you ’d done ; done like me, 1 s’pose. 
I wanted the glass off and it had to come off or I would 
have been mobbed, or shot; just the same in Dutch, you 
see ; the negro shouting, jumping, foaming at the mouth 
like a mad dog; the old man crying out, “What in the 
devil have you done, doctor?” and — and — well, never 
mind the other things the nigger did ; you know how 
people do when they get in a tight place sometimes, 
when they are scared. I picked up a hammer and 
knocked it into a hundred pieces. Cruel treatment, best 
I could do, though. The eye was a little worsted instead 
of relieved by the application. It went back in its place, 
and I concluded I was in just about scrapes enough for 
one day, and let the other eye alone for awhile, and 
trusted to internal remedies, such as small doses of tar 
tar emetic, diluent drinks, and purgatives. I toddled 
off home about this time. 

I wish you may take my arm for a fish pole, my nose 
for a coffee-spout, my shins for dough-beaters, my ribs 
for toothpicks, and my all for a fool, if they did n’t all 
K 


152 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


get well. Roll up your sleeves to your knees, your 
breeches above your elbows, and come at me like the 
landlady of a boarding-house after her pay every Sat- 
urday morning. Here we go, all in a crowd by myself 
Good bye. 

CHAPTER XVI 11 
A FIGHT WITH WOLVES. 

Air — Last tooth is broken that bound me to thee 

The night was dark, the wind did blow, 

But doctor, doctor, you must go; 

For far in yonder forest lies 
A man in pain, with sorrow cries. 

Yes, go I will, though hard it be 
To seek with wolves my destiny; 

And ere I shall return again, 

Your missus will of me complain. 

Ole Jaw-bone. 

Not long after the scenes described in the last chapter 
occurred, I was called up one night at eleven o’clock, 
to visit a patient fifteen miles off. It was a bitter pill, 
but I had to take it. The way we had to go was through 
a very bad swamp, and there was but two or three houses 
on the way, which would make it much more lonely and 
unpleasant, from the fact that the swamp was infested 
by all manner of wild beasts that roved the wild woods 
of the southern and western country. We started, and 
well do ' remember yet some of the sad reflections of 
that dreary night as I followed the negro that had come 
for me. Is this to be some of my rewards for studying 
months and years ; enduring hardships, undergoing pri- 
vations, and dragging out a life of toil and misery for the 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


153 


sake of a living ? Why was it that I secluded myself 
in bygone days from the society of those that were most 
calculated to make one happy; the young, the beautiful, 
amiable and accomplished young ladies ? Why was it 
that I left my native home and went to dwell in aland 
of strangers ? Why was it that I bade adieu to my early 
associations, and parted with nearest and dearest friends? 
Was it that I was to go day by day, and night by night, 
through every danger and every inclemency of weather? 
that I was to be hovering under my own shadow, while 
scorched with the burning rays of the sun, and that I 
was to stand alone and uncared for in the depths of the 
forest, with nothing to protect me from the beating rains 
and raging storm ? Finding that such melancholy 
thoughts would not change' my condition, I struck up a 
conversation with the negro that was with me, about 
the patient that I was going to see. He said it was 
“ de bone-rattle ager, and dat if he had one more, his 
massa said him must die.” 

There is a very common saying in these parts to this 
day, and in some other parts too, perhaps, I can ’t tell, 
that a fellow never has but three of those congestive 
chills, or “ bone rattle agers,” as they are commonly 
called here. Whether there is any thing in the number 
three or not, I don’t pretend to say, but one thing is certain, 
that persons scarcely ever survive the third paroxysm, 
and as the negro’s master had been called out twice, he 
very reasonably concluded that the next turn would be 
his last, unless he got a doctor in time. Oh, ye sons of 
Esculapius, how long will it be until your worth is known, 
your services appreciated? You will all no doubt re- 
member many cases similar to the one that I am now 


154 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


relating, in which the friends and the patient would cry 
out, “Oh, doctor, if you will cure me how grateful 1 shall 
feel ; how punctually I will pay you ; what a friend 1 will 
prove;” and as soon as they are again restored to health 
and happiness, these have been the first to behold you 
with a careless, a scornful look ; none readier to dispute 
a reasonable bill, and for no cause denounce your name 
in every crowd on every occasion. But as this is the 
order of the day, let us bear it the best we can, though I 
Know from sad experience how such things have often 
caused a feeling of emotion to rise in your breast. 

We were going along talking about the case, and not 
thinking of danger, when we were suddenly startled by 
our horses becoming alarmed, and before we had time to 
imagine what was the cause, we were both flumpuxed 
like a dab of fat on the ground, and our horses going off 
at the rate of twenty- five miles an hour. The negro was 
thrown some ten steps ahead of me, and as he struck 
the ground I heard him commence hollowing like he was 
killed. Not knowing what I would have to do when 1 
got to him, I concluded I had as well go with a knife and 
pistol in hand, as a box of pills and tooth-pullers. 1 
put my hand in the pocket where I always kept my 
pistol, and to my awful disappointment it was gone. I 
then ran my hand in a side pocket for my big knife, and 
if it wasn’t gone too you may kill me. Where had I 
lost them ; where had I left them ; what had become of 
them? I certainly had not left them at home; something 
1 never forgot, equally as necessary as my saddle-bags 
full of medicines. What was I to do in this dilemma ? 
the negro hallooing for “ Help, help, massa, for God’s 
sake ! wolf eat poor nigga up — oh ! my head.” 













































































. 



















































“As soon as I caught a glimpse of them, I let one of 
them have it in the short ribs with all the force of gun- 
powder .” — Page 155- 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


155 


I didn’t know what to do ; I knew I could do nothing 
with a wolf without weapons ; my horse was gone, &:nd 
ii the wolves killed the negro they would next commence 
on me. I was so scared that I didn’t know whether the 
deuce had me or whether I was drunk, and forgot hr a 
moment that I had been thrown from my horse; but when 
I did think of it, I got to looking around and feeling as 
fast as if I was on hot iron, trying to find my pistol and 
knife. They were the first things I laid my hands on, 
and as I grabbed them I ran up to see what sort of a 
fix the negro was in. He was in a tolerably tight place, 
he was , for there I saw two whaling big wolves, as large 
as a year old calf, diving into the negro’s head and neck 
with as much composure as eating fried dogs’ tails. 

As soon as I caught a glimpse of them, I let one of 
them have it in the short ribs with all the force of gun- 
powder. He tumbled off like he did n’t know what hurt 
him. The other wolf showed no disposition to loose his 
hold, and as he would in ail brutal probability, eat into 
the nigger’s provision box before I could reload my pistol 
in the dark, I thought it best to go at him with my knife. 
I went up to him with a rush, and made a lick at him, 
which fortunately struck him, but not fortunately enough, 
for he left the negro and thought he’d just walk into a 
little of my tender meat. He came at me like Bill come 
out of the watermelon patch, in a mighty hurry, made a 
spring and lit right on my head. His weight made me 
cave in, and down I fell on the ground, with the wolf on 
top of me. As I fell I made a swipe at him, and put 
my steel into his stomach and bowels astonishing. The 
blood gushed out, but still he gnawed the faster on my 


156 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


head. One more attempt and I put my knife to hia 
heart, thus ridding myself of a load of wolf and sin too 
tedious to mention. The old negro, true to his preserver, 
was up, ready and willing to assist me. He had received 
some severe wounds in the back, head, and shoulders, 
and my own pate had a good chawin’ also. 

We viewed our fallen enemies fora moment in silence, 
and then looked around for our horses, my saddle-bags, 
& c. The saddle-bags were soon found, but the horses 
were gone. Rather a desirable situation to be placed 
in, three miles from nowhere, and the same distance 
from any other town. I told the negro that his horse 
was to blame, for mine had never been guilty of such 
a mean thing by himself. The negro put my saddle- 
bags across his shoulders, and we went on to the house of 
the patient. We arrived about daylight, and found the 
horses there, with saddle and all safe. The old man’s 
chill was expected between ten and eleven o’clock that 
day. I went to work to prevent a recurrence by giving 
large doses of quinine, keeping him well covered in bed, 
hot irons to his feet, and, as the time drew near, occa- 
sionally a little hot brandy toddy. By these means he 
passed the time in safety, sweating like a sugar-house. 
I told him to take a little quinine the next day, be care- 
ful for a short time, and he would soon be able to eat 
like a thrashing machine. Thus far all things went on 
well, and before leaving, I went with the gentleman’s 
wife to take some dinner under a shelter in the yard. 
1 was sitting at the table eating, and talking of the dif- 
ference between living in the backwoods and in a city, 
or older settled country. I told her there was a vast 
difference ; that in the city or old country we could go 


















. 




3 

“ She screamed a little louder than ever, gave one kick, and down she and 
the tub of soap came on me.” — Page. 157. 




OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


157 


to church, have a great many luxuries and comforts of 
life, calculated to make one happy and contented, that 
we could not meet with in a newly settled country like 
that. 

“ Yes,” she said, “ I recollect how I used to enjoy 
myself, but I ran away and married, and had to come 

mt here ; but I’ve got accustomed to ouch ! — hu-e ! 

— snakes ! — run here — everybody.” 

I jumped up, overset the table in my fright, and run 
to the other side to see what so much noise was for. The 
poor woman didn’t halloo for nothing, for there were 
some half dozen snakes as long as a clothes pole, and as 
big as your leg, running after her every way she went. 
She was screaming for life or help one ; and I would 
have risked any thing to save her, for if I had n’t she 
would not send for me again. I was not very stout, and 
she was not very heavy ; so I picked her up to get her 
out of reach of the snakes, and ran with her a few steps 
to put her on what I thought to be a wash-tub on a big 
stump with the bottom upward, but which turned out 
to be a tub brimming full of soft soap, set up there to 
cool. She screamed a little louder than ever, gave one 
kick, and down her and the tub of soap all came on me, 
and I flat on my back. By this time the negroes had 
killed the snakes, and she and 1 took a good washing. 

I was very happy to find that the soap was not hot, 
or we would have been in a worse fix still. During the 
excitement her husband could not lie in bed, but got up 
while in a good sweat and ran out to see what was the 
matter. I reckon he thought I was trying to kill his 
wife or something else, but I was n’t. Poor man ! he 
paid dear for getting up contrary to the doctor’s orders 


158 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


one time, but he won’t again. His getting up brought 
the chill on him at last. He struggled, his wife strug- 
gled, and I struggled with him for two long hours, but 
it was all to no purpose ; he fixed up his things and 
went straight along off to the next world. 

CHAPTER XIX. 

HOW TO CURE DEAFNESS IN THREE HOURS. 

Air — Will you meet me at the black stump ? 

How sad the thought that one is deaf, 

And tries in vain to get relief. 

They ’re dead to all the sweetest sounds, 

Which causes grief that has no bounds; 

But when all things in vain are tried, 

There seems no hope that's left beside. 

Still trying, you may find a man 
Who will relieve you at command. 

Johnny Dog-tail, 

A few months after curing the man that had a snake 
in his digestive ballot-box, he was at a neighbor’s house 
and they got. to talking about a negro that his neighboi 
had that had been deaf for several years ; consequently 
he was much reduced in value. The owner of the negro 
said that he thought the negro was “ possuming ” of it, 
and could hear as well as anybody. He had taken him 
to a noted doctor in Mississippi, and. to this place, that, 
and the other, and all did no good. Old Tom Dupree 
(the snake man) told him that if any man in the world 
or any other place, could cure the negro that Dr. Rattle- 
head could, whether he was deaf or not, and told him to 
give me a trial anyhow; for, said old Tom, “ He cured 
me after every hope of recovery was given up.” His 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 159 

neighbor promised him that he would go and see me 
the first chance. 

A few days after this I was up at Shake-rag , a little 
cross-road of a place that we called “town,”- — double 
handsfull of dry goods, and cotton hankerchers , an old 
blacksmith shop, and a barrel of whisky. Well, here I 
saw the man that had the deaf negro. Old Tom brought 
him up and told him I was the great doctor he had been 
speaking of, and commenced about the deaf negro. I had 
heard nothing of it before, and was not prepared very 
well to tell him whether I could cure the negro or not. 
He told me he had long had his doubts whether Jack 
was deaf or not, from the way it came on him. One 
evening he had given him a good frailing about some- 
thing, and next morning he got up with his hand to his 
ear, as deaf as a rich man to the cries of the needy, and 
had never heard a lick since. I asked him to send for 
the negro, and I would soon tell him whether I could 
cure him or not. He did so. The negro came up and 1 
examined, and could see nothing in his ears to make him 
deaf, and from the way the negro acted and looked at me 
I thought he was doin’ up the rascal very brown. I took 
his master off a few steps and asked him if he had tried 
whipping the negro; he said yes, but it did no good. 
Says 1 to him, if you will give me twenty-five dollars 1 
will make your negro hear as well in two days as he 
ever did, or I will charge you nothing. He said he would 
give it. We then went back where the negro was; 1 
motioned the negro to follow me, and I went into the 
woods where no person was near — and now for putting 
Jack to the test. I commenced talking to him as though 
he could hear as well as anybody. 


160 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


“Sit down, Jack,” and he did it without another word 
and without any motions, as he was used to. I saw I 
had him by the leg at once. I continued — 

“ Well, Jack, I know you can hear as well as I can, 
but I don’t blame you for treating your old master so, 
for he whips and knocks poor negroes about just like 
dogs ; I brought you out here, not to beat you, but to 
have a little talk with you about getting free. I live in 
a free State when I am at home, and have come here 
to take all the black folks to a free State ; and now, if 
you want to go with me and be free, tell me whether 
you can hear good enough to come to-night at the back 
of the turnip patch when I whistle? all the other — ” 

“God bless you, massa, I hear good as any nigga ; 
me come any time.” 

“ Very well,” says I, “ you have your things ready to- 
night, so we can start as soon as the white folks get to 
sleep, and when I whistle by the black stump , in the tur- 
nip patch, after bedtime, you come out, and when you 
hear me say, c that you, Jack? ’ you must say/ yes, here 
me, massa.’ ” 

Jack understood and agreed to all. I told him not to 
let any one know that he could hear until he came to 
my call at night. We then went on back to where we 
had left his master. 

“Well, Doctor, what do you think of Jack ? ” 

“ I am very sorry that I can not do any thing for him.” 

He sent Jack on home. 1 told him I wanted him and 
one other man 'to go with me that night a little distance, 
and I would show them a sight worth looking at. He 
wanted to know what I was going to do. 

“ That’s nothing to you, I want you to go, and promise 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 161 

you that nothing shall hurt either of you: is that not 
sufficient ? ” 

He agreed to go. We all went on to his house, had 
our horses fed, got supper, and were sitting comfortably 
at the fire smoking out of a cob-pipe, and enjoying our 
selves in talking of things in general, nothing in par- 
ticular, until I said to him, “ Now, sir, lay down the 
pipes, get you and your man ready, and let’s be off.” 

We were soon ready, and I told them they were not 
to speak a word after leaving the house until I spoke to 
them. We started out, and I led them to the appointed 
place. When we got there I whispered to them to sit 
down behind the stump. I stood for a few moments be- 
fore attempting any movements. I could hear them 
breathing, and their hearts beating like they thought 
l was going to murder them. After waiting for every- 
thing to get still, I gave the whistle. Jack was ready 
and waiting for the glad sound, and here he came walk- 
ing as large as life. 

“ That you, Jack ? ” 

“ Yes, here me, massa 

“ Come on, Jack.” 

“ I cum, sir.” 

“ Mr. Jordan,” said I, “ here is your negro cured of 

deafness .” 

He saw how I had managed, and got a little of the 
maddest that I ever saw a man in my life, and cried 
out, 

“ Is that you, Jack? ” 

“ My God ! dar’s ole massa ! ” 

Jordan stepped out to meet Jack, but he took to his 
heels and did his cleanest best to get away, but. the-* 


1 02 


LIFE AND ADVENTURED 


overhauled him, and if he did n’t get one good slashing, 
then a negro never got one since Adam turned ’em out 
of the garden. I made Jordan fork over the twenty- 
five, and I left for home while things were right end 
upward. 


CHAPTER XX. 

RATTLEHEAD’S FAREWELL ADM R ESS. 

Air — A life in the woods. 

Farewell, good folks, now 1 must leabe you, 

You am tired, an’ so is me too; 
l’s told some scrapes dat I am bin in, 

Ob bars, an’ wolves, an’ de coons a grinnin’; 

But me, poor fellar, am had bad luck 
Dat’s gin my system a mighty shuck. 

So dis volume will git no bigger nor less, 

Arter Rattlehead’s farewell address. 

The doctor himself. 

I am now about to draw my history to a close, and, 
my dear reader, you can not imagine what a solemn feel- 
ingit puts on me to write these closing lines. Yes, when 
I think that this volume is to be read by many that may 
doubt my veracity, that it is to be in the hands of many 
that do not know any thing of backwoods life, and that 
it will be viewed by the eye of critics, I can but feel its 
influence. I had intended to give you a more lengthy 
history, and could fill three such volumes, but I am pre- 
vented by a sad misfortune that has befallen me ; and, as 
the last tribute of respect that I may ever have the oppor- 
tunity of paying to the departed ones, I will presently 
give you an account of it. It may awaken in your hearts 
one feeling of sympathy and sorrow. Had this accident 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR- 


m 

not happened, I intended giving you an account of my 
attendance on my second course of lectures (which was 
in one of the large eastern cities), my difficulties in get- 
ting my diploma, my scrapes through the winter, on my 
return to Arkansaw, and many other things that would 
have been interesting; but I must close now to attend 
to other duties devolving on me, and which I can not 
neglect ; and hope, in the course of twelve months, that 
1 will have an opportunity of giving my remaining his- 
tory ! and if so, you shall then hear all about why I have 
had to close before completing my life. And now, before 
giving you an account of the sad accident, let me bid 
you adieu, and let me hope that your course in life will 
be smoother than mine has been, and may you never have 
to drink of the cup of sorrow as I have done : may you 
never have to weep over hopes deceived, love betrayed, 
and plighted pledges broken, friendship abused, confi- 
dence violated, and the heart’s warmest affection blasted, 
as I have done; but may your life be one of uninterrup- 
ted happiness, and may your sKy ever remain unclouded, 
and you all remain -as I find you, the happiest of beings, 
is the wish of your friend, Rattlehead. 

Mr. Hanly, o f whom I have so often spoken in the 
course of this work, has been one of the best friends that 1 
have ever met with in life. His family was composed 
of himself and lady and two daughters : they were both 
young, beautiful, and amiable, and though reared up in 
the rude state of society incident to newly-settled coun- 
tries, and not situated where they could have the advan- 
tage of becoming accomplished, kinder hearts never beat 
in human breast than in theirs ; more devoted and aftec- 


164 


LIFE AND ADVENTURES 


tionate beings never lived. Yes, they have been as si b* 
ters to me since my stay at their father’s house; they 
have ministered to my wants, and cooled the burning 
brow when scorched with fever. But I must proceed. 
One afternoon Mr. Hanly, his youngest daughter, and 
myself, rode out some six miles to a sulphur spring that 
we were in the habit of visiting every few days. Now 
you are thinking I was in love with her: you are mis- 
taken ; 1 loved both the young ladies like sisters, as friends 
and nothing more. Remember Mollie that died long ago. 
Well, we went to the spring a little later than usual, and 
did not have long to stay. We were on our return home, 
and were talking, I believe, about how I happened to come 
to Arkansas. Mr. Hanly was riding before, the young lady 
next to him, and I in the rear. We had to ride this way, 
as there was nothing but a path through the woods. We 
were within three miles of home, and all in fine spirits, 
happy and contented, not dreaming that a silent foe was 
in ambush for us. We traveled on until we got under a 
large tree that leaned over the path, and, sudden as the 
lightning’s flash, I was filled with horror at the shriek of 
poor Miss Julia. A large panther sprung from the bend- 
ing tree, and fell with terrific force upon her. As she 
saw the panther descending, she screamed out, “ Oh, 
father!” and by the time the words were uttered, she 
was crushed to the earth. 

Her father was quickly by her side, and endeavored 
to save his child from danger. The horse she was riding 
being frightened, ran off with all speed, and her fathei 
jumping off of his, to save her, his horse also ran off. 
What a scene to behold ! The panther, as he leaped, 
caught her throat in his mouth. Mr. Hanly seeing this. 


OF AN ARKANSAW DOCTOR. 


165 

took out his large knife and endeavored to pierce the 
animal to the heart: he made one lick at him, and fail- 
ing to inflict a fatal wound, the panther turned on him, 
and threw him to the ground. How did it happen that 
my horse was worse scared than I ever saw him? Oh ! 
would that it had been otherwise! but it was so ; he took 
fright, and before I could stop him or get off, he ran 
more than fifty yards. I jumped off and ran up to save 
my friends. When I got within about ten steps of them, 
I saw the panther on Mr. Hanly, tearing his flesh in 
pieces, and Miss Julia lying near him. I thought that I 
was too late, but I had done my best to get there sooner. 
I went within four or five steps of them, took out my 
pistol and fired at the panther. It was a fatal shot, but 
fearing it was not, I run my knife to the hilt in his side, 
and he fell dead at my feet. I then turned to Mr. Hanly 
and his daughter; it was too late; the animal had killed 
Miss Julia, no doubt, when he fell on her, his teeth and 
the force of the blow being sufficient to fracture the bones 
of her neck. Mr. Hanly was lying there with the blood 
gushing from his wounds; he still had some life in him, 
but it was almost extinct ; he called me ; I went to him : 
he said to me — 

“ Is Julia killed ? ” 

1 told him I thought she was. 

“ Well, Doc., you see I am going in a few moments ; 
let me say to you, tell my wife farewell for me,” the 
tears streaming from his large black eyes as he said it ; 
“ don’t let her and Mary suffer.” 

I told him they should never suffer while I lived. 

* Farewell, Doc., I’m most gone.” 

I tried to staunch the blood, it was in vain; the carotid 


ADVENTURES OF AN ARK ANSA W DOCTOR. 


166 

artery was wounded. He offered up some feeble prayer ; 
again he said “Farewell, Doe.” I held his hand in 
mine, I felt his pulse, it was sinking fast. Again he 
committed his wife and daughter to my care. He whis- 
pered something which I could not understand. His noble 
heart fluttered, it ceased to beat ; he is gone from time to 
eternity ! It was an awful sight ; my best friend on earth 
was gone. After waiting a few moments J got up, turned 
round, and there stood my horse. I went for the nearest 
neighbor, and we managed to get them home by night. 
It was a heart-sickening scene to behold that wife and 
daughter, when they saw those lifeless forms before them. 
I consoled them all I could. Next day they were buried. 
And now my sad.account is given ; my friends are gone ; 
they are safely housed in heaven, free from all the sor* 
rows and cares of life. 


THS 6D. 




























* - 



























































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